by simplycharlotte
It just can’t be worse than this garbage tale.
Gosh this story is so stupid pathetic nonsense wimp brainless.
Complete trash and waste of time.
1* for this crap.
Do you really expect anyone to believe your last line refers to your marriage or your honeymoon... Your and Brad's family and friends are so proud of you. Aren't you glad there is Facebook?
Elevator voice: "Divorce court floor"...So no need to continue this true (of course NOT) event...He doesn't need to divorce her...just ask for annulment...She even can stay and fuck all men in the resort...the stay was already paid...If she loved to be a cheap whore, why the need to marry? 1*
and you're wasting your time writing this shit? You must be independently dependent on some poor sucker, your mother?
and have a great day (I hope). This did bring a smile to my face.
Your story is entertaining, the idiots that are so critical of it don't even know what the category is about, they think it's about true love and monogamy or something. Husband should be told ASAP thuogh.
Husband needs to leave now and put miles between him and the whore
It makes no sense. And try to realize where you are. On a porn site. On the world wide web. No one believes a word coming out of your mouth and onto the pages. So telling us that this is a "true" story dos nothing for the story line and just makes us laugh at you. Drop the "true" story tag. And then come up with a better plot. If she's a total slut she STILL doesn't do something like this on her honeymoon. Was it amazing when her husband left her there, returned home and filed for an annulment? Even a deaf, dumb and blind man takes one look at her in the room, smells her and KNOWS she just got fucked. This story was poorly thought out, populated by disgusting, unlikable characters and so improbable that I had to laugh. Even for fiction this was ludicrous.
1 star
Fucking a stranger in the elevator and just married. Only sickos can enjoy this garbage.
but I am sure it is written by a dude with a cuck fetish. 1*
Great. Not buying the 'I'm a beginner' or true story bit. But that just makes it the literary equivalent of smut movies. Please, please don't have a pizza delivery boy in the next episode. That would be taking it too far. Really fun idea, expertly executed. Looking forward to loads more.
PS Did you put it in LW just to wind them up?
...with their weird sense of reality.
Seriously, its a porny, erotic story site. Stop looking for reality. Love in an elevator...who can argue with that?
I heard you all. First and last post. Thanks anyway i guess.
Don't be like that. I understand that it's a huge buzzkill, but it gets better. You jumped into the toughest category on the planet and took a bit of a beating. You learn and fix it. There are a number of categories here where this story would do just fine. If you just want to write sex stories, try Erotic Couplings, Group Sex, Fetish, or one of the more sex heavy categories. You will get a much better reception. Not in Loving Wives.
These readers are spoiled. They get a regular dose of near professional quality short stories with adult themes, and they have grown to expect that. They give even those writers a tough time if they make the smallest mistake. An elevator sex scene featuring a cheating wife just won't get you any props. I assume from the comments that was what this was. It will do just fine in another category.
If you want to write in Loving Wives and become a quality writer, you need an extended plot, or at least a dynamic flash plot. You need characters on both the likable and hated sides. You need conflict, insight into the characters and character development over the course of the story. A sex scene isn't what readers here, including me, are expecting. Find some of the OGs around here and ask them for advice. Read the HOF writers and see what sort of stories they write. Try again with a plot, or move to a different category. Don't just quit. All the best, Randi.
I picked this category because i thought it was for Hotwife/cuck stuff.
I'm really not a writer, so I'm not sure i can put the advice you gave me to good use. I have no idea how i would go about making liked or hated characters. That's the only reason I'm am giving it up.
The stories to follow would have more plot and character development. This was just where it all started soo.... Ya.
I really appreciate the advice. Maybe i will look for someone to help me write more. The only reason this one got published actually was because i found someone to help me edit it.
Thanks again though. Helped bring up
Ignore the demonstrative critics Charlotte. I really don't understand them.
They go to the Loving Wives section, expecting.....what? An affectionate tale of a husband and his wife, making love, (missionary style of course), with roses strewn on the bed and fnishing with them both declaring their undying love for each other. Downstairs, two smiling kids play happily in the garden and there's apple pie on the stove.........read a Mills and Boon novel if that's what you want.
