All Comments on 'Cambodia'

I will never read anything by you again, if you'd put that at the start it would have STOPPED me reading a largely UNFINISHED story! What a waste of time, there is basically no story, but that is leudon for you, her stories are the same. This was absolute garbage and all about adopting a child from Camodia? You might want to stop with the acid because you're trippin if you think this was a good story. Just another writer on here who makes women out to be bimbos 1*

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because Cambodian orphans! Lol!

Did i miss the part where everything gets explained because i’m confused. One minite shes discussing chesting on him or at least fantasizing about other people and the next he's saying she cant adopt some Cambodian child... What Cambodian child?

Mentioning that name is enough to keep me from reading this. Good thing I checked the comments first.

i dont seem to understand but doesnt look like im the only one

I can alienate a complete readership for you.

Lue

That was a surprice ending.

But then again, the writer didn't explain

what their arguements were about.

It is true that women usually take the heat,

when children are born.

How do we deal with that?

Western societies are taking small steps

in taking the pressure of mothers.

So hopefully things are moving

in the right direction.

We guys are in debt to our wives.

A debt they have a right to call in.

But adoption at their age.

Isn't that a little too much, lol?

I like this story.

It has warmth, while dealing with a big issue.

Didn't like though the wife suggesting cheating.

Even if it was just a joke.

I think most people would not think

such jokes funny.

Thanks writer for an entertaining story.

Top ratings from me.

Decent first story.

However, if she was programming genius then all she needed was to learn ''rules'' of new languages. Enrolling at a technical school would allow her that education and keep her quite busy.

Take my instructor in first programming class at two year college. He had worked construction for decades never writing one line of code. He became disbled when co-worker rammed forklift into scaffold. He took voc-rehab at technical college. Two years after graduation in his early fifties he became programming instructor at that school.

A good flash story with a surprising and funny end. 3*

Okay, this was obviously meant as satire, but even satire has to have some logic.

We're supposed to believe that somehow her husband knew all those sex fantasies she was throwing out had something to do with her wanting to adopt a Cambodian orphan?

For a twist to be effective, it can't be a TOTAL non sequitor. She obviously had already asked for, and been refused the adoption off-screen. That explains the husband's calm demeanor at her affair teasings. Keeping key facts hidden is a cheat, not a twist. Since this is his POV, for us to not know that HE knows it's all part of her ploy adopt is a cheat.

Better would have him NOT know, be getting madder and madder as she escalates, THEN, just before he explodes she says, "Well, why don't we adopt a Cambodian orphan then?" Rim shot!

As others have said, her skills may have been out of date, but she had her intelligence, she could have learned new skills.

suggestions remain in the libido and id long after the pair dissolve, TK U MLJ LV NV

I've been writing a few stories on and off, this one was the easiest to complete and submit. Now that it's out there, the mechanics of publishing to this site are becoming more clear. Since it's morning for me, I won't have much time to respond to comments at length until later. I did want to respond to this one though.

"For a twist to be effective, it can't be a TOTAL non sequitor. She obviously had already asked for, and been refused the adoption off-screen. That explains the husband's calm demeanor at her affair teasings. Keeping key facts hidden is a cheat, not a twist. Since this is his POV, for us to not know that HE knows it's all part of her ploy adopt is a cheat."

This was the part that was toughest to balance for me. My internal debate was, striking the right balance between leaving enough clues and not telegraphing the ending. I agree that a sudden twist for the sake of having a twist, is a "cheat." It's like a mystery story that no reader could possibly figure out before the ending, because no clues at all preceded it. I did endeavor to put subtle hints in throughout the way, however based on comments thus far, it seems I probably needed a few more.

I wasn't even sure on whether or not the title would be a dead giveaway. I alternated back and forth between "Cambodia" and using the Jefferson Airplane song "Somebody to Love." I decided against the latter because I thought that one might make the ending even more obvious, and also because I didn't want to raise expectations that my next submission would be called "White Rabbit." That would be a great title.

The twist was actually a bit of a surprise - but a good one.

4/5 for the humour

Although I'm surprised Luedon didn't advise you to block anonymice comments. She doesn't like us.

