All Comments on 'The Cuckolds Retreat Island Ch. 01 Pt. 01'

You write 3/4 of a page just to test the waters and waste people's time. Don't bother with more. I won't waste anymore time reading your crap and I would venture to say a lot of people will feel the same way. 1 star.

This is your first attempt so I'll cut you some slack. Here's how it looks to me. You have started out a typical burn the bitch story and there are two dozen already written that start exactly like this one. You telegraphed your intent

So we know where you started and where it will probably end. It's up to you to throw some surprises at us. Give us some emotions and twists in the plot.

You didn't finish the first chapter and these readers don't like to be left hanging. So expect some pretty harsh responses. So it's up to you to get yourself out of the hole you jumped into.

I hope you surprise the hell out of us with the next segment.

Good Luck!

I was all getting into your story aaaaaaannnndd then its over lol....I'm not a fan of cuckold stories so I almost skipped past this one because of the title. Hope you stay the course for revenge and let the poor guy reclaim his balls. Gave you 4* for this portion cause the guy may be a little geeky but he seems to have a backbone and is taking action ... Looking forward to the rest of the story....

...the story looks good so far so it would be interesting to see how it goes on and how it ends....

So far, it's so Cliche I almost fell asleep. I'll give the rest a look just because I'm the curious type.

Not if you don't write better. This is full of writing mistakes, the characters have no life and there is neither conflict nor tension in the story. I am curious to see what happens.

More of a story outline than an actual story.

That said if you're only writing to get approval from the hooligans here, you might be best to quit while you're ahead. You should be writing for yourself. Good luck!

So far seems like it will be a BTB...

Like others have stated cliche, thus far.

Curious on how it turns out.

Unlike the anonymous critics I know you’re not trying to win the Pulitzer’s prize, you have my interest and write for yourself. I’ve got stories that I’m not game to put up so I see you a lot braver than I

Time to burn this cheating wife bad.

Not good but not too bad. Grammar aside, no woman, in the throes of passion, is going to Have a converation with her partner, especially if she is getting fucked so well that she doesnt care about her husband.

Enjoyed, waiting for next chapter... thank you 5 *

please keep going. i do love reading a good revenge story

All doors are open at your story! So be clever and let it grow worthwhile! I'm dying to know what happened.

This is just an introduction...Now let's see the whole story...Not a bad beginning...3* for now

good start

I'd like to see how it ends

You introduced us to the main Characters. Let's see what happens from here on out. Maybe Gramp's and Uncle could help him out.

Keep going . But do try to get it in ,in a timely fashion. Don't take weeks to post.or fuck you if ya do

... until enough of the story is there to score. Please continue as most of us are tired of all the wimp-ass cuck stories that show up here. A good BTB story would be very welcome.

You used the word cuckhold on the title. Then you lost the audience of the BBC crowd ant I think that’s the crowd who’d like to dig such story

If you can change it, please do so

I like this first chapter but most writers use part one in a multiple chapter story. I like waiting for last chapter and reading all of them in one or two days to keep it fresh.

Hope you don't mind my observations. I can see the potential and where the story can go and I like that, however, I feel the story is moving to fast. I don't feel the guys pain. His wife is fucking someone else and then showing him affection and saying things like "honey". All this would confuse the hell out of me, make me bitter, angry and a lot more, but our hero feels little or nothing.

Just saying.

It was boring by the above statement. And fuck do you need an editor! At least learn the difference between 'your' and 'you're', you used the wrong one EVERY time. That's just the start of a long list 1*

The opening chapter just a bit too short. Got to leave us with a reason to come back for the next chapter.

Don't listen to these quibblers. Just do your thing. I want to know what happens in your own grammar and your own phrasing. If the critics could write like you, I guess they would.

Thank you for writing.

