All Comments on 'Dr May Reid's Reunion Dinner'

Love the path this is taking. I hope he eventually gets to fuck Sue as well. Please continue.

I would love to see the story evolve into a threesome with Paul, May and Sue. Further along possibly a foursome with Kay

It sounded really odd when they were talking in the car and he said, "I wouldn't hurt Sue for all the money in the world. She's done so much for me, etc." This certainly didn't seem like a young man talking about his mother. It sounded as if this paragraph had been lifted and pasted from a different story. It just didn't fit.

The other point is going from anal to vaginal is a sure way to get a painful infection which is not sexy in the slightest. It shows a complete lack of concern for the partner's health, again, not sexy. As a physician, I would expect her to be even more careful knowing the potential consequences, even if he was a clueless idiot.

I don't see too much need for improvement. I gave it Five Stars!

I found this hard to read both on a flowing and making sense level and a textual level. Some suggestions from a fellow writer and avid reader.

***people don't normally refer to their parent by their names except to introduce them.

*** Put peoples speech in " ". This separates out the narrative from the people actually speaking. Most people will appreciate this and it does make it easier to read.

Fuck I’ve finished writing this comment. I’ve not finished writing this comment as I still have more to say.

Did the above make sense? I don’t think so, however that is EXACTLY how you started your story except change comment for work.

Also how does a paragraph about getting your teeth cleaned and checked every single month have anything to do with this story? Let alone the very next sentence in the paragraph which is about working hard at Uni.

You need to plan your story out better, it’s impossible to read seamlessly as it jumps around to unrelated things and is full of oxymorons that bring you to a grinding halt while you reread bits so you can understand what happening.

What the fuck is a duty manager? Do you mean deputy manager? If you do then that would mean the character is not the overall manager but a manager when he is on shift and working.

1 Star due to shonky writing and paragraph structure but mainly due to disappointment as it sounded like a good story.

Ok just stop publishing on here please you just can’t write.

What the fuck is a twenty-five-year-old Anniversary reunion dinner? What you actually mean is a 25 year reunion dinner, the dinner is not old let alone 25 years old. Since the dinner hasn’t happened yet means the dinner is zero years old. The dinner is also not an anniversary as a anniversary celebrates something that has happened in a previous time. The event is a reunion and the reunion hasn’t happened so there is no anniversary of it. You could say 25 year anniversary of graduation dinner, but you said reunion and they don’t have anniversary graduation dinners any way and the word old isn’t used to describe either of them as well.

Also this story is set in America and the characters are American.... so the sentence that he thinks that Kay is at any time going to marry an AMERICAN that she met at Harvard, is a total clusterfuck of a sentence. Stating that she is going to marry specifically an American, when she is American, and she is in America, while attending an American school, where 98% of the students are American, is superfluous and draws attention to itself. When this happens the reader thinks “why is this so 8mportand to mention, is there something against marrying Americans in this story, are the characters not Americans after all, is this not set in America, but Harvard is in America isn’t it maybe I’ll google to make sure, fuck what’s with this story it’s so hard to read and make sense of. I’m still trying to make sense of that fucking anniversary reunion that’s aged 25years old yet it still hasn’t happened”

I thought it was a pretty good story, I am always weirded out when anal is the first act.

For someone who's been on the site for over 6 years and never written a story you should be ashamed of yourself. Put pen to paper and show us how it should be done.

Put up or shut up.

Jacks written so many with loads of follow's, you're in a minority of 1.

Keep writing Jack.

REgards

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Don't you know you shouldent go from ass fucking to cunt fucking without cleaning your cock. Shit is bad and it's the kadt stuff a lady wants in her cunt. Msybe yoh have never been with a woman given your fixation on arse fucking. Are you homosexual?