This was written to impact the reader, and I think that's a mistake. It should be written to tell an interesting compelling story, and let the resulting story impact the reader. The husband knows what the wife is doing, and the wife knows what she is doing, and the wife knows that the husband knows what the wife is doing, and its all a ruse. But the reader does not find out until the very end, and then realizes, oh, the reader is the brunt of the joke in this story. Why? Oh, because the author wants to pull our leg. I thought the author wanted to tell us an interesting story. Naw, he/she just wants to play with our minds. I hope it was good for you.

It would have been darker but more compelling if the story continues, and it turns out the wife really did fuck all the people she mentioned, and the adoption is just a ruse to distract her husband from her cheating. The wife get's caught when the husband relents and allows the adoption, even starts the process, and suddenly the wife couldn't care less about adopting a child and messing up her fuck fest. And maybe the husband dumps the wife and falls for the social worker helping with the adoption and the story ends with the husband and the social worker getting married and raising one or more foreign adopted children. The ex wife slinks off to whoreville, and you can do whatever you want with her.

Now that's a compelling story. What you wrote was a joke. I won't rate it since it was a cute plot, just kind of dumb. Keep trying. And thanks to Luedon for helping.

I'm glad the Piper took the criticisms of the twist kindly and didn't lash out. As this comment says, i wasn't so much a twist as a joke at the readers' expense.

I don't know if I would go as dark as this comment suggested, but I like the Anon "Satire" suggestion where the husband ISN'T in on the "joke," and his anger escalates until the big reveal of the twist to both him and the readers.

It was well written but the twist ending was more of a cokscrew.

Touching and funny. Nice short with good twist.

This was a well written and pretty original short.

I felt sympathy for the wife and was actually on her side, becoming a little confused when she started talking about her week and his responses.

At the end, I was smiling and still felt for her.

The score doesn't make a lot of sense.

Welcome to Lit and the ever-appreciative Loving Wives audience! I think this idea is well-executed for what it is. A little lighthearted humor between two middle-aged empty nesters experiencing their midlife crisis together.

I’m not sure that the “joke” here is a home run, but it’s a solid base hit. I’m generally not a fan of stories where the narrator speaks directly to the readers, but this works well enough.

Keep at it.

Misdirection at its finest. Though I admit that I would go along with her proposal.

I liked it. 5*

Okay PiperHamlin, you showed off your sharp humor and that awesome creative wit🙇‍♂️,lol.

How about a story with an interesting plot and character development, hmm??

Read you again 😏.

AMerryman

I questioned why he was acting so nonchalant. The potato comment was hilarious. And don’t listen to the fools about stories here. They whine and cry if every wife is not modeled after June Cleaver. They forget just what this category is supposed to be about. “Loving Wives” unfortunate name but the description Literotica has following spells it out. It’s a shame they can read the stories but can’t be bothered to read the category description.

see a loving wife, a hot wife, a shared wife or even an interesting wife. This should go under non-erotic and the much needed topic of Don't Waste Your Time.

This was a nice little flash short. I was originally going along with the assumption that I think you meant the reader to have, about their "issue." I enjoyed the reveal, although felt it was a bit rushed. Good effort! 4*

They commented on the story, but your first words are to comment on them. Telling the writer to ignore others for the sin of daring to have a different opinion is a far better definition of hater.

<P>

There is a big difference between saying "I disagree" and "Ignore those who don't agree with me."

Indeed it was, Anonymous, and you and I are apparently among the few who saw the joke.

For those who didn't, go back and just read the dialogue. Forget the punchline.

I had difficulty as check-reader because I had tears in my eyes from laughing at the dialogue.

Yes, Anonymous, the bit about the potato was hilarious. How could anybody have possibly read it and taken it as a serious marital scene?

And how about:

"What if he saw me ... licking her pussy ... and then started fucking me? He saw me taking care of her, then he took care of me. What if it was so hot, I couldn't say no?"

"Well, fortunately it seems we have a new washing machine now. So you can avoid that temptation."

Much of the LW commentariat seems to have lost its collective funnybone. Like the burghers of Hamelin.

Lue

At first look it appeared his wife was straining to not have an affair. Then the story took a turn and it seemed she was trying to negotiate an adoption. I'm not sure what her having an affair with strangers has to do with her wanting to adopt a foreign national child, but it was a leap too far and made no real sense. So while this was fairly well written from a technical standpoint, you missed on the interesting or entertaining part. Try again.

