All Comments on 'A Conspiracy to Deceive'

You have written a very good story on this relationship. I think you have also shown that many shrinks are bad news. They too many times have their own agenda , that is not in the clients best interest. This shrink was doing everything he could to turn this marriage into a threesome. I wonder if he was going to be the other partner??? I have ,in my own life, seen more harm than good comes from talking to a shrink. Most of them think , in their heart of hearts, that they are better than the rest of us. This makes them in general very arrogent and condisending. It took my wife fifteen years to get over her cessions with the quack she used to go to. An it turns out that he had mistaken her problems from day one. So "Enovelist" thank you for this good piece of work. I can hardly wait for your next installment.

but i found this section a bit long, and dragging. i think you could have trimmed it by 1/2 for the same impact.

i tried to reread it skipping every other page, and it seemed to come out as well. ah, what do i know?

enovelist you really know how to weave an interesting tale. Both chapters were magnificent and I am waiting for more to come. Jack, Carol and Barry have taken on a life of their on. I love the way you cut away give the views of each of them of what they may be thing, acting or doing with his suggestion. If they are in doubt, he gives them advice or a book. Carol for her strength and coming back from her demons. Barry who is still trying to fight his demons of giving his wife a lover may have to give ground on this. Please feed us some more of your mind set put to words,

Chapter one was perhaps the best story I have read all year. This second story was Very long, Very Boring, and, Very Weak. I find it hard to believe the two are related. All the mumbo jumbo with the lame Doctor ended up being just a lot of unresolved bullshit.

Who knows what evil lurks in the minds of men.

I think that these stories are well conceived and very intriguing. I am anxious to read the next story.

Well written story, their was one point where it just seemed to stand still. the length of a story dose not bother me as long asit holds my interest, on this one I wanted to skip parts. All in all it is a great story and would make a good book or movie

but you have know common sense.

Seemed a little contrived and long-winded (yes I see the irony given this huge, meandering feedback). This story felt like you were working too hard for a reason to keep Barry and Carol together & couldnt really come up with a good one.

I know you got a good response to the first part of the story (from me as well) but that doesnt mean make it into a series. If you keep grasping at plots, the ongoing adventures of Barry & Carol are just going to get weaker & weaker as time goes on imo. Wrap up the story (or even leave it unresolved) and start another. Trying to extend a story well past its usefull lifespan is a trap many published authors get into & it never ends well. They eventually lose even their loyal readers so, when they finally stop milking an idea and publish something new, they have to start from scratch to build an audience again.

I would also like to vote against the couple becoming swingers or Barry developing a penchant for watching his wife get screwed etc. Given Barry's professed views up to this point, I doubt you can realistically write a total turnaround in his beliefs. I cant see how you can redefine their marriage now without Barry doing something totally out of character (not saying its impossible, just that I dont see how). People do change but not overnight and, given the stuff Barry is already dealing with, its doubtful he will allow himself to be led slowly if Carol or the Dr. tried going that route. Maybe his next wife can get him to try swapping but its doubtful he would stay with Carol if she tried to bring it up. In fact, its difficult to see why they are still together at all. Barry doesnt seem the sort to rationalize his way out of making tough choices.

Im not saying that I only like one man, one woman stories or anything like that either. Some of my favorite stories on this site involve couples in love both screwing anything they can get their hands on (with full knowledge of the other before it starts is the key for me). On the other hand, sometimes divorce is the only way to get a even semi-happy ending.

Please accept this as a constructive thought. My prior comment stated concerns and warnings have unfortunately come to pass. It is difficult for a author, particularly a new author, to resist "enlarging" a succesful well recieved first or subsequent effort. Also, see prior comment by Joe Avg for well stated content.

In order to do so, sometimes the author provided well understood characters suffer a change in thier already estabolished personalities or the storyline path changes.

Before reading this offering, I re-read the first one. There I again offered a comment that there was danger in continuance, if the original story path changes and well estabolished and accepted character personality changes occured. That author credibility would be negatively affected and that the story acceptance would suffer.

