All Comments on 'The Captured Siren Ch. 01'

Seems pretty interesting so far. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter.

She literally explained to him that she had to eat humans to live. Meanwhile he doesn't even have the balls to kill the monster and go raise a fatherless daughter instead.

Not likable characters. Chapters suggest a story, but this might as well be flash, because you have a gross cannibal and an idiot.

I’m stuck trying to understand your story concept.

It’s basically about a man who went out for a walk one day with his best friend. They happen upon a well known member of a species of poisonous human eating snakes which, because it’s one of those special snakes and since it hasn’t had its annual meal, bites, kills, and eats the best friend.

The man, who refuses accept that a snake would simply do what a snake needs to do, simply because that’s just what they fucking do, goes to a witch doctor. The man demands the which doctor build a necklace for the man that will protect him from snake poison and further that if the necklace is placed around the snake, it will turn the snake into a person. The witch doctor asks the man, “why the fuck do you want a necklace like that for?” The man proudly says, “so I can fuck it and make it my whore for ever after”.

Well, when the witch doctor stops laughing and picks himself off the floor he asks the man, “why not just kill it?” To which the man further declares loudly and proudly that, “this is the only true and proper way to get my revenge on that snake for being a snake and my righteous actions shall heal the hearts and minds of myself, my friends widowed wife, and his daughter!”

The witch doctor, still wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, can’t help but ask, “why don’t you just be a man and help the wife and child? Maybe the wife just needs a decent man and the daughter a good father figure?” The man quickly answers in an offended voice, “NEVER! Only by turning the snake into something that isn’t a snake so I can fuck it into submission will the snake ever understand that the natural proclivities that nature built into annual human eating snakes are wrong!”

So the witch doctor goes “I gotta see this!” and makes the necklace and gives it to the man wishing him good luck.

Do I kinda got that right? Because I’m sitting in a bar now with that witch doctor and we are both waiting to see how chapter two goes. FYI, the doc is shocked the necklace worked...”who knew” he said.

I absolutely love these kind of stories, and a very well-written start! Can’t wait for the next one!

Magical creatures like Sirens and Harpies reflect the ancient and eternal tension between men and women. Exploring those creatures in fiction is a great way to explore male/female relationships in general.

I do think you could clean up your writing a bit. There were a few typos and grammatical errors here and there. Also, I'd be wary of frequent changes in perspective (the hero and his captive). I do this myself for sure, but try to keep it to a minimum.

Keep writing!

Love the story! Keep writing. Don't listen to the negative comments here disparaging the story's premise.

I love it! Never come across this plot in any story on Lit before... therefore to me this is a refreshing read! Please do not get discouraged by the negativity of some comments.. they have no right to judge your story until its 100% finished. There are many other readers, myself included who wants to know the next chapter. Looking really forward to the continuation soon!

:)

please write more!!! i love the concept and the writing is really good as well!! (besides some very minor typos)

To anyone interested in the story, thank you so much for your kind words and constructive criticism. I will be getting back to this story as soon as I can. I haven't abandoned this story.

Just thought' I'd keep you in the know :)