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Hot, but too fast
The idea of the story is hot, but it went too fast. Also, parts of it were physically unrealistic.... I don't expect these stories to be good grammatically or realistic, for the majority of people, emotionally. However, a small amount of physical realism is appreciated. Mostly it was the perpetual hard-ons that got me, especially since no drugs were mentioned.
silly
ok 14 inch cocks made it silly and unrealistic
haha
really the 14 inch cocks is what gave it away??
holy shit man that story was damn awesome! double fuck ftw!!!
i have never seen a story like this in my whole life! avesome i just NEED to tell this story to my friend! ill start writing it up for him right away!
Too fast, no passion, unrealistic
Gather some passion man! The girl just want a dpp and the action started. The gonzo movies has much better description than this. I am not watching porn, reading a description of that. So gather more information, make it slow and gather passion.
While reading, none wanna read supersonic fucking.
Boring
This read like someone's to-do list only about sex: it went fast, there was no transition between sexual positions (items), and sometimes descriptions were so shortened they mean next to nothing to anyone except the writer and/or required the reader to extrapolate despite being obscenely explicit. The 14 inch cocks wouldn't have bothered me, since erotica is generally fantasy, except she wasn't even specifically looking for monster cocks and ended up with two monsters the exact same size? What?
Yikes.
Drop the all-caps. It reads a little like a preteen's text messages.
And as the other comments asked, slow down. It looks like you had a character limit with how quickly you go. Slow down, add some more introduction, describe each character. Fast stories can be nice, but yours was too fast.
Caps was a turn off
But where you lost me was 14 inches on both of them.
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