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A pity
You could have made so much more of an interesting concept. Your "finished" story reads like the outline for a real story. The characters do not come alive, nor is the background sufficiently real.
More! More!
This story reads like a great introduction. I hope you continue it.
Interesting
Your story is off to a good start. I truly enjoyed it. I think I would actually enjoy seeing how the plot progresses and if you could make Krug fall in love with Krie, it could put a whole entire twist to the story. Great job so far.
Ooooh, this is a good one!!!!!
You should develop this story more. It has many possibilities! It reads like a synopsis, I suggest you write more chapters, so you can develop the chatacters and life in that planet. It would be great!
Follow-Up
Just to let all of you waiting for the next part and all of you who seem to think this is a 'finished' story, that I'm currently working on it. And yes the characters and life on Mars itself will be delved into more deeply. I left the story as it is, as I haven't done a Sci-Fi one before and I wanted to see how the readers responded to it. Many thanks, Shez xx
PS, thanks to Ladyambar for taking an interest in all of my stories and giving my positive and constructive feedback. xx
Continue
The story was a little rough around the edges, with the grammar and all, and the continuous use of the same phrase.
Other than that I loved the idea behind it and would love even more for you to continue it.
It was awful
Your story was not interesting and you just freaking narrated it. Do the world a favor and stop writing.
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