1st off thank you all for your comments LOL... i put flaming retorts in water before reading them to cool them off some... but even they have some worthwhile input for me ... as I've said above this is a BTB story and my main character is not repeat Not going to be a wimpy guy and will get his revenge in full in the end . there will be major turns and twists in the story ... However ever good author i know of always leaves his readers wanting more its when he gives it to them in (hopefully ) an exiting way that they (the readers are then satisfied) so stay tuned in hopefully within 10 days or so (maybe sooner) i'll have another tidbit to coming your way... JUSTANERD

First, get an editor. Too many simple errors, like using "an" before a consonant.

Second, too short.

Third, as others have said, title almost put me off, the description pulled me in.

As to the plot, I thought when you mentioned his relatives unease towards his bride that we'd be reading about a pre-nup, but it appears there is none. That leaves you in a bit of a hole as to how to semi-realistically get a divorce without her getting half of everything.

The spelling and grammar errors are annoying but I'm all about content. I am curious to see what his relatives do to help him with his problem. I have a good feeling that you are taking us somewhere fun. Please make the chapters bigger and don't drag the story out too long. Readers will lose interest. Good luck.

As to the comment about a pre-nup, he was fresh out of college and had nothing to protect. Also he ignored the relatives because he was in love.

way too short to say if i liked it or not, next time put a Ch 1 in title. feels like u just flipped me off, if the next Ch doesnt come out very soon i feel like im going to foget about it gl

Aside from some simple spelling and grammatical mistakes it is a good start to a hopefully great story. Please continue

I'll bet pounds to peanuts you use voice-to-text. The Word-choice errors are consistently those that a google-app would pick. Can almost hear your accent in the text.

You need to get an editor...or...double check your grammar and spelling! You would have gotten a higher score if you had.

...but it’s a BTB, so the readers will love it!

Painfully cliched — even including the ol’ “strange car in the driveway.” Hubby finds his wife hopping up and down on some random dude’s dick, and his very first impulse is to capture some video? Why? So he can watch it repeatedly later?

Of course he doesn’t confront her or her lover. He doesn’t get angry or upset. He just connects immediately with his always-available support group who provides sage advice and the number of a real shark-like lawyer.

Another story where the author rudely fails to indicate that it’s a chapter story until we’ve wasted time reading it. Another story where the author doesn’t bother editing. No need to read any further chapters. We all know how this ends.

Not much here. 10 days before a little more? By then I will have forgotten what it was all about and who the characters are and once I figure it out will not want to bother with it. This isn't a weekly installment kind of place, mostly.

The writing isn't bad but it's pretty boilerplate. We have a tech guy that has gadgets, kind of like having a former Navy Seal. It will need to get a lot more creative.

Five stars for wasting sj's time.

As has been commented a continued story and we read it to the end to find out you may continue? Besides the bad grammar and errors plus the too short chapter which seems to be standard for newbie writers, it is a standard plot line done to distraction by now. Unfortunatly for me you have hooked me on time, 8PM on Friday? So i will look at your next entry and than pass yor by

If your main character is as annoying as this writing style, then its not just the size of his dick that is disappointing the wife. I think the marriage and the story are better off ending right here.

And thank you in advance for that kind mercy. The husband should offer the same compassion to a wife who does not respect him or their marriage. Just end it.

Your grammar does have an impact on the readability of the story. Please reread future chapters several times before publishing them so that you can reduce the errors.

This is a good start. Please continue but publish a full chapter.

The video is obviously for evidence, and I know that you know that, despite your snide remarks.

As for fans loving it because it's BTB, have you read all the criticism? Not much love there!

I do agree that he should have barged in with a well-aimed kick!

Your story wasn't perfect but it was a start. If you write in fear of what your critics might say, you won't write too long. If you have the urge to write, than do it and don't worry about it. The negative Nancy's of the world will always be more vocal than the people who like what you wrote. Yes, you had some errors, so learn by them and move on with your story. I'll read your next installment.

Evidence for what? You don’t need evidence to get a divorce. He didn’t need evidence to confront her later, as he could have just cleared his throat at the doorway instead of whipping out his cellphone.

Nine times out of ten, the husband records the video because he later watches it over and over. We’re treated to a graphic description of the sex acts in the video. Then we get the BTB ending to assure us that the author isn’t really a wimpy cuck who enjoys the idea of watching a wife have sex with another man.