...and clever

Evidently Piper is Pied

If you are familar with luedon - in comment sense ''familar''- and the story she referenced you will understand how clever she is

If neither, you won't.

I don't get it. Should I have gotten it?

Is there a choice? Screw other people or adopt a foreign child?

Ok. I get it.

No muss

No fuss

No rating

While reading his description of his wife's breasts, I concurred with his statement about smaller breasts ''standing up'' better to the ravages of time. Very generally

speaking Tis true tis true.

But the funny part came later, indicating to me, author has no idea what birth control pills do to women's breasts, nor what happens when they stop taking them. Do not recall him mentioning whether she nursed their children.

But even if they were bottle fed, the birth control pills would have left their mark.

The breasts swell thinking the woman is pregnant. Once off the pills, that ''swelling'' goes down but the breasts do not return to the ''before'' shape.

At the age of 19 I was horrified at the effect, so that it not what I find humorous. Thankfully, in my early 30s I could afford surgery.

What I find funny is the author wanting reader to believe that after being on pill for a few years, then having children, his wife's breasts are as perfect and perky as ever.

First, thank all who commented, whether you liked the story or didn't. Both types of comments I find can be valuable. There do seem to be number of comments of a similar nature, so I'm responding now to those who are of like mind by this comment made earlier by an anonymous poster:

"This was written to impact the reader, and I think that's a mistake. It should be written to tell an interesting compelling story, and let the resulting story impact the reader. The husband knows what the wife is doing, and the wife knows what she is doing, and the wife knows that the husband knows what the wife is doing, and its all a ruse. But the reader does not find out until the very end, and then realizes, oh, the reader is the brunt of the joke in this story. Why? Oh, because the author wants to pull our leg."

I can see why this might be an interpretation, and consider voicing this criticism valid. That was actually not my intent though. The "twist" was written because I needed a reason for why the couple was having the dialogue they were having. I started with the idea of a wife telling her husband these fantasies, as though there was the peril of impending infidelity, and having dialogue where the husband was unconcerned about the possibility of it. So I wrote a bunch of dialogue I thought would be personally funny, because it was the complete opposite of many similar dialogues during that situation in stories I've read (and enjoyed) here.

That story sat unfinished for a while, because I couldn't think of a reason why this atypical conversation would be happening. The basis of the story for me, was having that moment. Eventually I came up with the idea you see here, on how to reverse engineer from that point. So it was then I added in the elements in the back story needed to fairly arrive at that dinner conversation, without (I hoped), giving away the fun.

So that's when I added in things like his vasectomy, making her a full-time mother, subtext in her dialogue, etc. The "twist" was my way of allowing me to write a scene where a husband was more excited by his potato than alarmed that his wife might be getting hot and heavy some day with a stranger in the laundry room.

The fact that some reached a different interpretation of the motives for the story, I consider based solely on what I published. I can honestly see where that comes from. If I didn't accomplish what I was trying to do completely, ultimately that's a note to craft the story differently next time.

My thanks to all the folks that sent me private feedback. I'm still finding my "sea legs" on Literotica, so I'm not sure what the etiquette around these parts is. So I'm gonna play it safe and thank you all here publicly as a group, without mentioning names. I will say that getting a private message of encouragement from an author I admire here, was an awesome thing to see when I got home. This has been a fun experience for me.

It was very entertaining and I enjoyed the segue at the end, it made total sense to me and I laughed at the finish! Top Marks!

Thank you for the fun and distracting read and I hope to see more from you in the future!

You have Lue and SwingerJoe praising your work. That will be difficult to overcome for high ratings. I'm not famous,as they are, but I got the joke, and I liked it.

And laughed just as much as I did on first reading.

PiperHamlin, may I advise against taking most of the critical advice given by the commentariat. On a free site like Literotica, authors should write for themselves and if the readers like it and say so, that's a bonus. If they don't like it and say so, that's informative at best and entertaining at least.

This story was a spoof on one of the typical LW themes: Happy marriage, perfect wife, kids grow up and leave home, empty-nested wife gets bored and looks for something beyond what she currently has within the marriage.

What made it a spoof was the reaction of the husband. No demands for wifely fidelity or perverted pleasure at hearing of her exploits; just surreal parallel dialogue as he tried to ignore what she was saying whilst knowing all the time where she was trying to take the conversation.

