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Daniel's mother is my cousin, with whom I was very close in childhood. The dream was hers, and the letter was real. Daniel's parents still spend more time than most looking up into the stars on clear nights, from their central Texas home.
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Very simple, very powerful
"look for me in the eyes of my child
help my wife"
Help my wife
. . . I am sure you are, by being there, and writing this. It is very moving.
From a purely poetic construction POV however, you might consider dropping the "help my wife". It is (IMHO), a little mundane after the brillance of the proceeding line.
"look for me in the eyes of my child"
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Your poem has been mentioned in the New Poems Reviews thread.
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This tugged at my heart. Beautiful poem.
The disjuntion of the poem
like words fallen out of time, intimated how it must feel to receive that letter shortly after the funeral. The very form of the poem put me into that odd confusion. Nicely done...
jim : )
Damn!
I've never had a poem move me to tears until this one. Exceptionally fine work, foehn. ~Imp
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very powerful, I like the switch from the first half to the second, and the switch to the imagined letter to the real one. unimaginable
ohhh
this gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes. I cannot even watch the news without feeling the same way. A wonderful, powerful poem. excellent work
Amazing as always.....
Anything you do is touched with gold, I would only delete the second "night" in the first line...the poem is a little tighter without it.
yes
Yes! Starts simply and builds to a nose-bloodying punch. This one got me good. It helps me to see that every one of those numbers I hear on the nightly casualty reports is a real person who leaves a huge hole when he is gone. I will look at the stars tonight.
Thanks.
btw- I don't vote or use therms.
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