All Comments on 'Summer'

by Sass067

Sort by:
  • 2 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago

Very vanilla

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
Disappointing

I read it to the end but as the previous commenter said very vanilla. The plot was simplistic and rushed. You could have had an excellent story with the triangle between Nicloe, Ethan, and Liam. Tease the reader a bit before you get to the finale.

Your grammar needs work. "Her and Will are there waiting for us." should be "She and Will are ..." If in doubt, leave out the second part of the subject. "She is waiting for us." is obviously correct while "Her is waiting..." is obviously wrong.

You have many run on sentences. The sentences are written as one sentence but they are separate ideas. Commas do not link ideas. Semicolons (;) may be used to join two closely related ideas.

Your opening paragraph is well done. it is too bad the rest of the story is not up to the standard that began the story.

Anonymous
Our Comments Policy is available in the Lit FAQ
Post as:
Anonymous