As a new author, this is part of the character building suffered through by all writters - the learning curve of misteaks. Accept the fact that you blew everyone away with your first work here (it was exceptional) but you set yourself up for a fall by riding the strong horse too long and that necessitated the changes noted above for the continuance you felt appropriate to ride some more. Changing horses (personalities) in mid stream confused and irritated us - took the edge off - the entertainment created initially fell way off as you stretched the story and the characters into another relm. Barry as a Master wasn't in character, hell his wimpy acceptance of her slut cunt actions and movie was difficult enough to stomach. The slut as a suddenly loving caring wife without interest in another stud wasn't in character. Thank god, you walked away from his accepting cuckolding or did you just for now??? Do it and spell disaster.

This fine effort can get worse and I fear it will - you need to get both hands on the keyboard while you deliberate storyline paths and character trait continuances. With your talent please don't write suck and fuck stories!! We have more than enough of them (nor the jaded sorid cuckolding tails).

Perhaps - just perhaps - this work should end here or close shortly with consistancy of prior direction. It doesn't need to be a happy ending - just end it before more damage is done!! Then start another effort with a fresh perspective. Please excuse the spelling but understand the selfish interest in your improvement - we need more great authors here - please don't disappoint as you have the talent! Thanks for your time, effort and abilities - Regards

The only thing I thought could be reduced was Jack's repeated thoughts and a little of Barry's reflections. The sessions, all that took place between them were pretty much needed for us to understand where the characters were going. Without them, the changes in characters don't make sense.

The game Jack is running on Barry is so difficult that it needs to be fully played out for it to be credible for Barry to believe at all.

As for his being a wimp, he has acted reasonably. If she is mentally ill, which he still believes is likely the case, how can he hold her responsible for the behavior? He may not wish to subject himself to it in the future but how different is it than if she turned up with MS? That would affect him as well as her into the rest of their future. Until he knows why she did it, as long as she doesn't repeat the behavior, he is just withholding his decision.

All in all I thought it was a good job of storytelling.

Hello everyone,

I have been told in the past "never explain yourself". So, I won't try to do that here.

But, I am intrigued with the variety of comments so far to Part II of the Barry and Carol story. Those comments are part of my learning process. Hopefully they will make a better writer out of me (if that’s possible).

I would like to give the readers a little better understanding of who Barry really is. This is from an email that I sent to one of my "colleagues".

"In many respects, Barry is the man that I would have liked to have been. He’s young, bright, initiative and very success orientated. He not a selfish person. He doesn’t try to get ahead in anything he does by "back-stabbing" his competition. He has a high moral code. And his "word" is his bond. He isn’t a cheater or a quitter.

"As I stated in the story (already), the one area that he has found failure, has been in his marriage. Since he is a person who hates to fail, his first thoughts are how to make his marriage succeed. Given the fact that he is also deeply in love with his wife, compounds his desire to "fix" his marriage and add it to his "success column".

The main "thread" that runs throughout the entire story is Carol’s PTR dysfunction. As with "all roads lead to Rome"....so do "all the underlining emotions and decisions lead to Carol’s PTR".

Enough " not explaining".

I hope that all of you will read the next section, Part III which I hope to submit to Literotica next week. There may be more understanding in that section of the story.

Please feel free to email me with any of your comments, criticisms or accolades. I will definitely answer all emails sent to me.

Regards,

Dwayne

enovelist@yahoo.com

nice...

but from reading it i defintely disagree with the doctor's diagnosis! i'm glad htey're going to someone else, i think Barry could definitely fullfill her on his own =) but i know that's the not story plot... lol, i'ts probably just cuz my tendancies are towards Dom/sub rather than loving wives =D ah well.

*HUGS*

goldeniangel

These were some of my thoughts as I read the story- much of it was good:

Looks like I was partly right about the Prof. I stated in my comments to the first story I thought he was up to soemthing but I thought he wanted sex.

I noticed that the writer included some of the things I and other readers commented do. I don’t if that was because we mentioned them or not but it was nice I was on the right track with some of my critiquing.

