Good story. You just ended to quick. Keep up the good work.
by
Anonymous03/15/05
Good But
would have been a lot more exciting if the couple had continued to fuck for years right under the noses of the orther's spouse.
Sex is always a lot more exciting if it's the adulterous kind. Maybe even a new arrival for Tess and with her not knowing who the father of the child is.
Now that would be excitement.
by
Anonymous03/15/05
Volunteer editors
This story would be good but for the glaring grammatical and punctuation errors. For example, the very first sentence is really two sentences separated by a misplaced comma. For future efforts, I would suggest that the author utilize one of the excellent volunteer editors available at this site. Grammar and punctuation do count.
great plot and story lines... edit edit edit! LOL :)
but awesome as always anyway!
this is a tough category!
kisses,
T
by
Anonymous03/15/05
Promising
Overall, a very promising work from an exciting writer. There are some grammar issues which I believe have been well addressed. My main disappointment was with Tess' inability to believe the man was interested in her. Women are simply not that dense, nor young men that subtle. She could have doubts about his sincerity, but it was obvious to all of us that he wanted her from the first meeting, and she should have noticed it too.
Don't sell your characters short.
Regards, ReverendKilljoy
by
Anonymous03/15/05
A Good Theme and Very Well Written
Sure some grammar / spelling to improve on but much more sensual than some you have written. The open theme helps the entertainment factor as well. No lying, cheating spouse or friend - no non-reality - just uncomplicated sensual fun with depth and substance.
Good show author and you will get better with more experience - patience - Thanks for your time, efforts and talent - Regards
This was an extremely erotic, well-written story, so why end it? Judging from the other comments, we'd all love to read more about these two! Please forget about that last paragraph and consider doing a sequel.
Makes me want to go out and find a younger man of my own to play with.
by
Anonymous06/18/05
This is an excellent story.
This was a fine example of the genre. The two characters are nice people doing great things to each other,with tender feelings and care. What else can anyone want? Eroticism is infinitely more than pure fucking. You have captured that elusive extra element.
Those who offer criticism on technical issues, notably grammar, are, themselves, probably not capable producing a narrative that is any way close to your style, that combines a wonderfully detailed eroticism with elements of pure fun.
by
Anonymous04/18/16
Damn...
This is the best story ever. Wonder if it is true...
English
Too quick
Good story. You just ended to quick. Keep up the good work.
Good But
would have been a lot more exciting if the couple had continued to fuck for years right under the noses of the orther's spouse.
Sex is always a lot more exciting if it's the adulterous kind. Maybe even a new arrival for Tess and with her not knowing who the father of the child is.
Now that would be excitement.
Volunteer editors
This story would be good but for the glaring grammatical and punctuation errors. For example, the very first sentence is really two sentences separated by a misplaced comma. For future efforts, I would suggest that the author utilize one of the excellent volunteer editors available at this site. Grammar and punctuation do count.
hard category
great plot and story lines... edit edit edit! LOL :)
but awesome as always anyway!
this is a tough category!
kisses,
T
Promising
Overall, a very promising work from an exciting writer. There are some grammar issues which I believe have been well addressed. My main disappointment was with Tess' inability to believe the man was interested in her. Women are simply not that dense, nor young men that subtle. She could have doubts about his sincerity, but it was obvious to all of us that he wanted her from the first meeting, and she should have noticed it too.
Don't sell your characters short.
Regards, ReverendKilljoy
A Good Theme and Very Well Written
Sure some grammar / spelling to improve on but much more sensual than some you have written. The open theme helps the entertainment factor as well. No lying, cheating spouse or friend - no non-reality - just uncomplicated sensual fun with depth and substance.
Good show author and you will get better with more experience - patience - Thanks for your time, efforts and talent - Regards
Good
Good story, however there are too many errors.
Whew!!!
I loved it...you know what you do to me...:)
I think you need to write a sequel...
Great story- why end it?
This was an extremely erotic, well-written story, so why end it? Judging from the other comments, we'd all love to read more about these two! Please forget about that last paragraph and consider doing a sequel.
Makes Me Yearn
Makes me want to go out and find a younger man of my own to play with.
This is an excellent story.
This was a fine example of the genre. The two characters are nice people doing great things to each other,with tender feelings and care. What else can anyone want? Eroticism is infinitely more than pure fucking. You have captured that elusive extra element.
Those who offer criticism on technical issues, notably grammar, are, themselves, probably not capable producing a narrative that is any way close to your style, that combines a wonderfully detailed eroticism with elements of pure fun.
Damn...
This is the best story ever. Wonder if it is true...
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