All Comments on 'Jill, Dan & Their Friend Larry Ch. 01'

It is a very good story, but the amount of mistakes in it (grammar, typo's, missing or unclear punctuation, missing or double words etc.) are really distracting. I recommend you re-read your stories (more carefully) before you submit them, or have someone else to do that. Without all the mistakes, you would have gotten a 5, not a 4, which seems a shame. But do keep writing, your a good writer!

LOL! What a "great" anniversary it will be for Dan!

This is a good introduction to future chapters...But the grammatical mistakes kept throwing me away from the story. I have enjoyed prior stories by you. Please proof-read or use spell check on your next submission. :)

a cheating couple who set out to destroy trust and friendship for the next 10 years until Dan finds out.

I have enjoyed your other stories for the most part; some are a bit over the top. However to have 2 people set up a chain of events to cheat and violate not only friendships but also marital vows goes way beyond even your other stories.

I also agree that you should spend more time rereading your stories or use some of the fine volunteer editors on this site to fix your grammatical errors. I don't let that upset me however it does make cause more concentration and head scratching to determine exactly what it is that you are trying to say, which in the end detracts from your story line.

Keep writing it keeps us entertained.

George

But why won't you spellcheck and have someone proofread???

It would get you more appreciation - your stories would flow better - are you ashamed to show them to someone else? There are editors here on site who can help you without you surrendering your independance. Grow.

Please consider - and again thanks for the change in theme.

Looks like this is going to be another great story from you.... And of couse no winps here

Looks like this is going to be another great story from you.... And of couse no winps here

if she dont like his fucking enough to stay at least honest with him and she has to sneak around on him already with his .... so called best friend ... with friends like that who needs enemies ... and why for heavens sake would she want to hurt dan like that to agree to marry him and fuck his best friend behind her back .. thats no good at ll sick ..shame on both of them

what the author failed to do was establish any viable reason that she would go ahead and marry Dan. It makes no sense. Did she simply do it to get ahead financially? Vague.

a friend would have fucked Jill and told Dan so he could dump her. Larry is just a flat mate at best. TK

Learn the English language or shut up. Your writing is pathetic. Did you graduate from Grade 3?

The story and your writing, that is.

MINUS 5*!!!

Larry is just a piece of shit and Dan has to be the biggest most clueless loser ever. Come on, Dan knows she is a slut and she makes it pretty obvious. No one to like in this mess. Not worth reading any further

his fiancee is a slut and his best friend is a back stabbing ass hole. expect divorce and justice in future chapters but have my doubts. Why get married ?

My Ex Friend stabbed me in the back the same way . He was also a Marine Sergeant . So Much for the Marine code of ethics . I got payback in college when I nailed his Girlfriend the Cheerleader . Then I joined Delta in the Sandbox and Loved My Buddies .

If you had that many girls and you still don't know how to use it, the problem is you. So Dan is a bit of a cunt. Sure Larry needs castrating, but that doesn't get Dan off the hook for being a useless selfish lover.