Nice touch with him thinking that if Les wasn’t in jail she would still be with him. I would think that would be a hard situation. To have your loving wife, who has proved her love through the years, say I won’t come home until Sir says I can. I’m glad you touched on it but at the same time it could have been discussed more.

Also a nice touch with married in sickness and health thoughts of Barry’s.

A criticism: Her saying Dear husband all the time. People don’t talk like that. I have heard married couples interact, I have seen it on TV and at movies. The gist of what she was saying was Okay, good even but not those words.

Another thing: Sex school? she doesn’t act like she has been to sex school. She just wants it fast and hard: in a few other positions maybe but it doesn’t take much to learn that. Of course later she did want it slower and gentle and they made love. or I assume she wanted it that way too. Its good she doesn’t need extreme sex all the time.

What makes the marriage better? marriage is more then sex. She needs to express her love to him and not just by saying it or saying Dear Husband. Maybe she could make love to him without thought to her pleasure. She would get something out of it of course but her main purpose would be to make him feel good. Or some sacrifice she would have to make to show her love.

It seemed like their first sex session was a manifestation of her condition but I wonder if she sucked him that way to please him or because it was a cock. It was good that she showed love toward him and some guilt.

Looks like she has her own demons to deal with, with thoughts about sexual highs and the possibility that she could slip back into that state. Going along with that I think it would have been better if she had sown more grief and guilt because of what she did. Didn’t have to be crying all the time but a couple thoughts here and there would have been good, or so I think.

Writer seems to have put forward some foreshadowing of things to come in next chapter and/or red herrings so that readers will wonder what comes next. That last isn’t a criticism since most writers do that.

One thing I noticed was that Carol now seemed to be somewhere in-between where she had been and the Fuck slut she became. She wanted just Barry and her marriage to him but at the same time she didn’t mind wearing sexy outfits in public nor when some stranger saw her panties.

I think Enovelist did good describing how Jack tried to manipulate them and the argument between Barry and Jack. Took some thinking. But Barry changed too fast. One minute he was going along with Jack and next he is saying Jack was playing with his mind. There was no sudden revelation of that. Other writers even pros sometimes leave something like that out but I think it goes better with it.

Another criticism. Enovelist never described what she was wearing. That was missing when she came back from the day spa and when she met him for dinner.

One wonders if one can believe anything Jack said. There could be something that could help her or she is not as extreme a case as he said. Or he could be such an egotism that he dismissed some other Doc’s ideas that could help. If Jack can get her to flip to the fuck slut state then back again could Barry get her to flop back if circumstances flipped her again. Or since part of her problem is her insecurities could finding something she could do help her to not flip. An ego boost of some type?

One last thing, now that Barry knows what the problem is would her having sex again with another guy really be the end of their marriage? Would it depend on if it was once or how she was manipulated?

TabooTeller

It seemed like one egotistical doctor's attempt at validating a theory that nobody else in his profession shared. He was even unethical in his attempts at validating his theories.

Did I read more into the story than was intended again? I understand the husband trying to support an ill wife but once the dr. was shown to be unethical and unsubstantiated in his justifications for the wife, I thought Barry would research & question his decision to overlook his wife's behaviour.

At the very least, he seems the type who would look for a second oponion or look up the illness on the internet (and finding nothing, he would naturally be suspicious). After his reason for attempting reconciliation is removed, we are left with only the views he has previously expressed & the the wife's actions.

Attempting to fix things is all well and good but real 'fixers' know that sometimes the most effective fix is to scrap it and start over. Harsh if I misunderstood the second part of the story & the wife is really ill. Necessary to maintain a reasonable storyline if Barry finds out he was been rationalizing to himself in his attempt to forgive what he has already declared to be unforgivable.

Jack is somewhat taking the back road to wife swaping under the guise of wife sharing. This takes many forms on the site. The husband don't mind sharing his as long a he get to watch. The other husbands hides out of sight while watch his wife getting fuck and then come in and get sloopy seconds. The only problem with getting a domimant lover as we have witness in other setting. That lover I think would have the power to tell the wife not to have any more sex with the husband while in her life, thus cutting him off. That has happen a few times when this problem has occurred

but why is there no mention of having/adopting a child? in the first story, one of the reason why the wife have low self-esteem is because she is unfulfilled as a mother.

from the first story, the conditon in w/c she cant have a baby in the regular way, can be corrected. so why not approach that too?

the wife is ready to have a baby. why not go through the process?

this chapter seems to be solely focusing on sex.

title says it all..

