All Comments on 'Olivia has a Sexy Dream'

I am not sure you can die from it, but you know the old saying too much of a good thing is not suppose to be good for you, not sure if they are talking about sex

I'm sure your story was meant to get me excited but, instead, I became more and more confused as it progressed. You seem to have a problem understanding the difference between genders and the use of singular and plural pronouns.

'They' and 'their' were fine up until the time you identified your protagonist's (look it up) attacker. After your hero awakens, however, and she finds out that she is being attacked by her 'girlfriend' their and they should have become 'her' and 'she'.

You also seem to have a problem with tense and first and second person narrative; but let's leave that lesson for another time.