An excellent first submission and I look forward with interest to the next PH srory.

Lue

Early on I was getting a bit annoyed at how general were the descriptions of the "problem" they were having, but the ending made that wash away for the most part. Hard to be too specific and not give the joke away. That said, I'm left to wonder about the process whereby the wife got to this particular approach to argumentative pressure, and in many ways that might be a more interesting story. I completely understand the writing challenge you were after, but the issue of how such dialogue developed between them and what that says about the relationship is equally interesting, since one has to presume this isn't something terribly new, given the husband's lack of rising to the bait.

And even now after reading clarifying comments it just sems a lame approach. I mean you clearly had A majority of rwaders confused-that is never good.

The parallel dialog might have been humorous for those in on the joke, but it was just frustrating for most of us not in the know.

A "gotcha" is funny in a joke, but in a story, it just turned the story into a long joke. If that was your intent, then good job!

To the extent there was a joke, only the author was 'In' on it..

There may have been those who saw the punchline as the funny part of the story. If so, I can understand that they thought it a rather weak joke. Surely they simply missed the point?

But how could anybody with even the slightest sense of the ridiculous read the husband's responses to the wife's nonsensical statements about her sexual urges, and not see the sheer lunacy of the situation?

Maybe the LW commentariat is taking life a bit too seriously.

Lue

Almost the whole time I was reading this hilarious story, I was thinking, "WTF does this have to do with Cambodia?!" It wasn't until I read ...

"But then, I realized they might kidnap me. I could wind up in a foreign country. Some of those places are so bad. I can't imagine trying to fend for myself in such an awful place. The poor people in those countries."

Then I connected the dots a split second before the connection was revealed within the story. Well played sir, well played. I'd normally give this story a 4, but after seeing how you UNINTENTIONALLY ruffled the feathers of many in the comments section, I'm upgrading to a 5. You did something more successfully than people who troll for that effect, without even trying. I believe only you can defeat Thanos.

Perhaps some readers such as myself were reminded of HDK's ''I Saw Her Standing There'' when wife started talking about washing machine.

Seemed to me this story was inspired by HDK's.

Perhaps not everyone does not share your sense of humor.

HDK's was very amusing, but scored only 3.6.

I can understand that some think story is funny, even if they had to be informed it was a joke.

However, I have trouble equating the genius wife husband described in story's beginning with the vapid pretend vamp she became at conclusion.

Perhaps that transformation was one nuance of the joke.

I found your story very amusing. If it doesn't score well then one would have to ask why the recent eight chapter 'God Laughs' where the writer felt that their humor was so wonderful and all of the people wanting to get their approval went along with it. Maybe on your next story you should add a big cock drug lord, big breasted blond cop, a trans body builder and an elephant then you to can score over 4.5. No keep writing just the way you do.

The big difference between this and "God Laughs," is that in this story the reader was the butt of the joke.

It was like a shaggy dog story. The funny part was in the process of getting to the punchline, not the punchline itself.

Nobody was the butt of the joke. To the extent that the ending was unexpected by the reader, it's hardly something to get all defensive about.

Lue

As one of the Anon's pointed out. this story is almost the same as HDK's 'I Saw Her Standing There'. The only real difference being the husband saw the delivery truck going down the street and the wife was almost nude before the conversation. HDK pulled a 3.8 in 2/13/08. Are we to believe that the thinking of L/W readers were open to this style of humor then but not now?

God Laughs read like a slapstick comedy. After the second chapter it just became a one up to see who could write the same thing only make it more outlandish. The things that the authors wrote would be looked down on L/W so they chose Chain Stories instead then prompted L/W readers to go there and vote. How an author scores now isn't on content but if the greats approve.

You do also realize that "I Saw Her Standing There" was one of only seven out of 170 HDK stories to score under four, right? So, maybe this kind of humor WASN'T all that appreciated back then!

I stand by my position that keeping the info that their "discussion" was about adoption hidden from us so that the twist could be sprung was a cheat.

We COULD have been told that they argued about adoption, and we still wouldn't have KNOWN that her teases were to push him towards accepting it until the end. Some of us would have seen what she was doing, some of us not, but that would be on us.

