All Comments on 'Ian's Wild Twin Sister'

by HornySwede

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  • 10 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
18

That's how old you need to be to write stories here and you most certainly have another 3 or 4 more years to wait. This is just juvenile garbage.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago

There wasn't much there to explain why brother and sister, who have been very little connected for the last years, suddenly start to have sex together -- with the only communication about the fact that they were about to / had broken a strict taboo being a comment that "It was fun."....

Sounds to me more like the plot of a second rate porn movie.

Spaniard2017Spaniard2017almost 6 years ago
You need more practice.

It’s your first attempt at a story, so take on board constructive criticism. You need to develop the storyline better before jumping into the sex action. Jealousy could be a powerful motive for Ian, but what was the motive for his sister. Why was she so suddenly accepting of his unexpected sexual advances? Is English your first language? You need to read through the story several times before publishing. There are a lot of words missing and one section is repeated. Careful checking, by yourself or someone else would prevent this. Keep working at it.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
Juvenile is right.

Don't give up your day job (if you're old enough to have one).

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
Good Basis

The basic plot works but then you jump from point A to E without any character development or background. The story as it is more a rough draft than a finished product. It can be made in to something awesome but as it is it pretty bad.

Some of the question I would like answered is why did Ian and Anna drift apart, What is the siblings true feeling for one another, why did Anna just not provide more resistance, and what is that makes Anna wild?

paladin1954paladin1954almost 6 years ago
Development!

I will say the comment by those giving constructive criticism is pretty much spot on. If they made a comment while logged into the site, you can guarantee that those people care if you become a better writer. While a few of the Anonymous comments are legit, about 75% of them are simply trolls who hide behind that anonymous tag to simply be mean...you know the ones telling you are too immature to write or that your story sucks...anyway, take negatively written anonymous comments as you would a grain of salt...just brush them off.

Develop your characters, plot, twists and such fully. Either use a grammar program or one of the volunteer editors to help make sure your sentence structure, spelling, errors using conjunctions, or improper use of certain words are corrected before submitting (to - two - too, there - their - they're, then - than, wear - were - where, etc.).

Good Luck writing in the future! I hope this has been a help, I would be glad to look and make suggestions.

Ricky

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
Holy fuck

You guys are assholes. For a first attempt this was good. You can't judge it by more experience authors. Y'all suck!!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
Goo d

I liked the premis just some more discription but great job

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
Afterschool

"Afterschool" - huh?

"you're" and "your" are not interchangeable.

More, but can't be bothered. This was not a good read.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

Nussin siskon pillua kiimassa.

Anonymous
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