All Comments on 'The Old Toothbrush Pt. 02'

Not rating because I can't, in all probability, correctly comprehend the cultural differences but after reading this I need to get my T levels checked.

I just grew moobs and my penis shrunk....

Better than Chapter 1 as it flowed but the cultural and writing styles still made for a very difficult read

This is too philosophical (the "Old Toothbrush" philosophy), too easygoing...As I said in part 1 and the wife noted it too, the story and the marriage was ruined when he calmly escorted the lover boy to his car...Even in a different culture, this is way too much...I don't say he should have beat the shit out of him, but show how angry he was and say what would happen if he put eyes on him again...Finally the story and the marriage ended when the wife wanted time to think...from then on it were just empty words...2*

Your writing style is definitely holding back the story. I can see where you want it to go. You want it to be a very emotional story of discovery and betrayal, but the writing style makes it hard to get across.

As far as the story itself, I find the husband too passive, too laid back. At the end, when he finally asserts himself, it seems a bit anticlimatic. Is this the end of the story? I'm not even sure of that.

Dear ephesios and impo_64.

Comments by both of you are significant for me because it shows the path for improvement. And I accept it.

You see, in India, marriages continue despite problems because the social arithmetic is different. Even in urban areas. I am only trying to narrate a single facet.

So, thanks.

Tambak

I had a little difficulty at first with the names and culture implications. As I got into the story it became more compelling and less culturally difficult.

I liked the pace that the story evolves and the emotional dichotomy of the couple.

I would love to see a continuation of this relationship and how it involves the family and Adi.

Thanks for sharing your story with me. Hope to read more of your effort.

despite my disagreement with how the husband handled the infidelity. Staying slient for two weeks, not addressing the issue immediately, is just not in my bones. Getting thrown out of my own house, by my adulterous wife, before any resolutions take place, not going to happen!

That said, the insights into each character are quite good, and would love to see how this plays out long term. It appears he is leaving for good, but ...

This was the old familiar story told in a different way with a different conclusion. Congratulations on achieving something original! Along the way we learned much about your personality if indeed the story was told from a point of view conforming to your own.

Suhas we didn't get to know very much but as most men don't really understand women, that is understandable.

I rather enjoyed your descriptions of things. That same passage that was criticized by someone else was very evocative and I could feel what the narrator was feeling.

Don't let people put you in a box. Not every story has to read like a police procedural novel. There is room for more elaborate descriptions.

Also, even though you ended the story , you have created a worthy protagonist who deserves more than a simple burial. He continues living and will try to come to grips with his loneliness and despair. He will try to meet new women. I am interested in the cultural differences in adult dating in India. I am interested in the way divorce is handled there, too. There are at least 10 more chapters that I can imagine. What happens if he falls for a married woman? A teenager? An escort? A foreigner?

Give us more!

R.

Instead of being thrown away, the old toothbrush decided to remove itself.

This was an interesting and quite experimental way of viewing infidelity in a long marriage.

halt den Mund!

outside of the culture and the traditions from which it arises. Very philosophical and introspective, but also demonstrating some raw emotions and presumptions that I cannot appreciate.

Perhaps it is as simple, and as irreversible, that this couple drifted apart, became uncoupled. They perceived their marriage, their lives, and themselves, from very different and divergent perspectives, which grew over time. They took each other, and almost everything about their marriage and their individualism, for granted. And if the author thinks I have totally missed the point, I would not be surprised, since I do not understand such a non-marriage, such an autopilot placid partnership. Maybe that is a goal of this culture?

Of course there are standards, values, that transcend or permeate all cultures, which were violated here. The wife lost her personal integrity, her honor, her ethics, in seeking something rather childish, even stupid. The wife wanted to go back in time, and make love to the man who reminded her of a husband who had grown, changed, mellowed. She wanted what she had in her younger years, as she fantasized and reminisced about it. And when caught, she wanted her husband to react as her young lover would have reacted if he had caught her fucking some other lover. The husband had matured to the point of almost becoming petrified, while the wife devolved backward into the personality of a young flirtatious girl, unhindered by vows and commitments. How could they allow themselves to change and diverge so drastically, without any hints, arguments, alarms? Again, maybe it is just a cultural thing. Don't ask, don't tell, don't question, don't reveal.