PH has potential and we readers hungry for worthy stories should applaud his willingness to tread the blood soaked sand of the LW arena. I enjoyed it and hope for more.

It occurred to me that 'Not In My House', SeeingEye's story about the wife wanting BBC, had a similar structure to PH's story.

And, sure enough, SB commented:

"I like a good twist as much as the next guy, but this was lame.

What made it worse was that the husband actually knew what she really meant, so we were the only ones that the joke was on."

Ah well.

Lue

Aw, shucks. Thanks for that. Comments like that encourage/enable me. Second story on the way. Hope I realize that potential. I've learned a lot from my first experience submitting. Hopefully my next one reflects that in a good way.

Thanks for this change of pace story in LW. Well done. Is there more?

Believable characters. Intelligent dialogue. A touch of humor. Fun to read.Thanks *****

When you didn't describe the conversation they had that left things tense my imagination ran wild. Then when she was discussing the men that reinforced my thoughts. It was odd he wasn't overly worked up over it and I love how he commented on the Potatoes lol.

But when the NO, we aren't adopting the Cambodian Kid came out I nearly spat my Pineapple Crush out of my mouth and nose lol.

BTW: Pineapple Crush is an acquired taste that doesn't happen overnight. It took almost a full 12 pack for me to come to appreciate it. My grandkids talked me into buying it originally but neither of them decided they liked it. I hate to throw things out so I kept at it. At about can number 10, I decided it wasn't half bad. I don't have more than 1 in a day and I don't have a can on consecutive days, but overalll, it's, not half bad.

I've always enjoyed the journey more than the destination when touring on the bike. A lot of people don't get that. This story was more about the journey.

The dialog was hilarious. I enjoyed the WTF aspect--no clue where we're headed, but knowing it had to go somewhere because we're running out of page--held it all together until the reveal. Terrific writing.

I enjoyed Lue's comments almost as much as the story itself. You guys obviously make a great team. 5* for PiperHamlin who I've already "Favorited" for Hall Pass, and a promise to read Luedon.

Reading my stories is a somewhat different experience from reading those authored by PiperHamlin. He writes to entertain the reader.

Lue

Also stalling from writing my next story.

This story was my first submission, and I refer to it as the "little engine that could." When it first debuted, the ratings were under a 3. As time has gone on, it crossed the 3, and then did even more. You always remember your first. So for those that just discovered this one, my replies.

"Thanks for this change of pace story in LW. Well done. Is there more?"

Not for this couple, as far as I feel right now. I have a few other stories that I hope are different. You can check them out by clicking on my name.

"Believable characters. Intelligent dialogue. A touch of humor. Fun to read.Thanks *****"

And thank you for taking the time to comment.

"BTW: Pineapple Crush is an acquired taste that doesn't happen overnight."

I am trying to find this so I can experience it. Haven't been successful so far. Is there a brand name associated with the ones you drink?

"I've always enjoyed the journey more than the destination when touring on the bike. A lot of people don't get that. This story was more about the journey."

Yes it was. I'm surprised so many people thought it was about the ending or twist. The end justified the dialogue I loved writing. I'm glad you appreciated the part I appreciated. Journey indeed.

Entertaining and funny, thanks for sharing.

"I started with the idea of a wife telling her husband these fantasies, as though there was the peril of impending infidelity, and having dialogue where the husband was unconcerned about the possibility of it." - But WHY is he unconcerned? He SHOULD be concerned, if the story is to be taken seriously, even as a joke.

"But WHY is he unconcerned?"

He's unconcerned because he knows she's really not sincere about those fantasies, but just trying to bring the conversation from a new direction back to the previously discussed idea of adoption. He's aware of it immediately, because he knows she's still not let the idea go in her mind. He's been expecting the next attempt to bring him over to that idea.

Yes the battle is over but she is regrouping for a new assault where she reaches her objective.

does she want the affair, or the child that comes after it?

maybe both. idk.

Indeed she is.

Well, having just read all the comments to date:

I didn't have as much cognitive dissonance (sorry about that - the phrase has a history, and so down grading the language wasn't an option) with the dialog.

Why?

I can see my wife and I having that discussion... clearly she was trying to wind him up. And so, it was a "Thin Man" like thing - repartee, with a straight guy rather than a rapid exchange - and I was waiting for the shoe to drop. As was the guy in the story.

