All Comments on 'Accidental Piss Lovers Ch. 02'

Chapter 1 sucked and you didn't get the hint????? Not incest and it still sucks.

1 star

IronCross55

if you don't like it don't read it. the story was good keep it going.

You got alot better flow in the second chapter... and I would gladly like to see where you are heading with the story.

The category is incest/ taboo... Pretty sure piss fits the taboo category....just saying

wow

what a great story

please tell us more

Loved the story, please more

Technically, 'piss' belongs in 'fetish', not Incest/Taboo.

Just sayin'. And just givin' it a single star - which is all anything I've even attempted to read, by this poor-excuse-for-an-author deserves!

Its a piss story if that bothers you don't read it

Very very very very good story. Ignore the idiot comments. This story is very good. The best part has to be when he explains to her that he liked when she pissed on him. The reaction is just so good and realistic. Looking forward to the next chapter

I really like the way this is unfolding, not only because of the pee, but howcreluctant the sister is. Can’t wait for more!

"Technically" the story is not "in" Incest/Taboo or any damn thing! It's a tag of something that is in the story. While it deserves both tags, it's the author's prerogative what tags they want people to be able to use to find their stories. Of course the author would benefit from both. I would say the readers would also benefit, but that would be assumptive.

If you want to critique something, complain about the damn thing being written in present tense. "I see". "I smell", "She grabs" works in recounting a dream or a fantasy as they invoke fantasy and visualization into the present as they are recounted, but if something has happened even in fiction, "I saw", "I smelled", and "She grabbed", states that it happened and respects the partition between past and present. This serves also to reinforce the sense that it is real and actually happened, which is one of the key elements that the fiction/fantasy reader is seeking. If the reader has more than their genitals for a brain, this will be the case. The mind can facilitate experiences and it can also get in the way. As a writer it's best to know how to encourage the prior and avoid the latter.

Recounting fantasy or even memory can be written in present text if it is established that this is what is happening I.E. the author is telling this to a third party like a lawyer, teacher, parent, officer, or friend.

Otherwise that story had great elements, description, and development that lured the reader and managed to make up for the constant awkward tense of the writing. I would recommend editing and changing most of the verbs to past tense. It's OK to occasionally slip into present tense in cases of an event where a character is stunned by a pivotal experience. This shift in the association to time reinforces that bewilderment, disorientation, and confusion. This should be restricted to pivotal elements that need to be elevated to indicate peak impact and have peak impact on the reader. Otherwise the author comes across like they are living in a daze having trouble relating to the world on a regular basis. While this is actually true for all of us regardless of badly we want to deny it, when writing, debating, teaching, pitching, or applying for a job, we want to invoke trust from our audience to keep them from turning away.

I feel as if I'm present.

Very erotic, but it would have been even better if there was no blackmail.