All Comments on 'A Surprising Change'

Was way to short. Needed much more action and a deeper description of characters

My voting was 4/5 bcs of mistress not master. Maybe in next part.... Smirk

this is a good start...when you took the time to introduce Jamal...I was hoping the story was going in his direction...maybe another chapter is forthcoming starring him...I hope...

This story was interesting to read, but I found it confusing, disorganized, and unbelievable. It seemed more like a first draft than a finished product. There was nothing leading up to the revelation about him being a sissy that even hinted at it beforehand. If it weren't for the category this one's in, that whole revelation would've been pretty much totally out-of-the-blue and unexpected.

Once Lisa came back and found him in the panties, she started spouting off this unexpected and unconvincing monologue about how she'd known he was a sissy all along, she did all this to trap him, and she's recording him right now. How could she possibly have known anything when the reader didn't even have a hint?! What tipped her off? Then you say she's *recording* him? Why? With what? How'd she get whatever she's recording him with in there?

Then, at the end, when Lisa admitted that she'd lied about the whole thing and she didn't really know, my only thought was, "Wow. How did he fall for such unconvincing lies? And how was *she* so stupid to think those lies would be convincing?" It made both characters seem basically like clueless and irrational idiots. Then I was perplexed by why on earth she would be *admitting* that she lied, even though he had clearly fallen for those lies hook-line-and-sinker. I think further revision might have made the story more convincing.

I recommend, for future stories, think more about the characters' motives, what information each character knows, and how each character knows it. I am not writing this comment to be mean. I'm just trying to give constructive criticism.

Hi, I read a lot on this site and I loved both of the stories you have going. I would definitely urge you to continue... with either or both! Wish you had more up now, because I don’t want to start reading something else and be disappointed in comparison. Actually I’m realizing that you kinda ruined a lot of other stories for me. I take it all back! I’m furious!