All Comments on 'Bar Bet Weekend Pt. 03'

Part one was a story about a bet and it’s consequences. A touch of exhibitionism and the winner claims the loser for sex. Standard fare for this group and a cute opening story. Great start.

Part two is psychotic, abusive, and brutal. The loser of the best suffers such destructive activities that her life becomes unrecoverable. Again an interesting and a well crafted second effort.

After those two interesting but diametrically opposite chapters, part three seems like you just phoned in to get us to the Super Bowl story. It’s a non-event. A little morning exhibitionism, and some vanilla-ish night time sex. Done. You put good words on the paper, but no life into your story.

I even reread the chapter twice just to see if I was missing anything. Like comfort or caring/concern for the loser by the winner. But nothing that made and sense or added continuity based on the previous chapters.

I was looking for that because it would seem like a logical 1-2-3 punch to permanently own the loser. Like this, chapter 1 win her and prove you own her (check). Chapter 2 abuse the loser so badly that you permanently eliminate the loser’s opportunity to ever return to the old world (check). Chapter 3 provide the loser with comfort/warmth causing the loser to fully surrender to the winner because there is no where else left to go (umm...no...not even close). Chapter 4 could have been the final submission showing a slave and master being bound happily ever after. But now I fear it will simply be ... just words.

Dear Anonymous,

Thanks for your excellent and insightful feedback. Regarding your comments on part two, this is, of course, fantasy. 'Brutal and abusive", yes, but like many thrillers and murder stories, such fantasies play out in the mind and on the author's keyboards where they would never list in RL.

However your comments on part three were bang on. You are exactly right about it lacking the compassion and caring part of the relationship. That could have made it much stronger and built well to the conclusion I am planning. I realize that I was too focused on the feelings of the submissive and completely ignoring the emotions of the dominant, so I thank you for waking me to that. I shall try to do some repairs in part four. I realize now that this should have been a three part story, not four. Part three is really more of a stand alone piece that might fit better after the conclusion as a carry on of the tale.

Thanks again for your good commentary.