All Comments on 'Un-Merciful Heart'

I like how you crafted the revenge on the pervert. Now I wonder, will we see more of how the father recovers. I think that any parent out there would like to see this happen to all the pedifiles in the world. Great effort keep these good stories coming.

While a real sleze bag is gone. Turner's two girls are the victims, they have lost a Dad and his love in their lives.

I loved the story. Keep up your active mind. and much success.

The ride just keeps getting better.

Is it over or do we have a few miles to go yet?

Didn't get into it.

difficult subject. I think that this reaction by the husband is more likely to occur than the usual reactions authors on this site typically have happen. This story is well-written and is more believable than many of the cheating wives stories on this site. I thank you for your time and effort in writing this story.

Thank you for writting something like this.

Cheers!!

Justice is found at times. Excellent series. Wonderful writing. Very vivid, great detail and characters.

Still, it would seem a just ending. As mentioned, the daughters are major losers. They have lost their dad completely and they know their mom cares very little about them, if at all.

I'm kinda wondering about his leaving the girls with their slut mother. He is sure he has warned her sufficiently?

Good story, well written but really very sad.

but there were several jarring blemishes.

"If contained", instead of perhaps 'it'

"Tell me, where you going to rape that young.." perhaps 'were'

"The form moved around the table.."

"He vomited on the table."

"..the one other piece of furniture in the shack; a small wooden table.."

"..attaching something to the table top."

"..I am going to pick you up and take you over to the table."

"There, firmly attached to the table was a small table vise."

Have we established there was a TABLE, a frail whicker chair, and nothing else in the room? Great emphasis was placed on this TABLE for all of the scene in the shack.

So where did the *&#%%$ desk come from?

"The figure put a leg up and sat on the desktop inches from Strickland."

Maybe he should have sat on the tabletop? It was earlier called a tabletop. There WAS a table, but NO desk, in the room. The author told us so. Can we have a desktop with no desk?

Small belemishes, but nonetheless annoying for someone actually reading the story.

There was a discussion elsewhere on editors and what they should do.

basically predictable, but I loved the way you got round to it.

I fully expected Len to be given the match.

How did your male readers feel thinking about the plastic knife, I wonder?

Len had a couple of chances to make the right choice. Eventually he made one - was it the 'right' one?

I would have maybe mentioned the is, where and table thing, but I see I was gazumped!

What's new, huh?

Anonymous: Funny you should mention that piece of writing as it is mine....and funnier still is that I'm the editor of Chagrined's stories. You were right there was no mention of a "desk" in that story....TABLE yeah but no desk.....BUT...are you telling me that it distracted you so much to see "desk" instead of "table" and it kept you from understanding the story???

Your attention span is very low if such is the case. I kept the desk vs table part as I didn't feel it took anything away from the story and furthermore, if you really want to go into semantics a desk could also be a table and vice-versa.

I made a mistake there to me a man who lives and and works at a "desk" the two are interchangeable. But it was an observation. But Hey, it ain't like I was talking about a living DOA, is it???

I was disappointed when I thought the first chapter was IT. It was certainly not enough. I read and enjoyed the second, and enjoyed it as I did this one.

On the editing, the problem I had was with the pesky little commas! They changed the tempo of the words, implying meanings Chagrined didn't want. It took me a moment or two in one instanceto decipher the meaning.

Now on to the problem of "finishing" the story. You could stop here, but so many strings are left untied! Please, tell us how our demented husband goes on from here. Is he a hunter now, looking for unrepentant sex offenders? With the catharticism of the self-castration did it allow his mind to begin returning. Perhaps enough to nurture his children? I could see him returning to his wife, who is now terrified to do anything to set him off. Maybe he could bring her back somewhat into the lady he loved. Or romance the mother of the child he rescued to give her a Daddy. Somehow get the two families together? For the love of Pete, this is Literotica isn't it?

I do know, if you end it here, the story will never feel complete. And I warn you, the lynch mobs are out there when you do that!

Doug

This last (?) segment of the "Heart" series does a great job exacting the revenge that Dan set out to accomplish.

The only problem I had with it was the inconsistency (as I perceived it) with Dan’s past occupation as a Psy Ops operative (for 15 years) and the psychological disorder that the author saddled him with at the beginning of the story.

