for your first submission. You should definitely continue.
by
Anonymous03/10/05
Opps! I'll do better....
*smiles* It was pointed out to me that I jump around from past to present tense a lot... I'm seeing that now and I'll make sure to be more careful with Ch. 2. THANKS! ~Peacefulwhisper
by
Anonymous03/10/05
I really like it!!!
The characters are very interesting. Overall, I think you are doing very well with this story. The most important factor, in my opinion, is engaging the reader in the story. You have definitely drawn me in. I look forward to the next chapter.
by
Anonymous03/10/05
REALLY LIKE IT!
Please don't wait too long for the next installment! I really like you're writing, it's right up my ally way!
by
Anonymous03/11/05
love it!
This is a GREAT story! I can't wait for more chapters... good job on your first story!
by
Anonymous03/11/05
Obey once, and she's opened the door
It's the usual gambit for a predatory Dom. Make a test of obedience, and if successful, leads into the next, and soon the victim obeys without resistance.
I love it! I can't wait to see what is next for the two of them....more please!!! *smiles*
by
Anonymous03/13/05
Terrific
Nicely done! You've certainly captured my attention. You've already made each character likeable; which makes me anxious to find out what's next. Please don't make us wait too long.
by
Anonymous03/13/05
More Please
I love the characters. Please write fast. I want to be with them dancing and whatever comes after.
You mentioned that you jump from past to present tense alot.
English grammar is my forte'. For me, a really good story becomes very hard to enjoy when it's full of bad grammar or spelling mistakes. I'll close what seems to be a pretty good story just because it is too hard to get through when the editing is done badly. Your story didn't affect me that way.
I even reread it just out of enjoyment.
You write well. The story flows just fine. You grab the reader's attention. Your characters seem real (or what we hope would be real).
Jumping from past to present, and even to future tense is how the human brain thinks (at least the active ones). Please don't get bogged down too much with concern over sentence tense. Think about letting an editor do that for you.
Can't wait for the next installment.
You've done a fine job of building up Noelle's character, the tension between her surface appearance and inner drives is making for a very sweet tension.
English
beautiful
i love it...continue and don't leave me in suspense too long
A great start...
for your first submission. You should definitely continue.
Opps! I'll do better....
*smiles* It was pointed out to me that I jump around from past to present tense a lot... I'm seeing that now and I'll make sure to be more careful with Ch. 2. THANKS! ~Peacefulwhisper
I really like it!!!
The characters are very interesting. Overall, I think you are doing very well with this story. The most important factor, in my opinion, is engaging the reader in the story. You have definitely drawn me in. I look forward to the next chapter.
REALLY LIKE IT!
Please don't wait too long for the next installment! I really like you're writing, it's right up my ally way!
love it!
This is a GREAT story! I can't wait for more chapters... good job on your first story!
Obey once, and she's opened the door
It's the usual gambit for a predatory Dom. Make a test of obedience, and if successful, leads into the next, and soon the victim obeys without resistance.
Love it
I love it! I can't wait to see what is next for the two of them....more please!!! *smiles*
Terrific
Nicely done! You've certainly captured my attention. You've already made each character likeable; which makes me anxious to find out what's next. Please don't make us wait too long.
More Please
I love the characters. Please write fast. I want to be with them dancing and whatever comes after.
This is going to be interesting, I can tell.
You mentioned that you jump from past to present tense alot.
English grammar is my forte'. For me, a really good story becomes very hard to enjoy when it's full of bad grammar or spelling mistakes. I'll close what seems to be a pretty good story just because it is too hard to get through when the editing is done badly. Your story didn't affect me that way.
I even reread it just out of enjoyment.
You write well. The story flows just fine. You grab the reader's attention. Your characters seem real (or what we hope would be real).
Jumping from past to present, and even to future tense is how the human brain thinks (at least the active ones). Please don't get bogged down too much with concern over sentence tense. Think about letting an editor do that for you.
Can't wait for the next installment.
Nice
You've done a fine job of building up Noelle's character, the tension between her surface appearance and inner drives is making for a very sweet tension.
Looking forward to seeing where you go with this.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Finding Mr. Wrong Ch. 01 or
More submissions by peacefulwhisper.