It’s the Literotica equivalent of the closeted gay man who beats up his lovers after having sex with them, to prove to himself that he’s no homo.

Is this a repost or something else

I was hoping for more of a cliffhanger to prep us for ch 2. I can read stories without worrying about the editing, because I suck at it too! But I use a checklist now and helps cut it down. I focus on 1 thing to check at a time.

- check dialogue - can reader follow who is speaking

- quotations complete

- punctuation at end of every sentence

- check all “your, you’re, there, their, they’re, were” etc for correct usage and spelling

It sucks and we all can’t have sexy editors!

Let the marital battle commence!

Redo1984

🤘

Please continue story and I concur that the chapters should be longer.

Yes, not needed for the divorce, but may help when she tries to make HIM the bad guy, also, the threat of others seeing it may make her more tractable in the divorce.

Your story has enough to show promise. A few suggestions:

Get an editor. 1) The numerous grammatical errors detract from the story. 2) the flow is disjointed. An editor will help with both issues.

No mention of a pre-nup: local laws will determine whether the video is useful in the divorcée or if alienation of affection laws apply. If neither is applicable the video may be used to BTB.

Looking forward to further installment.

Not too bad. You could use an editor. Your grammar and syntax need some help. Other than that, I hope you have something clever planned for chapter two other than the standard BTB. We'll see. Looking forward to chapter 2. Don't wait too long to post it.

This scenario has been done several times. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but there's nothing to make this one stand out.

BUT, it's early yet. "Island"? That seems different. We can hope.

No score yet.

Continue? Sure... there are enough hooks that you could make something out of it -

Very wealthy relative who would support whatever? Check...

Wife without redeeming virtues evident (so far)? Check

Dweebish male lead for that everyman appeal? Check...

Now, you aren't Kublicon... your puppy isn't channeling newish ground in presenting LW BTB motifs... but I'd suggest a little bit of redemption of the female lead, like he did... you left the possibility. Several run-away-to-tropic-cheated-on-paradise stories are out there... look at "Can You Remember My Name" by RichardGerald... you aren't RichardGerald, but he has a feeling for alienation which your geek everyman might use to put more emotion into what is currently a fairly dry narrative.

And for gods sake please read the thing again before posting - the weird word choices drove me nuts... autocorrect is not your friend. Read it backwards (I'm not kidding) so that the words you knew you meant but did not use are more obvious - we see what we expect to see.

Good luck, and write for your own approval.

Green-something

Keep going it appears to have the beginnings of a good story, but get an editor, lots of mistakes.

I would have somehow gotten the main themes of your story mentioned in chapter one. Called hooks. I think, however, that you have created sufficient interest to post the next chapter.

Only if you either proofread or get an editor. Too many mistakes to make this an enjoyable read for me.

A woman should be with a better man and her cucky husband should be happy to raise any bastards she birth and be happy for her happiness.

As the other readers have already commented, your punctuation is awful. Other than that, I enjoyed the story.

One thing that I found useful is the Word Text to Audio feature. It's amazing how many times I would "see" a word that wasn't there, and catch it because I didn't hear it, or not see a word used twice, but hear the computer say it.

I do quite a bit of writing: not fiction, not technical but short features for a local magazine. The one piece of advice I was given years ago was to read the material out loud, to yourself, and listen to where you automatically put pauses (commas) in the middle of a sentence, etc. You will also discover which sentences are too short or too long or run-on. I agree that you MUST learn the "your, you're; were, we're; there, their; to, too, two" homophone sequences and use them correctly.

The story has possibilities. I agree with previous commentators that the grandfather and uncle possibilities intrigued me.

You should have told much more if you wanted to know our interest in this story.