Finding out that Dan was highly trained in psychological torture made me think that he would have some "immunity" to that type of disorder. Had he been a "SEAL" or a Delta Force veteran, the beginning and the end of the story might have "tied together" a little more believable for me (at least).

Too bad that Dan was relegated to being a "ghost" in this last episode. It would have been nice to find out more about Dan and how he was "surviving" after his hospital release.

Still, it was an original story line. I liked the fact that the "Avenging Angel" meted out retribution instead of making him a man who just lets life "dump" on him without a pay-back.

Please don't - repeat please don't let them talk you into more chapters of this story!!

The edge goes away after several chapters for readers - the author loses momentum and interest in detail and in what more to say or meaningfully do.

Nuff said - great job as always - please keep on keeping on with the quality work and theme. You are appreciated - Thanks and Best Regards

Regular or extra-crispy?

i could not help but wonder if dan might be going to work for the CIA .

Reminds me a little of the comic book hero, "spawn" who in some episodes actually kills a child molester. Anyway that's the only resemblance. I really got into your story. Keep up the good work.

Reminds me a little of the comic book hero, "spawn" who in some episodes actually kills a child molester. Anyway that's the only resemblance. I really got into your story. Keep up the good work.

Loved your story in all three parts, it was great.

Well the darkness was predictable, but delectable! It was a good series! There are still 2 many loose ends. Does Dan come back and claim his kids? Does he come back and transform himself and his wife back into what they once had?

Does this story deserve a happy ending? Or leave as is? With us wanting the right thing to happen will he come back and reclaim his life? Well just some thoughts?

Thanks for writing!

Sexmate!

great story would like to see a sequel about the husband.

This series was recommended to me by a friend. I was completely taken with the characters and I loved seeing the other side of what cheating does to a person! It was refreshing to read something so dark and realistic.

Thank you for the wonderful story, I'm off to check out more of your work!

Way too many typos, misspelled words, and omitted words for what had previously been such a well written series.

Also, this seems like it would be better as a stand-alone story. You don't need to read the first two parts to be able to follow this one, and to me, it didn't add anything to the first two parts. We learned nothing more about Dan Turner - we just see him as another in a long line of cold, soulless vigilantes. It was like reading an issue of 'the Punisher' comic.

I cannot concieve of a better ending than this. The wife is completely left out of the equation, as she should be. There is no real ending to this tragedy. As it should be. The kids are (supposedly) untouched, as they should be.

It is as neat as it has to be.

Congradulations

beetle

But it has some merit.

I thought the answer to Strickland was great. I would like to see the future of Dan and his family. With what he told his wife about her life depending on the kids well being I would expect Dan to be in his family's life in some way. Please make a sequel.

I just finished reading the whole series and I loved it. Very captivating. I usually like the more erotic stories but this one I couldn't pull myself away from.

that's what the story boils down to: a psychotic husband and a rapist/pedophile. it has nothing to do with being guardian angel, loving, caring, protective toward children and women, etc.

it's simply a man who's not able to love and that's probably a BIG part why the wife turns to a child molestor for her sexual needs, not caring about her husband or her children (she didn't know that at first of course)

the man, naturally, blames the world, the child molestor, and the cheating wife for all his problems. what he said at the end of the second installment said everything:

after he found out what his wife has been doing for months with the child molestor/rapist, how she makes decisions regarding her children, he says to her:

here's some of the liquidated money; take real good care of the children now, y'hear? they are your insurance; wherever you go, they go with you; if you neglect or abuse them in any way (3 meals, they get all, she goes hungry, he says, for example), i will know; then i will come for you and you will die a painful death (more or less; she's so scared of him, more so than she's scared of the rapist/child molestor, in fact --- she simply nodds and hopes he doesn't strangle her immediately!)

i, too, would rather deal with a rapist and child molestor, if i had to choose those two characters: at least I know I am living with a rapist and a child molestor, so I can make a certain predictive plans.

this husband is pure psychotic.

but in a way, it is good to write such a story, though. most just think all or most of what this husband does is honourable and merely protecting his family. it's not. it is a man of deep psychosis who's merely happened to be a husband to a wayward wife,,,

poor kids

Did you actually read this story. The husband wasn't like that before. That is what he turned into when he caught his whore of a wife fucking another man. How would you feel or not feel if you walked in to your house and saw your wife fucking another man. Sure he didn't pay enough atention to her, but he was working his ass off to support the whore. The woman in this story is lucky. If it would have been me i would have kicked her ass out and taken everything, including the kids. I would have made sure everyone she knew found out what a lying,cheating,stupid whore she was. In short i would have ruined her life. But thats just me. Pay atention to the story next time.

