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English
Interesting
Your poem was interesting. I didn't feel as though I gained any real insight into the characters, either the subject or the observer. It felt very abstract, and emotionally disconnected, to me. That isn't a critism, though, as those qualities are used to good effect.
Anyway, I think I'd need to read some other stuff of yours to have real insight into this work.
Great images
I love the opening line, and 'wearing pain like a halo' is also a great image. I think you may be relying a little too much on the images, however, and leaving out the story.
Is this about a specific incident? I expect I would enjoy it more if I knew more details.
I think this is a very strong start to a poem, though.
Flyguy
~
I like this poem because of its abstract images. I don't think you need a "story" at all to make your point here. The first and third stanzas are especially strong.
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