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English
use punctuation
good story...
ugh
total crap please never write again better yet become a suicide writer
Hot Story...But
You really need to proofread -- the story is full of grammatical and spelling errors. I also wonder if a 2nd, let alone 3rd, cum in such short order would be enough to make such a mess -- kind of inconsiderate to cum all over a married gal's face when she has to look presentable shortly thereafter lol.
Fantastic!
You have a deep understanding of the 'erotic'... And this story is a classic rendition of the zipless fuck... I loved it!
You can do better
The prose needs work as there are numerous grammatical errors and syntactic blunders. I want my smut literate, and this ain't.
Learn to write dialog from any standard text on English composition. It will help with the flow of the story.
Develop your characters. I realize this is supposed to be a stroke story. Fine. There's nothing wrong with that... except you can do more. What makes this encounter special or unique? Nothing in the story makes it so. Maybe he's a pussy hound and bangs married women all the time? Or, maybe he's been celibate since his first marriage ended because the divorce crippled him emotionally. In her, he sees something new, something desirable, something that makes him want to breed her even if she's unattainable. It's that perfect little something that she has that drives him wild.
As for her, why is her participation in this tryst any big deal? Maybe she's the neighborhood punchboard? Maybe she has sex with anything on two legs with a dick? On the other hand, maybe she's starved for attention because hubby's working a lot (and she doesn't know it but he's got a honey on the side). Maybe she's tired of rubbing herself raw with her toys. Maybe she wants the touch of a man, the feel of him as he takes her to searing orgasm after orgasm, pinned like a butterfly unable to do anything but give in to her desires and passions when she's with him. That's the stuff of erotica. Write stories that capture those vistas and feelings, and audiences will follow you anywhere.
Good luck.
Pronoun trouble
You get 5 stars from me because the story is hot. However, on at least two occasions, you leave the reader working to figure out who you are referring to: In the intro "An attractive coworker's wife lets her go to the seduction" who is attractive? the coworker? and what her does the coworkers wife let go to the seduction?
Later, "the presence of her hubby keeps her next to her" Where does her hubby's presence keep her? next to what her?
Yes, the answers are obvious on careful examination. The error, however, produces a speedbump in the readers enjoyment of the story making it more difficult to immerse oneself in experiencing your (very hot) tale.
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