Like said the husband wasn't always like this. He only became like this after seeing the wife with the other guy. Personally and I think the story points to this, that it's her saying "I love you" to Strickland is what really does the damage. The way it's presented it seems like she truly loved the other guy.

Now take that and combine it with the fact that it's his daughter, youngest I think, calls him and tells him a man if hurting mommy "again" and when he gets there he sees her having sex with someone else. Two things happen.

1. He realizes she is cheating on him and has been happening for some time in his own bed.

2. His children or child has actually seen her having sex with this guy before due to the call he gets.

Each one has it's own subset of problems as a result. I don't blame the guy at all for going off the way he did. Especially after finding out that the guy is a child molester and rapist and the wife had him in the house with 3 young children or at least very near him. Sorry but that kind of information would cause anyone to react in an extreme situation I believe.

I like to think that when you have kids they come first above all things or at least they should. That's what I believe and think due to my parents raising me. Screw her feelings and desires. She put their children at risk physically, mentally and emotionally. It's almost as bad as if she had directly attack the kids herself with bat or something. Damage has been done and that seems to be his main concern and he knows that he isn't in the right mindframe to take care of them thus the reason for the demands he makes to the wife about the kids coming first and how she will die if she doesn't do right by them.

The wife comes off even worse when you hear Strickland's thoughts. How the wife was pressing him to marry her after the husband found out. So while he was in the hosptial and getting treatment at the beginning she wanted the other man to marry her and her husband be damn. I really wish this bit of information could have made it to the husband. Not so he did more to the wife but I would really have loved to see what his reaction to this bit of information. Though it might not have changed things.

Still this was a wild story and I really enjoyed it. Would love to see what the wife's reaction to hearing what happen to Strickland. Wonder what the cops will do since they have a good idea it was the husband but at least Pat seems to feel he was justified in his actions. I think so too, not just because what happen to the husband but because who Strickland was and what he was even going to do to the little girl at the end and what he had done in the past. Sometimes I feel the system just doesn't work when people like that are actually allowed to go free.

Two postings previous, Anonymous said,

"i, too, would rather deal with a rapist and child molestor, if i had to choose those two characters: at least I know I am living with a rapist and a child molestor, so I can make a certain predictive plans."

I cannot imagine what goes on in this person's head. The notion that pure evil is tolerable if it is predictable is abhorrent. Cancer's predictable. You die from it. I suppose Anonymous thinks people should have cancer rather than schizophrenia.

You're one sick individual. Perhaps your fantasies involve rape and pedophilia. If so, please seek professional help. While you're at it, do the rest of humanity a favor and don't breed.

After spending years as a shift supervisor in the pen I know some are beyond redemption

It is like so many comments about so many stories - someone gets a bug about a single piece of the story makes THAT the story even when it is not accurate and then is able to make some inane comment -

There was nothing essentially wrong with the husband until he was so completely traumatized by the actions of the wife and Len - his DAUGHTER called him to come home and see them - he was busting his ass - OK maybe that is not the best way to hold a family together - but it is the way people are taught to be

Go out - be the bread winner - (man or woman) be successful so the family does well - give them everything they need or want. The wife clearly wanted him to do that as well - but then she wanted the parts he could not provide while doing what she wanted - she wanted someone to be totally attentive to her too so she needed 2 people - oops - she betrayed the man who was sacrificing his life for and he found out in the most horrible way.

He snapped - did you read the first installment it was all that was about - and most of the second - read to understand then open your mind just an inch then put your mouth in gear fool!!

So who was the sick one in the beginning - well there were 2 Strickland and Sylvia - neither lived in the real world.

DAS WAR WUNDERBAR !!!

Were there errors? Yes. Did they detract from the story? No! The characters were real and the protagonists suitably dark. A great tale and well told, so leave it where it is.