I suspect I missed very much more from this story due to variations in language and mannerisms. Thank you for what I did learn and appreciate. Well done.

"Annonymous: Very compelling and thought provoking. I wonder if it is possible to really understand and appreciate this story. . ."

Your long comment kind of summarised the predicament. India is a country where traditions, practices, mindsets have major regional variations and quirkiness.

But my story is about one particular couple who think in ways that may and should appear peculiar. For all I know, Suhasini may simply be trying to put on a layer of undeserved justification to her act whereas the husband (nameless, if you notice) tries to somehow integrate all the small little events of their long married life. And at the end, comes to the conclusion that, it's really not a big deal. The problem arises once the wife tries an angle of justification that is alien to him. There, he strikes back.

In India, moving on is often not an option due to myriad reasons. Social, economic, kids whatever!

Thank you so much for your review. Overwhelmed.

Thanks a ton.

In India, the majority of the middle class earns less than 8K USD per year and that includes everything and some degree of planned fun too.

But, this meagre sum does not allow the luxury of frequently moving ahead in life in the form of divorces, alimonies, kid support and so forth. It simply destroys the family in more ways than one.

However, my characters could move on. Money won't be a problem.

Yes, the story is less about the 'infidelity' and more about the emotional upheavels that are so unpredictable, so irrational, so painful specially once they come face to face with the reality.

I agree that this could hardly be the end or even a start. But, I am petrified that how my ideas would be received. I already have my share of castigations, if you notice!

Thanks again.

Admittedly, I don’t often read the stories from the Indian authors.

As you noted, the cultural differences need to be overcome and frankly, I visit this site for escapism, not for cultural enlightenment.

But this story captured my interest. With the first chapter I saw your protagonist becoming a wimp and just surrender to his cheating wife. Reluctantly I followed up to read the second chapter and was pleasantly surprised. You took the story in a different direction, even though you had him, at times, acting submissively to his wife. At the end, he exerted his own will and removed himself from the destructive relationship. I enjoyed how your protagonist described the evolution of the marriage and how she changed from his partner, a person whom he adored, to a complete stranger so remote to him that he had no other choice but to leave.

It felt powerful to me.

Thank you for sharing. Please keep writing.

Thought at first he was going to "cuck" and give her what she wanted. Glad to see he grew and recognized the Differences. She can now have her Young guy who will cheat on her with a Younger Model. and let her feel the Pain.

Some of it because of language, and some of it because... well, of language. The first because this is obviously a semi-second language (i realize English is lengua-franca in India, but most speak the native tongue more fluently), and it shows. But it is also very “flowery”, which may or may not be because of the native tongue. I have some Indian friends, and some speak very straight forward (read as very American, though with a delightful accent), and some speak with, shall we say ‘a flourish’. The writing, especially the dialogue, comes under “flourish”. The non-dialogue is much more straight forward.

I am a bit confused at the end. Why can he not stay with the “new” Suha? Is she not again the beautiful Suha of his youth? Can he not, again, “learn” her? It seems he is leaving not because of her cheating, but she herself is no longer the “comfortable toothbrush” (I would have used “old shoes”. Toothbrushes are cheap, and when old discarded. Shoes often need breaking in, and in fact can be gorgeous when new (think new relationship), but uncomfortable to wear. But you wear them enough and they begin to “conform” to you. And they can be expensive so you don’t nonchalantly throw them away). Is the 20 year relationship that cheap? She wants to try. A few hours before he wanted to try. Now he says, “Sorry, you’re not the comfortable shoe I had last month. Heck, you look like brand new shoes. I dont want brand new shoes, and if I can’t have my old comfortable shoes, I’d rather go with barefeet.”

Also, she obviously could use an app to track his phone’s whereabouts, but she says an iPad is too complicated? So did he not catch that “lie” with the iPad? Not know she was tech savvy? Or just missed the statement since he was so upset about everything else.

Also, perhaps it’s a cultural thing, but she could careless what her daughter thinks of her? What does that say? Again, it could be cultural, or she’s just a cold hearted bitch. If it’s the latter, then perhaps it’s best he leave. She says she loves him, but maybe not in the same way he loves her.

