Your plot is great but you went way to fast. All the detail makes the story and you jumped over all of it. A better background and build up to the sex with the feelings would make it so much better. A great beginning - keep it up - I will look forward to more from you.
Princess,,, your story was really sexxy... It got me hot reading it... I had to stroke a couple of times... I am looking for another story from you real soon
by
Anonymous02/06/05
keep writing
this is very hot butt to short
by
Anonymous02/06/05
Good Start
This is a good start. It seemed to move a little too fast. I think she would have thought about fucking her brother a little bit more. The striptease idea was good and now you can go from there. Maybe she can go on "dates" with her brother's friends for money and she can fuck them where he can watch. Or maybe he can pay the bills for the pleasure of fucking her. Just go a little slower and think more about the consequences.
Great first story! Keep writing and, for heaven's sake, post a pic of yourself!
xoxo
by
Anonymous02/07/05
Was it cut?
I agree with those who say that it was a great story, but lacking in details. Write again, soon, but read it through at least twice before you submit. Make us even hotter!
Lukas
Thanks for the story! Please slow down and take your time through the story. Paint the pictures with as many words as it takes! You need to have more detail.... especially when the sex is taking place. Please describe what each person is feeling and what exactly is going on sexually. (As I lined my cock up to my sisters wet slit, I rubbed it up and down while she moaned and whispered "fuck me big bro" "I need you" As I slid into her she moaned a long drawn out moan and gasped "yesssssssss" "fuck me" As I began to stroke in and out her delicious pussy the feeling was unbelievable the tightness, the taboo of it, god I loved the feeling! (you get the idea!)
Thanks for writing!
Sexmate
I found the story very hot. I really enjoyed your descriptions of what you were doing to yourself. Having seen a couple of your pics on one of the bulletin board posts, made it much hotter for me. You are one of the sexiest women around.
English
very hot
Great story, short but hot.
Good but too short
Your plot is great but you went way to fast. All the detail makes the story and you jumped over all of it. A better background and build up to the sex with the feelings would make it so much better. A great beginning - keep it up - I will look forward to more from you.
really sexy
Princess,,, your story was really sexxy... It got me hot reading it... I had to stroke a couple of times... I am looking for another story from you real soon
keep writing
this is very hot butt to short
Good Start
This is a good start. It seemed to move a little too fast. I think she would have thought about fucking her brother a little bit more. The striptease idea was good and now you can go from there. Maybe she can go on "dates" with her brother's friends for money and she can fuck them where he can watch. Or maybe he can pay the bills for the pleasure of fucking her. Just go a little slower and think more about the consequences.
great story
I wish i had a sister like that
Delicious
Great first story! Keep writing and, for heaven's sake, post a pic of yourself!
xoxo
Was it cut?
I agree with those who say that it was a great story, but lacking in details. Write again, soon, but read it through at least twice before you submit. Make us even hotter!
Lukas
EXCELLENT JOB FOR YOUR FIRST!
Thanks for the story! Please slow down and take your time through the story. Paint the pictures with as many words as it takes! You need to have more detail.... especially when the sex is taking place. Please describe what each person is feeling and what exactly is going on sexually. (As I lined my cock up to my sisters wet slit, I rubbed it up and down while she moaned and whispered "fuck me big bro" "I need you" As I slid into her she moaned a long drawn out moan and gasped "yesssssssss" "fuck me" As I began to stroke in and out her delicious pussy the feeling was unbelievable the tightness, the taboo of it, god I loved the feeling! (you get the idea!)
Thanks for writing!
Sexmate
fantastic
keep going, as you are, hot, wankingily so =)
Nice of u to take 4 minutes to write this
Why not write the story one paragraph at a time and REALLY drag it out? So sick of people wasting everyone's time with a one page story.
good but
good but only as a first read it just isn't good enough to bother reading second time barely worth it the first
excellent
a little quick and easy for first time incest, but still great.
Hot but one addition
That was really hot to read, the only thing I'd say that would make it hotter is if they got her pregnant with her brothers baby.
Sequel maybe?
Hot!
I found the story very hot. I really enjoyed your descriptions of what you were doing to yourself. Having seen a couple of your pics on one of the bulletin board posts, made it much hotter for me. You are one of the sexiest women around.
very nice
Very good story. Nice descriptives.
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