Deep and dark. The part about Psy Ops was not really used and could have been omitted! The only purpose was to let the reader know Hubby was a major-league hardass!

I agree with the observation that a person so trained would NOT go catatonic when bad shit happened. Hubby was NOT aware Sweetie's lover was a pederast at the time, but Hubby did know the kids' mother was NOT protecting them from exposure to her sexual forays!

Actually, I believe a case can be made for Anon's choice of rapist and child molester! Choose the CM, then immediately kill the sucker and dispose of the body far out to sea, wearing concrete gloves and shoes.

5*

To close this out.

Great character.

Thx

and now for an encore of Burning Love, TK U MLJ LV NV

is the daughter Teresa. She cared enough to call her father but now has lost both parents. I will be a long and difficult road for her as she becomes an adult. Sad is not strong enough.

It would have been so different if as I said at the end of ch 01 the dad had just stepped forward and kicked Strickland as hard as possible in the ass while he was coupled with the cheating wife.

Wow, please whatever you do don't ever write any children's stories. This was a very well thought out story that gradually became darker & darker. I hope for the wife's sake that he doesn't go back to her as she'll be scared shitless all the time, of course that's what she deserves. I really feel for the kids though as it looks like they've lost their dad for good. A high 5 *****

What a dark story,very well written thank you.

He really was like Lector,a serial kill with some weird code normal people just don't understand.

It is kind of hard to believe that a 15 year veteran of military Psy Ops would break down like that, run away, and take months to turn into a cold "death machine".

While he may have "put aside" the military lifestyle, the training would still be there, the mindset and reactions to threats would not have disappeared.

15 years of working with military special operations would have a deep and permanent influence.

very compelling tale. Five stars.

They are not the same thing and PSYOP Soldiers do not torture people either physically or mentally.

you or someother author should do a story on the wifes emotions and life with the kids after her husband caught them and she found out she was fucking a child molester

This is what is called a dark tale...But the only dark person found himself dark by being badly burned...The devil finally found himself in hell...

I know it's tremendous revenge against the pedophile but at what cost? He lost his soul and his kids but the wife still lives and cares for his children. Another chapter could have him saving the children and with that deed get his soul back but I'm just reaching for this. Excellent series of tales.

Really, he sounded completely broken in Un-break my heart and hopeless.

In the second story he did not sound like a live human being either in the exit

interview or in the kaffeeklatch with his wife. I really continue feeling that, he is right and can not risk trying to contact his children. He is virtually completely burned out.

This is not a "win". This is just wandering down the same path of anger. Here's the deal; life is about living! Not killing, not depression, not negativity! This guy needs to get his head straight. 1. He needs to get back to work. 2. He needs to spend time with his kids. 3. He needs to get his kids into a better environment. His wife? Ex? is a stupid, selfish sleaze - she is NOT a good influence. He needs to understand that he can live for his children! He needs to protect them and provide for them. The bitch needs to go - away.

Harsh but justified. Det. Gibson had it entirely right.

Thanks for the great story.

got done. that justice might serve as a deterrent against child molesting.

5 star

Really enjoyed all three stories. Each had a great ending. Great characters, plot and outcomes!

Please keep writing!

A simply wonderful ending for that story. That should happen to every single chomo out there

Now I see your back after a 10 year absence. If you re ran these 3 chapters your star would shine up there with the best!

cause it and the entire series is clearly a 5! Great series, taut writing, just thoroughly enjoyed it again (and apparently more than the first time).

Man I would love to see you begin writing again.

This series of stories dealing with the heart of all three the cheating wife, the pedophile and the hard working husband who takes matters into his own hands. A great set of tales by a talented author dealing with matters of the heart. You got to have heart.

I think you should forget about the horns, TK U MLJ LV NV

Wife will pay for the rest of her life. Still, it would be nice if she started to enter a new relationship, that had so much hope and excitement, then got a visit and a reminder that she no longer has a life of her own, nor any hope of future joy or happiness. The rest of her life is to be devoted solely and only to her children's happiness and success. Money, day car, grandma care, sure. But a new life of her own, with love and companionship; no. They are both walking dead now. She killed him. And if she tries to get away, he will kill her. Her being reminded of her premature death would be an interesting sequel.