Don't pay too much attention to the "anonymous" commentators... if they have to hide behind anonymity they probably don't have much (good) to say. The start of your story is intriguing and could go in many different directions. I agree a little proofreading/editing would help but it wasn't so bad to cause the reader to miss the gist of the story. Also, if this is a multi-chapter story, please don't keep readers waiting too long for the next chapter as older souls (like myself) might have a hard time remembering earlier chapters when a new one appears. I will keep an eye out for subsequent chapters as I'd like to see how this tale ends. Again, good start and thanks for the submission!

Lots have already mentioned the technical goofs , but you do need someone to look it over before you post .

For example , you made it a Friday evening when it starts , but then next morning both he & she are going to work , plus he's going to Dr's & Lawyers .

Another set of eyes will help you on things like that .

Good start. Flesh out the characters more. Make us feel his pain and hers once he sees to dishing it out.

Good start. Keep going.

If the only reason you'll continue your own story is if people kiss your ass, don't bother.

<P>

I read this same story on here. I may be able to find it. Same thing, husband catches wife because of sickness causing unusual trip home. He then uses the sickness to stay in the guest bedroom. Gets himself a shark of a female lawyer who defends women but really defends the victims of cheaters. Only difference so far was in that story it was a thing that they would sleep in the guest bedroom whenever they were sick, and here it is a spur of the moment thing. There may only be so many tropes in LW cheating wives stories, but this is flat out copying. I will search for the story and post here if I find it. Also, I hate it when authors tease a story and want to use feedback to determine whether to continue. Just don't. Don't use that passive aggressive method and don't continue this story. Especially as it seems you are stealing the story from someone else.

I think you said you discovered her on Friday night. But then both of you went to work on Saturday morning, with the attorney also expected in. Weekends?

yep many people do work on saterdays maybe not all lawyers do but then again this is fiction and anything can happen in fiction. It also depends the company and what company work hours are and some do require their employees to work either 1/2 a day or all day again depending on company policies.

I'm enjoying this story so far. I was surprised this was only one page. Keep these chapters coming!

Nice job with this chapter.

Put a little more work in your writing.

And you'll get kind comments

from respected members here.

Interesting name of this story.

It wouldn't surprice me,

if this turned into being a good one.

Best of luck!

Don't worry about the naysayers. Just tell your story.

English helps. Find an editor.

I found the story I was thinking about, Fool on The Hill by Harddaysknight. Seems the only resemblance is the guest room sickness aspect. The rest is different. So this is NOT a copy of that story.

Did you not state that it was Friday when this transpired? Both spouses work on Saturday as well as the doctor and attorney?

Please just write what you want to. Telling us you want “to see if there would be any interest” is putting the responsibility on the readers rather than accepting responsibility for your own work. Write for yourself, not us.

I am a Black Guy I have fucked the Wives of so many nerds and cuckolded them to their faces. They all make the same stupid mistake all the time. Whenever a White Nerd gets a good job and makes money, he wants to marry or rather buy the love of a so called top-notch! They dont want to marry Women who are in their looks category and have the same interests and leanings. NO!!!! They want a tall, skinny trophy Chick, the kind that wouldnt even talk to them back in high school and college.

The White Nerd uses his new found money and status to pull that said Top Notch, but he deludes himself that she loves him genuinely. Hold on a second, she wouldnt even talk to you back in the day because she finds you boring, unexciting and unattractive. But now, she loves you genuinely and is going to be your loyal, faithful loving Wife.

Okay, you are buying her love, you are a trick, a john... But she must be a good, faithful, loving Whore??? She must be satifsied with a man she finds inadequate and boring in and out of the sack? Money cant buy love, asshole!!! And money cant make you attractive and exciting.

From a man's point of view, if you marry some Woman because she is rich or from a rich family, but you otherwise find her very boring and unattractive in and out of the sack, would you feel obliged to be faithful to her?

Fuck outta here! I'm too old for that shit now, back in college and when I was working in the corporate world, I fucked so many Wives of these stupid loser overmatched nerds.

But, what the fuck is wrong with settling down with a WOman who is in your category lookswise and shares your interest?

Oh no, I'm a White American Male, I must buy the love of a tall, skinny, top notch blonde bombshell with fake hair color, tits, teeth... And she must love me... And, um, I actually do really love her, especially because she is so tall, skinny....

