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English
fewer exclamation marks
i love the subject of the story, and wrting isn't too bad, but look for some word alternatives rather than repeating the same things again anda again, and you really need to cut down on overusing exclamation marks. "and then something happened! and then something else!" it makes everyone sound like they're high, including the narrator.
Yes!!!
Great! Great!! At last a good girl (and she loves it up the nose!). This tremendous and just what's been missing in recent years on literotica. Keep going!
wowee
the nose really is theeeeee place
Jennifer The Great
Well, Mr. Exclimation Point in a nerd. Great, great, great story, and exclaim all you want.
How does one do that?
"they began to kiss...graphically". How does one kiss graphically???
wow this is hot!
I hope when he takes her to the club she dress real sexy in a pleated mini skirt, black seamed nylons, garter belt, high heels and satin blouse, then the guys cum all over her face and clothes.
nylons
right, for all us leg/nylons/garter belt outrageous high heel fans..............c'mon dress the slut up! Great writing.thanks
Nice
This was a very new take on Literotica. I really loved this story. It made me hot.
--LA
Exciting!
Loved the Story! Unsure about Sperm Me! That's kind of unusual. Love the fact that she wants him to keep coming over and over but how much are in those balls? By far my favorite story of the series. Any thoughts on having Chris cum on Jennifer and a friend? Or how about her also enjoying a woman cumming on her face? Just a thought! Keep up the good work!
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