The pervert got just what he deserved!!

As everyone knows how I abhors rapists, I think that the only thing missing was the wife picking up a newspaper with stricklands story on front page, and her realizing that her hubby was behind it all, also the administrator seeing the same story as well. Wife will always be looking over her shoulder making sure the kids were happy..

Why couldn't a normal American male concoct this revenge? Why do you have to make him a psy-op super hero. A specialized warrior is stress tested especially if he counter intelligence. He would not could not crack over a cheating wife. You weakened what could have been a good story.

Still love it.

I really enjoyed the short series. My only complaint is around the fact our intrepid Avenging Angel is supposed to be a Psy-Ops trained specialist. That being the case, why did he so easily "break" when he saw his cheating wife with the pedophile? That plus is took him 6 months to recover. I'd have thought his training would have "conditioned" him to respond differently.

Anyway, total 5 for me! Thanks and please keep writing!

“husband had begun climbing the corporate ladder he hadn't had the time she wanted him to have for her” – Even if, as Strickland says here, that WASN’T a load of crap, it ignores, as her husband said, I believe in the second story, that the time he spent “climbing the corporate ladder” was what gave her the life style she so enjoyed.

“the wife nagging Strickland about his promise to marry her” – WTF? I thought she “loved” her husband?

You ask why he broke if he was a psyops pro, that is answered easily in this case. Basically they screw with other minds so badly that they need an anchor in their lives to keep perspective. Same way as all psychiatrist need to be in therapy to handle what they see in a day. His world shattered when the one person he thought he could count on to never betray him, did so in his one safe place if you will. That's why psyops and blackops people are scared of them. When they go to the dark side, they go all out.

As for this tale, I am a bit disappointed, as he could have broken Len in so many ways. However it was also genius in that he made Len do the mutilation by himself to his pride and joy. That will leave scars not only visible but invisible as well, as the one thing he really had going for him, he himself was forced to destroy. He has now lost all sense of self worth. I can easily see Len suicide later on due to his loss... Would have liked more buildup though.

Thanks for the offering.

This was 1 dark story. Yes, there are loose ends at the end, but the ending was exactly where the story should have ended. Any epilogue or continuation would destroy the effect.

10 *s....oops! Unfortunately I can only give you 5*. However, each chapter got 5*. Damn! You're a good writer!

Only one miss, he should have locked the shed door to increase the burn and injury busting thru the wall to get out - otherwise Bravo-Zulu.

I loved the 'fear' he put into her - her only duty is to his children.

There is no way that a man with advanced PSY OPS training for over 15 years is going to break seeing his wife with another man.... That is too much of a reach for anyone who has been around these men for any length of time.... My husband(jay80), was an officer (Green Beret, 5th SF) then JSOC, the psych training and evaluations they go through even to be accepted in would mean this guy is of strong mental make up.......... Just my humble opinion from first hand experience even with PTSD being a very real issue.....

the wife came out smelling of roses! she wanted rid of hubby to marry strickland, she walked away with the kids,house, money everything she wanted.

can't knock you for torturing a peado but to let the wife off scot free and for him not be part of his kids lives anymore was a poor conclusion. for the sake of a good story he had more than enough evidence to claim custody after her whoring put them at risk, and that was the direction this story should have followed, not all that special forces psy ops crap

would like to know what happened after this

He's talking about her nagging him to marry her, but at that time she was still married!

I didn’t read this story because I got tired just reading the author’s intro to it.

Well written. From the husband's angst to the doctor's fear and the cop's anger in part one all the way through the end I could feel the emotion. It held my attention.

Very nicely done.

Dan Turner would make a great starring character. The Avenging Angel as he dubbed himself. Righting wrongs and helping the helpless.

he sure got his revenge now he needs to go back and take charge of every thing and make his ex suffer more and take care of his kids

A story about a real man experiencing real pain becomes a cliched “special forces” revenge story.

Beautiful revenge on Len, now go.home and offer Sheryl a similar choice.

See,,,,the unstable man was not a monster...but one who wanted his own peace of mind, TK U MLJ LV NV

This is one story I won’t forget! Great revenge! Fantastic character development. I can only imagine what his wife’s face looked like when the police came to visit her, realizing that she created and unleashed this beast that used to be a man! Better take good care of the kids Sheryl!