Fuck outta here

You have a level headed but emotionally sideswiped protaganist dealing with the immediate shock of betrayal. It's a good set up. I'm interested now to see where you take it.

Lay off that Crack Pipe before you Get The Fuk Outta Here !

This is a well written good start to the story however, if you are going to release it in chapters try to lengthen each chapter with a thought out stopping point.

Please do continue.

I like the story so far, but the typos and poor grammar make it hard to follow at times. Sorry, I teach High School English, so I always notice that stuff.

It is difficult to imagine it being any more poorly written, unless the reader looks at the comments made by the poster (The word 'writer' doses not apply). Compared to the comments he made, his post is fucking brilliant! Is it possible to make more mistakes and appear any dumber than this writer has? I think not. I envision this old guy with a corncob pipe and no teeth sitting in his dirt floor living room trying out that new thing called electricity and a computer. This is extremely poorly written, conceived, plotted, executed, and punctuated. It is so bad that it cannot be edited. It can only be written again, but properly. To call this well written is to proclaim yourself a moron. If a complete idiot grew up in the Brazilian Rain Forest, he could compose a better story, and in English.

You may need to change the title... it looks like it might be winner, but if even the shadow of the word cuckold hangs around it will ruin the story and your scores... let him continue to blow her, her boss and their company off the map ...Hot or Cold she has already earned her plate of disaster.... now feed it to her.

https://www.literotica.com/faq/06028833.shtml should show you how.

Please continue with your story.

Good start

please continue was a good start

Let's see what comes next.

New author, first story and you've already got SwingerJoe and his minions screaming for your head. You must be doing something right.

WilliamWallace

As a notorious editing crank, I agree that this needs editing, but I do NOT agree that it is beyond saving.

Even with the editing errors it is easy to follow. Let's not get carried away!

All this complaining about the start to your story. How many fucking ways are there to find out your wife is cheating? What better evidence can you have than audio and video of the act? My, personal, reaction would be immediate and destructive violence on the boss, verbal violence, never physical, on the cheating wife. But this guy is smarter than I am,and I look forward to seeing how this works out. I do agree that your opening chapter was much too short. We need more back story on why grandfather and uncle felt so uneasy about wife. Write your story your way, take your time, and listen to the constructive criticism. You already have over 90 comments in 24 hours, so you have a lot of attention. I'm certain tfhat a lot of readers are upset because they expected a good ole submissive cuckold story and hopefully aren't goivng to find it here. You got my friend SJ upset because a cheating wife is going to be punished, and he don't play that. You have a lot of support and encouragement, so use it and keep writing.

.

With room for improvement. Advise you make a note of some of the constructive criticisms among the comments. Nothing more that I could add. After that continue your story.

You should be aware that BTB stories, that don't go overboard, are much more popular among the readers, than willing Cuck stories. You can get by with husbands with cheating wives, who once they find out, cut their losses, file for divorce and move on.

You want to keep it erotic. This will include passionate sex between the cheating wife and her lover. This is fine as long as the husband doesn't get off on that. That's willing cuck territory. Couples swapping works, since the husband and wife are both participating. Swapping isn't as popular as BTB but more than willing cuck stories.

Also avoid endings that after the couple break up, describe the husbands, unlimited fuckalogue afterwards. The positive aspect of the beginning of your story is you didn't waste the reader time with a couple of pages of how the couple met. This should be limited to a half a page, and under no circumstances, no longer than one page. Good luck to you.

No follow up. 1*

More would be nice.

1. The failure to warn us about your submission of the story in installments--personally, I thought we were travelling buddies, weaving our way in and out of traffic, sticking together in spite of our differences--and then you got off the highway at the first exit. Said you weren't sure about going any further until you got positive feedback. WTF? My first inclination was to say, "Fine, I'll find another companion who is actually committed to getting somewhere." But I've reconsidered, because writing expressively can be challenging, so I hope that you will continue the saga.I'm looking forward to your journey down the highway.