It's not you, it's them.
Carry on writing and ignore them.
I'd like to know what happened after she got back in their hotel room.......
Although the category might be misleading, I came here by the story. After years of reading stories here, some (more) stories tend to land in the not best fitted category, but screw all haters.
Get a life! The whole page here is about escaping the real world and let the mind break out. I've read so much sick and great stuff and some stuff is hot and disgusting at the same time - fetish tendencies incoming ;)
However, I liked this story. It was plain and simple. Easy to read and good to imagine. Regardless of realisism, as long as the genitals are believable.
So, @simplycharlotte feel yourselve hugged and cheered to continue writing stories that come to your mind :) Looking forward to them.
best
Ben
It is, Charlotte, it is.
But, as Randi intimated in her comment, the LW commentariat has its own expectations of what a story should be and what the characters must do, and if they don't do as required, the comments will be scathing about both the story and the author.
Ignore them.
Write for yourself, not them.
There's no way you can satisfy all of them anyhow. There are several camps with very different expectations of what a LW story should be.
Randi's advice in her last paragraph is well worth consideration. There are competent authors here that you can learn from (including Randi herself).
Her comment "A sex scene isn't what readers here, including me, are expecting." is unfortunately true, considering that the name of the site is LitErotica.
So, if you wish to write erotic stories with wives actually enjoying 'extra-marital fun' as the category title suggests, write for yourself, not them.
Lue
Ok I'll take notes. I read alot of stories trying to learn how to word things. Next part will have much more plot that pt1.
This is good stuff. I like the feel of an amateur in lust telling her story. Hope to hear more. Keep it real.
This was no masterpiece, but it was very erotic and served the category well. You'll find the usual nimrods here whining and complaining about it because, *gasp* a married woman dared to have sex with someone other than her husband. Haha...they are just too ignorant to have actually read the description by Literotica stating that's what this category is all about. Please keep up the good work and let's see many more of these stories from you.
Great story. great effort. keep going. nobody on here is Hemingway. I loved it. I been reading on this site longer than anyone here. Stick to reality. Not some over the top humiliation piece. Looking forward to part 2.
Now given that most of the readers are guys, and most are regular guys without a cuck fetish, our innate response to this is not going to be positive.
Some of us write, and some of us have explored unconventional or taboo sexual practices and behaviors. We may possibly be more sympathetic and appreciative of your efforts even if we find the plot and protag off-putting.
Some will praise you blindly or hate you blindly no matter what
Randi gives good advice, and Lue good comfort. If you continue, and want more acceptance here, you need to work to get over the disconnect between the avowed intent for fidelity forever to a man she loves and respects, and the k"I was hit by a Martian slut Ray" behavior.
Honest admission, contrition, atonement can all make that more plausible.
But what you wrote is pretty hot on one level, you can keep it as a nasty wife story, and still have a good product,. It will just get a low score. Post elsewhere, better score but sometimes much less response. But sometimes that might be desireable :-)
Thanks for sharing and scoring and allowing comments
The story was fine, but why pretend it was true? No-one is going to believe you (well, certainly not me) and in any case how is it relevant?
Do you want to see how I stretch my little hole? I want to be stretched! Sorry, I think I'm a nymphomaniac.. Maybe we'll get acquainted? I'm here ( http://bit.ly/2vtGdQb )
I know of a handful of people who have cheated while on vacation with their families so anything could happen. Hot story, feel bad for your hubby though
or you fucked! Her comments are the worst in here! About the story: this isn't true for sure and is implausible. More like her secret dream. That's why I agree with @patillie's comment!
It's easy to see who is behind the authors and who isn't. Those who support you are not going to take cheap shots at you or your subject matter. They may critique aspects of the story or offer some encouragement, but they are never rude, crude or obnoxious. As you can see there are a couple of very pathetic little men who spend their days trying to feel better about their miserable lives by insulting anyone who doesn't share the same kinks as they do. (I suspect it might have something to do with sheep and dirty diapers, but that's their issue) this was a good start and you definitely are on your way. Please keep writing and submitting. I suggest you delete the really obnoxious comments and help make Literotica a fun place to come to.
