All Comments on 'Ring of Merlin Pt. 01'

a little short

Mixed up names and too short

To short but gives a hint of what's to come. Hope to be able to read a much longer chapter soon.

Get an editor whose first language is English. It can be difficult to translate works into English and not have a series of sequential, individual sectences, that have little cohesive strength or pacing. The idea/purpose of each sectence HAS been successfully translated, but they feel very abrupt, almost aggressively so, at times. Written-English grammar can be a chore for everyone, and since you think/create your stories in a different language, there is nothing wrong with having someone else iron out wrinkles in the flow of your translated work. Additionally, please read stories submitted by other authors and figure out an average word-per-page count to use in your future chapters and stories. Readers will give bad ratings for submissions that are very short.

Who is doing what and where?

How did he go from university to Forrest to Jungle.... This reads like 3-4 different places and/or time periods with other problems.

This story reads like 2 entirely different time periods. Its starts with dad in modern times and the son some how gets teleported to a medieval village. And the story was to short at least 2 pages would be good. Please clean up the story line and continue. Looking forward to the next chapter.