All Comments on 'Family Fun'

Didn't hear the sound of the beating and screaming? In the morning they find their parents and aunt !!!

Lots of action but little story or narrative. Sorry but I find constant switching between past and present tense quite irritating.

Please keep writing

Very rushed indeed. I think that much of the switching from present to past tense was unintentional, and should have been caught in proofreading.

Keep trying! Perhaps just slow down a tad.

The story started strong, introducing the characters and their relationship to each other, but then it flew off a cliff.

The sister and brother-in-law apparently have an existing relationship (I’ve been waiting for you) but that’s never explained. The sister walks brazenly into the master bathroom, presumably already naked, while her sister is just down the hall putting the kids to sleep, without a care about potentially getting caught?

And the the rest just reads like you’re doing play by play for your favorite porn clip.

The thrill of an incest story is building up the teasing and desire to push the characters over that uncrossable line. Then, explore their emotions while they’re fucking, don’t just tell us when they switch positions.

Lastly, I recommend using one of the volunteer editors here who can help with consistent tense and grammar.

If I can’t give a story a 5 I don’t vote, but I wanted to provide this feedback as encouragement to keep writing, and post something I can vote on.

1 star. very rushed, no narrative at all. i agree the first 2-3 paragraphs start the story well - then it implodes into some s&m. no build-up, no background on any existing relationship, no kids dispite beating, just a crappy story. sorry - i see this is your first story - and the first few paragraphs show some promise - but you need to work on a plot, character development, and a little history since there clearly some here. good luck with your next one.