Typical psychoanalytical shit... Legalizing murder does not make it any less murder. Legitimizing adultery is not a cure for adultery.

I think Barry did the right thing all that jack was doing was trying to drive a wedge in Barrys marriage and inside i think he maybe the one that got Les started

pat

Atlanta,Ga

always thought that anyone who goes to a psychiatrist needs their head examining.

I came here because I did a search on polyamory. I read the Conspiracy to Commit and then came back here. You lost me as soon as Dr. Lee's agenda surfaced. It wasn't that you let the cat out of the bag too soon, it was the cat that was in the bag. No matter when it came out, I would leave at that point. Even if you discredited Dr. Lee and saved Barry and Carol's marriage in later chapters, I would still have to wade through all the stupid melodrama to get to that point.

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It would have been far simpler and more interesting for Barry to become Carol's Master. In no way is it a requirement for the Master/Mistress in a Dom/Sub relationship to be an evil, abusive bastard/bitch, even though many writers here seem to think that it is. Dom/Sub relationships should be the result of negotiation, not conquest or edict. Barry has been written as being a loving and caring individual yet having sufficient strength of will and character to be Carol's Master. While I believe in corporal punishment, I also believe that it should NEVER be delivered in anger or pleasure.

<P>

<I>-- srgeek --</I>

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Note, melodrama equals stupid melodrama

bullshit. commit adultery to cure adultery. bullshit, the doctor and this author is nuts.

with the outcome never decided, only more ideas and trials. TK U MLJ LV NV

I started skipping half way down page one. Too technical made it largely unreadable. I'm not an action junky but the indulgence in pysco-babble was a bridge too far. The first book was ok but I'm skipping the bulk of this and won't even bother with bk3.

Rec: get someone to read it before publishing, get feedback on readability.

Author needs to learn how to write more concisely and more simply. And, theme is still justification for a cheating woman.

Just another name for cheating. Obviously author is a disciple of this cult. And, yes, as noted by others..way too long.

RAAC lol when you have the author create a fictional mental disease as an excuse for the cheater and anytime the author puts in "male ego" almost always assured its RAAC

Wow. A long drawn out chapter to marginalize a mental raac defect.

I usually prefer long tales. But not dull tales and this was as matte as they come.

fag cuck shit.

Just more of the same drawn out horseshit. Please put us out of our misery and end this.

REALLY?????!!!!!! Barry becomes VP, then acting Pres. and he can't see how he's being manipulated????? PLEASE!!!!! Simply, he's an ass-wipe!

The "good doctor" is a conniving slime-ball interested ONLY in proving his theory, no matter what the cost to his "patients"! Ironically enough, Carol is is the only one here with any true character!

My personal opinion of the psychiatric profession is prejudiced by personal experience, but the twisted manipulations of Dr. Lee doesn't feel that unusual to me.

My spouse, suffering from depression (she was a victim of childhood sexual abuse), was advised by her psychiatrist that she should go out and have an affair in order to feel better about herself. She said his sessions were dominated by detailed questions about our sexual relationship and his conclusions on how she should get more experience outside of it. I would have to talk her down after each session for several hours in order to get her to the point where she would act naturally around me again.

After hearing about his insistence on her having an affair, I insisted she drop the quack and find another doctor. She did what I asked, changed doctors, finally got a prescription for an anti-depressant that worked for her and we are still together decades later. She never felt the need to get that outside experience, as far as I know.

OMG. I think I may have just written a plot outline for my first Literotica story. FML.

Not as good as the first dtory6

Time to go quack hunting. I'm not much caring for what you are doing with Barry, kind of making him a malleable weakling. Not the guy from the first story.

It's a shame that a psychiatric professional would risk someone's mental health to satisfy their own agenda. In the future, I hope the story plot leads to punishment for the wayward psychiatrist.