Sometimes it's good to wait to fulfill a really good revenge!

The betrayer is living in fear, a fear that will never lessen!

And of course a real "Burn the bastard" ending!

Five star story this one.

the wife should be given a similar treatment. not because she's evil to her core, just normal amounts of evil. as i define evil...to cause un-necessary suffering, usually in one's self interest.

while i like what he did to his wife, it's just blah. he wont be able to spend time with his children, one of his last few links to his humanity. it felt like a cop-out that he felt embarrassed to see them in his current state, because i believe seeing his kids, and not her, would un-break his heart. and she's too stupid to have them. maybe a decent mother, but allowing a child sex offender into her home as a lover? soooo stupid. even if on accident, that only shows she lacks the instincts of a good parent.

great series sorry you stopped writing

Brilliant, thanks.

or that anything could ever happen to them/ TK U MLJ LV NV

They are all powerful, deeply meaningful, and real. Thank you for writing them.

It’s stories like this one that make guys like Swingerjoe cringe and grab their balls to protect them.

Great sequel

The bad guy loses...

But the victim has still lost all that was good in his life.

No vindication with his revenge can make up for the loss.

Somehow, I can't help but feel the wife, who was the most guilty, got off relatively scot free. Too bad there was no retribution for her.

I read your comment about the desk/table. Are we to understand that you didn’t fix an error because you didn’t feel it detracted from the story? That’s what I understand.

You get a lot of kudos here, but I think you should lean more about the process. Your job is to remove any barrier you can between the author and reader that mistakes, grammar and content cause, if you go that far. You belittle a person for being distracted because of an error? Shame on you. A reader’s attention span shouldn’t be your concern. Making sure it’s never needed should be.

Your defensive, aggressive response didn’t do you any favors. I’m starting to believe all the complaints about an arrogant, divisive group on here. Are you a member?

Of course, I expect this comment won’t see the light of day, but I hope the author passes it on to you.

...for this story -- and I'm talking about all three of them.

I've awarded five stars -- which is rare for me -- as I believe it sits up there with the best of them.

The wife received her just desserts and would spend the rest of her life doing penance for her betrayal. Sure, the kids missed out on having their father around, but he knew that he was damaged beyond repair. Damaged or not, though, he obtained his vengeance from both his wife and her lover.

And the lover also received what the justice system failed to give him -- surgical castration -- but he did it to himself.

This is a good story, which was well told. It has also stood the test of time,

Normally I'm a peaceful person, but I would like to give these 3 choices to every rapist and child molester.

Fantastic - even the 2nd time around. I re-read the entire trilogy and loved it. Your punishment is what should happen to every rapist and child molester. Your writing and story telling skills are great. Please continue to exercise them.

Prior comments bemoaned the fact that the wife got off relatively scot free -- Strickland's retribution was physical, fairly immediate to the original event, and designed to force the individual to render himself unable to function in that matter ever again. However, the wife's retribution was in keeping within the Psy Ops background -- mental, long term and behavior changing --- by his watching to be sure that she was the best mother she could be by putting the children first or there would be unnamed consequences. Well done!!

Perfect closure to one of the best story series ever in Literotica. Chagrined is a writer.

Please, no! Not Special Forces, but Military Intelligence!

/

If Strickland does survive, won't he accuse Turner?

5 stars - this is a fantasy story BUT the perp got exactly what he deserved - one less pervy to worry about.

Great conclusion!

If Strickland cut off is own dick he would have very quickly bled to death.

Too many holes in the story. First major hole, MC had mental breakdown in 1st story, then in 3rd story he was a former military psyops, doesn't add up. He wouldn't go off the deep end catching his wife with another man! Second major hole, protagonist cutting his genitals off with a plastic serrated knife would have caused massive blood loss, most likely lethal.

Story had potential, just don't make MC so psychologically vulnerable, then try to sell him as elite military.

I'm not sure if I said this before, but others have - How is a guy trained in Psy-Ops, so psychologically damaged by what he saw? MAYBE after yanking the guy of his wife and at least beating the crap out of him, if not killing him, he might snap, but not like he did.