And why doesn't it work for many here? Because they come for adultery and blood, and teasing them with the idea without delivering makes them all crotchety.

Green-something

I know the writer has done a good job when I'm glad I read the story even though I didn't like the characters.

5 stars!

very funny and clever story, reminds me of HDK's. I wonder why some people didn't get it. Of course the wife did not want to have an affair. She was just putting pressure on her husband for the adoption, since cheating empty nester wives are a well known cliche of literotica (non sequitur my ass.. don't let me be an empty nester, you see what i m thinking about?) . He was cool because he knew that and he knew where she was going with the discussion.

You start out thinking that this is a wife that wants to take on a lover, but turns out to be something totally different. Very funny.

And I have tears in my eyes again from laughing at the dialogue.

The Piper has a new story coming up but it has been lost in the Literotica submission process. I did the check-read for his new one, and when I looked to see if it was posted yet I saw this on the list and remembered how good his first one was.

I hope the new one emerges sometime soon. It's different.

Lue

This story is my baby. You always remember your first. The response I got from this one encouraged me to continue writing and submitting. When this story first posted, the score was a 2.97. That wasn't the encouraging part.

What was encouraging were the comments and the emails. Some people really enjoyed reading this as much as I liked writing it. Over time, the rating has slowly risen. This makes me happy. It's like the child you want to succeed.

Full of wit and innuendo, loved it!

The story was great, the setup perfect, and the timing of the joke was spot on. In fact the only bad thing about it was that you had to explain it to those who have ... different expectations? ... and insist that you should have written it the way they wanted.

Keep true to yourself. You deserve it!

Good job, sir! 5* for the entertainment value alone, never mind the excellent writing.

Loved it, so nice to read something clever and out side of the norm. Well done :)

No

I'm just sitting her grinning. I read it a little earlier today, then came back just now and read it again. Still Grinning.

I think I liked it, but I was so confused through most of it, or all of it. So she is threatening to have an affair because she misses having children in the house? Cute. She is beyond lucky to have a patient husband who trusts her.

Nice one. You have a way of producing unexpected endings that is very clever. She wants to adopt not cheat. 5 stars

Really well written and I loved your take on the empty nest syndrome. I did get a little confused at the ending, per se. If she really wanted another child, why not reverse the vasectomy? Why not go back to school to get back up to speed on current coding (many in this profession do not even have degrees)?

And not about the exaggerated mechanics of sex.

Cheers.

"That one is unique.

I think I liked it, but I was so confused through most of it, or all of it. So she is threatening to have an affair because she misses having children in the house? Cute. She is beyond lucky to have a patient husband who trusts her."

She's not threatening to cheat. The husband is indeed patient. All her dialogue is meant to adopting a child.

Very well done. I didn't get it until very late, almost the bitter end. I almost would say this should have been in Humor & Satire, but I guess that alone could have given the surprise away, so LW is appropriate. Nice job!

A funny one. I liked it. Four stars.

Captcha

WTF? 2*

Your writing is great, this story wasn’t. I did like how he saw through her ruse, it just didn’t grab me.

I was enthralled until the ending. It doesn’t work. She doesn’t even sound like a female.

Hehe. Pretty funny. Seems most commenters didn't get the joke.

Multible reads for me.

I like to come back and read this story

now and again.

Always puts me in a good mood.

I think this is the most underrated story in LW.

Reminds me of the last dialogue

in the classic movie "As good as it gets".

Where the guy tells the girl

that it amazes him, that people around her

don't get that she's the most wonderful person on the planet.

But he gets it.

And that makes him feel good about himself.

I kinda feel the same way about this story.

Thanks again PiperHamlin.

Pretty funny. Covers the empty nest trope well with satire and sarcasm..

well written, thought out and presented. It had me frustrated with his reaction to her descriptive dialog thinking he was brain dead until the end..As a story I did not like.After a second reading I give the story 5 stars it deserves,even though I am not sure it qualifies as a story....JZK

This story is way underrated. I thought it was hilarious, and enjoyed it even more when paired with the “Diretor’s Cut” just published at: https://www.literotica.com/s/journey-of-a-literotica-writer-ch-02 5 ⭐️ from me.

Escaped a potential crises!

4