A Weekend of Hell

So-so effort

This story is okay, but could have used a bit more. First off, you drop in that your charachter has powers by simply saying "When Paul had first developed mind control powers..." and then nothing. No follow up and no explanation, so the reader is left wondering how.

Also, your plot was a little overly complicated. I didn't understand your reasoning for making her think he suddenly worked for the IRS etc. The senario feels unnecessary, especially one your main charachter has those powers.

Lastly, the sexual descriptions were to brief. You packed a lot of sex in one story and the result was that your sex scenes lacked in punch. The brevity made for somewhat of a bland read.

Overall it's got potential, you just need to work a bit on your charachterizations and discriptions and maybe don't try so hard with the plot development.

Oh and also you shouldn't use words like "fubar" since there might be a lot of people who don't know what that means, especially people from other countries since this site has a lot of international traffic. If one doesn't know what it means it looks like a glaring typo and makes no sense.

-S-