by kngelol
Thanks for writing, but I find your stories disjointed and confusing. Maybe you are not natural at English, a second language? I hope you will read and absorb more of the culture of English writing, and that your story flow will improve. Best wishes!
Did you read this before posting? Did you hands someone else read it? I was uunsure whether hit were trying to write in some foreign or alien language or if you're not an English speaker. It was very confusing. If you are not an English speaker, you can find translation help, .a good editor can do it. If you're trying to be creative , it seriously didn't work,