All Comments on 'Cellular Memory'

1. I enjoyed your story.

2. Your vocabulary is expansive and fun.... For example: "The frenetic lust of late adolescence" So true. Though lust can be frenetic in mid and early adolescence as well.

3. And this leads me to my general comment. It has a couple of parts.

a. erotic fiction aims mostly for erotic responses. Some of your sentence structures get in the way of such immediacy; they force the reader to think rather than feel.

b. You tend to unnecessarily complicate some of your descriptions. Take for example your opening line. You write: "In the way that Paul Gauguin's paintings of Polynesia are sultry and sensuous, almost radiating a sexuality that emerges from the very landscape itself, I find sunbathing on a tropical beach a sultry and sensuous act in and of itself."

I might not be the sharpest reader, but the venue is Literotica, and I shouldn't have to read a sentence twice, particularly the opening one, to get its meaning.

How about slicing it into two or three shorter sentences to simplify and add pop? Sunbathing on a tropical beach - it's so sultry and sensuous. (Leave out the "in and of itself". No need to delve into the ontological status of beaches here.) The sun and sand and surf radiate a carnal energy; it reminds me of Gauguin's paintings of Polynesia. I love their captured sensuality."

c. You write: "The bathing suit covered topography of his cock under my hand was so entrancingly different from my own anatomy that I could not help but move my hand exploratorily." Again, let's break up this complicated sentence. "His cock felt entrancingly different from my pussy. I could not resist exploring its topography."

4. So I suggest you simplify sentence structure. If it gets too long, break it up. In general, and especially when writing erotic, a simple description is better than a complicated one.

5. I love intellectual elements/pov in erotica, but not when it gets in the way of the erotic itself.