As an experiment try writing the next part, or even your next story from the husband's point of view. Keep a similar plot but have the husband find out what she did, he then beats the mystery man to a pulp and slaps his wife around before kicking her into the street. He returns home to divorce her, leaving her penniless in the tropics where she becomes a whore in a back street brothel. Meanwhile he meets another woman who only does what she's told, cooks and cleans and treats him like the God he believes himself to be. Post it in "loving wives" and watch the "wonderful" comments roll in from "real men".....I'm just pointing out the type of reader you'll get posting in this category.
You received some good advice....if your looking to become a serious writer. But there's also a place for the short erotic vignette. Longer, more in depth works need characterization and emotions, plot twists, drama and suspense and much more, but there's nothing wrong with straight to the point jerk off material.
Keep writing, develop your own style. Write about things you know and emotions you feel, you'll pick up help and knowledgeable tips as you go. if you find a particular thing exciting or erotic be sure you won't be alone. Yes you'll receive negative feedback, but that'll happen no matter what you write, focus on the positive and pity the trolls.
As for your story; it did the job, got the juices flowing. A pretty basic plot but that's okay. You could have stopped when they first reached their floor leaving things hanging a bit: will she or won't she? It doesn't feel like a BTB tale so now you need to decide if she continues with or without her husband's knowledge and/or his participation. Or maybe you even have something different in mind?
Not too much wrong with the writing and easy to read, well paced and the action was well described.
Keep going and remember you'll never please everybody, but there'll be more for than against.
I'm definitely for.
Thanks.
Don't listen to the haters. Many on here love cheating wives & gf stories. Keep on
... it's just a story. Although one criticism is correct. This is a Cheating Wife story and not a Hot Wife story. A hot wife sleeps around with her husband's permission and cooperation.
That being said, very nice start. I really hope she gets a hungering for cock and cum and can't get enough. Would love it if a follow-up part includes a gang bang. All cheating wives need a good group fuck with several strangers!
And keep the husband oblivious.
That's good to know. I was unsure about the proper terminology.
Thanks for the advice and I'll put it to use in future 😁
This is a well written piece of erotic fiction (or maybe fact). Not all, but most Anon comments on here appear to be from mentally deranged individuals. So grow a thick skin very quick as even Shakespeare would get vile comments form the oxygen thieves that troll around here. It was a very good story and very well written. Please write more. Possibly the solution would be for Literotica to prevent anon comments.
nice story bro ignore the haters keep writing lots of us love this
.....the imagery. Some stories allow the reader to create that image in their mind's eye, one of the strengths of writing over video, as the reader can make any image they choose in the pallet of their mind; your story did that for me. Although I have to admit my mind's eye was in the stranger's fingertips as he slid them along your creamy slit!
Thanks Charlotte for a very sexy story. I enjoyed it and wish my wife would fuck a guy in the elevator and tell me all the juicy, orgasmic details.
The story was very well written, but your picture on your bio page, wow, BEAUTIFUL, thank you for your submission.
Hot wife equals whorewife . Why are people with opinions against cheating always haters or deranged per these cuck fans, or Lue. Charlotte kept his word and left LW mad, he/she won't be missed.
One of the best cheating stories on here. I really hope you come back and share so much more soon!
This is your story, True or Not, You are new to this and ALL the BULL SHIT that you will get from all these ASSHOLES. I gave you 5/5 because you are new and I want you to stay with it. You can't believe all the writers that have giving up because of the BS. Remember you don't have to ask for comments at all it is your call. Thank you and stay with it
What so many haters on here seem to think is that there is no world of brief wild fun sex.
Don’t get too caught up with prose advice. It was fun, risky and well presented.
Awesome sexy and slutty story just as I like it. Hope it continues with a lot more action
Super hot and erotic! I hope you are done with the next chapter and plan to upload in the near future.
Thanks again!
So so so so - sooooo slutty it almost made me cum my pants. Made my cock hard faster than my wife can and she’s hot.
Great start, I hope that if the story continues the husband remains oblivious