2. So long as you get some thicker skin. Look, it's your story, and you can make it as realistic or as make-believe as you want. But don't get into logic arguments with your readers. If you think a commenter might be a good critical thinker, you might want a private discussion to discuss their thoughts. Otherwise, ignore us. We are the monkeys looking in the windows of your life. When you have prepared the scenes adequately, open the blinds to allow us to see in.

3. Have you ever watched a middle school girls basketball game? Or even worse, a little kids' soccer game (regardless of boys or girls)? Put it this way: you would never watch these events because you're a 'fan of the game.' You can only watch because you're a fan of one of the participants. The ball goes endlessly up and down the field, frequently changing direction, but not due to any overt intention from a skilled hand (or foot). There is little hope of scoring. Fans are alternately torn between hoping the ref will blow the whistle and stop play so both sides can regroup--or hoping the ref will NEVER blow the whistle so the whole futile exercise can be done more quickly.

A story without a good plan--and punctuation--is like the kids game above. A couple good kicks in various misdirections does not score any goals. And even worse, 'fans of the game' lose interest when little skill is being displayed.

4. You've given us some solid basics for a great story. However, I think you have a very long way to go, because you don't know how to get us there. For instance, 'your wife' has been giving off little clues like, oh, I don't know, what's a good clue? Oh, yeah, having extramarital sex in the marriage bed! Dude, that's not a clue; that's the crime. So I think you're making this up as you go.

Which means it is unreasonable for us readers to believe you are actually going to lead us to Cuckold Retreat Island, even though it might be a cool place.

5. Speaking of CRI, in the States we call that place Hooters.

Looking forward to more. If it takes awhile, that's ok. And congrats on being published. Many of us commenters have aspirations, but you now have experience. Keep going/growing.

Please continue... BURN THE BITCH... HAVE SOME ONE RUN HER OVER... N HER BOSS BEATEN MERCILESSLY...HIS BALL SQUISH N HIS SPINE DESTROY LEAVING BOTH OF THEM PARALYSE.

I'd like her to catch the clap and have to have him take her to the doctor.

Please Finish the rest of the story! So far-so good! Actually it's better than good. Its brilliant Anyway that's my Comment ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

A friends cousin found out at his wife’s 10 year high school reunion that she was the biggest slut to come out of her small town. After a few hours of drinking another old girl classmate of hers come up to him and said you must be special to have her settle down and proceed to tell him how every guy in the school not to mention many others in their small town had the pleasure of fucking his wife. She went on to say she was the best do all pig , worse than anything you could see on porn . She than said she could only imagine what she did once she went off to college.

Keep going- you've laid some nice ground work with this short lead up to story.

Will be watching for next chapter

So yeah - 'wouldn't mind reading more of this premise.

'Cause that's basically what we got so far - not a story, just a premise.

'Gotta say, though, that the little that we got here ain't a whole lot original - well-off nerd, who happens to be related to seriously rich and powerful men, married conniving beauty who's in it just for his dough, and wants revenge for her betrayal.

As I said, nothing charleybear hasn't already give us with "Game Boy."

That being said, John is a somewhat likable protagonist who's clear-headed enough to eventually admit to himself how stupid he let himself fall so hard for such an scheming woman ('wouldn't even surprise me to learn that Rose actually didn't bump on him 'by accident' when they meant...)

The paragraphs about his grandpa and uncle are also intriguing - you know those two are going to be major players in this tale, but to what capacity, only author knows for sure.

And then, there's the title... I really hope John isn't going to be the type of cheated-upon husbands that runs away from their skanky wives (way too many of those stories around), but I am very puzzle about the whole concept of 'Cuckolds Retreat Island': is it an actual island or just a state of mind?; does it help men get offer their cheating spouses, give them tools to regain their self-esteem?; if it is an actual, physical place, how rich must you be to allow there?; and so on, and so forth...

Decent start. So decent, you have to wonder why the author didn't put in more. I go to say, though, that I will not leave a score here, given how little we got so far - I score stories, not premise. Hope to see more of it, and hope it is worth it.