I tried to give this 3-stars, but accidentally hit 2-stars, and I couldn’t correct it. I wish it gave you a 5-second grace period to correct just such errors. I’ve accidentally given some stories 5-stars when I meant to give 2 on more than one occassion, and vice-versa. To “click” on a star with a mouse is different from “brushing” the wrong star on a touchscreen.

Again, a difficult read, but I liked it.

Great to see such a detailed comment.

Sorry, if the read is difficult. I will try to improve to make it readable.

Why the husband needs to abandon Suhas? It's a million dollar question. Possibly, individual choices makes a person take hard unpalatable decisions on the spur of the moment.

Can we replace the toothbrush with shoes? In india toothbrush is a cheaper option. Shoes are continued after repairs. But the choice is interesting.

Apple products are not popular among the general Indian crowd. But the women are very savvy with smart mobiles. Trust me. Windows are by far the best selling product here.

It's not common to brush aside the daughter but Suhasini is not a common girl. So, she feels that she is not answerable to anyone else other than the husband with whom she does not share any genetic linkage but only of trust that was breached.

Rating is of minimal consideration. Your liking the story is 7 stars for me.

Love

Go and live with a young guy and become his private whore, making money for him!

He will defend his armrest. It is his alone. No other arm on it shall rest.

Keep them coming. And I totally got the toothbrush analogy.

PS Jefe, this is absolute GOLD on the special relationship that is marriage:

"You want me to be angry, not sad, nor hurt, neither forgiving. In your eyes, these make me unqualified to make you feel comfortable. You may be right again but what about me? What about my perceptions?

After five years of marriage we rolled into one, we became more tolerant of each other, more understanding and more caring. Was that wrong? Did we not strive for it, to make small little adjustments and compromises, for ourselves? Did we ever repent making those little 'gives and takes' in our life. Moreover, did we not feel better sacrificing a little for each other? I did, but today I am not so sure anymore."

I started a reply to your comment, but it got a bit too long for the comments section. Please check your feedback messages.

For those who comments about Indian culture, this is not Indian culture. This writer has written in English does not mean he is cultured or average educated in Indian standard. Average Indians, except who are living in remote villages, knows good English. Our education system is like that. This writer is a low-life looser. Probably the son of a rikcshaw-pullar, auto driver or a truck driver. His mother probably a house-maid, cleaning utensils in different houses part time or a aaya (kind of female sweeper working for a patient) in a hospital. Only these kind of people feels proud writing this kind of wimp husband story. This is very common in their community.

Fantastic comments.

Why should it be demeaning to be a rickshaw puller's or maid servant's son. Imagine the hard work and sacrifices they must have made to enable their son to write a bit of reasonable English!

So, my heart fills with pride to rise from abject poverty.

Incidentally, my prime minister wss once a 'tea vendor'.

Thanks again for your read.

Your english isn’t perfect either, so shut the F%@# up about his english. Once your english grammer and/or spelling is perfect and pristine can you cast stones (and if you had any humility you wouldn’t then, either).

You really are one of those nose in the air upper-caste, aren’t you? You do realize the British played upper-caste against upper-caste to keep your country under their boot for a century, don’t you? Don’t be so proud. And some of the smartest, and hardest working, people I know are mid-lower or middle-caste Indian (though, I have to admit, one of the absolute smartest person I know is a high-caste Brahmin). Of course, usually only the most driven people (and usually brightest) are willing to emigrate... of just about any nationality, so that has to be taken into account. Or you’re a lower or mid-caste person youself who worked your way up, and are ashamed of anyone else who hasn’t done as well as you? Reflects poorly on your caste? Again, no humility. In that case there is a saying you should remember, digest, understand and take to heart: “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” BTW, I’m not Christian. It’s just a terrific saying and personal philosophy.

End rant.

Who is this sucker hiding behind the curtains of anonymity (anonymous) and ranting about the Indian Culture and quality of english.

In India.... We have English -Scholars, Schools, colleges, universities, writers, literature and speakers,.... More than, rest of the entire world

But.....

We are not ashamed for any grammatical errors by anyone... Any of us

Because......

We have adopted and nourishing english language... At our will, not to been bounded to follow some Oxford or any other foreign grammatical parameters.

It's our choice and grace... Not a lingual slavery... Just like this bastard lingua slave sucker hiding as anonymous

Our english is correct... As it is...and we are proud of us for this

Just like every statesman, aussi and brit.