All Comments on 'Jasmine's in Trouble Ch. 06'

by jasminetanme

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  • 17 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Missed opportunity

Feels rushed and skips several of the plot points set up in the previous chapter!

Where is the humiliation of her finding out her new legal name?

What happened during the five day stay in hospital? How did this further damage her relationship with Owen?

I expected more happening to her during her hospital stay and further humiliations / forced body changes but it just reads like a missed chapter.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE

No, seriously. As in, impossible to suspend disbelief. It's too far out there to be enjoyable any more. And, some things would be impossible to achieve. Like:

#1 Nicolette couldn't sell Jasmine's car without her involvement. She didn't have the title.

and #2 The augmentation would not have happened. In this litigious crazy world we live in today, NO plastic surgeon would even consider touching a married woman without the husband attending the consultation, for fear of being sued into indentured servitude.

There's much more that's just begging to be critiqued, but I'm not a browbeater. However, one last point. It's been, what, 6 or 7 years since the "fake blonde" stunt? Grow up and get over it, already. Payback was achieved by chapter 2. Nicolette is into "padded cell" territory, now.

Michael

mrxdevinemrxdevineover 5 years ago
Very jarring

Your story is rewording of Terri Madison story Second Place, the reaons for the sudden jump is that jasminetanme doesnt have anything to reword and doesnt appear to the the skill to create an original chapter.

In Second Place the victim is forced to have breast implants (no name change so there is some attempt at originality) but this is aspect is not gone into in any detail in her story and lo and behold it get skipped here as well....

What are the odds that the next chapters from jasminetanme will feature a forced divorce / batchelor party / Christmas / pubic hair colour change / humiliating game of tennis / corporate games...

Link to OP story below:

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/stories/story.php?storyid=32

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
End of the road?

This Is becoming comedy..

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
I'm not sure which is worse

That you're still pushing this garbage out

Or that you're plagiarizing someone else.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Very Hot Work(out)

This chapter is well written. The chapter does a good job of focusing on one main theme of the continuing storyline. I liked the detail in the description of her gym experience. Overall the literary imaging is excellent. Now if she can just report to work as part of janitorial staff (as hired) instead of hanging out on the executive floor.

NOTE:

(This is an OpenlyJas inspired story; credit is given to the original author in the intro. (See Chapter 1)

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
This IS Original

This story is a reinterpretation of the writings by the author 'OpenlyJas'.

Permission was granted and credit was given by the author.

Similar comparisons to other writings are purely coincidental.

Its like a remake of a movie using a different script.

I look forward to the continuation of the story from the writer's original perspective.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Outstanding

Keep it up!

This story has a lot of good potential.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Hot!

I really don't get why the author is getting so much flak. I like the variations in narrative style across the chapters very much. In my opinion, the events, albeit unrealistic, are a huge turn on. The humiliation of the victim could be more drawn out, but I appreciate the variety of scenes that the story has got through over the past few chapters.

Honestly, if you don't like reading someone's works, the solution is simple - don't. Spend your time reading something you actually enjoy, rather than throwing accusations at the writer for lack of originality.

As one who actually appreciates the prose so far, I certainly hope for this story to continue, maybe with more discussion about the merger of the firms, which would allow the victim to meet her former colleagues as a cleaner.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Realism is necessary

I don't particularly care that there's plagiarism in there. Fifty Shades of Grey was a 150 Million copy juggernaut, and it was (almost entirely) a thinly veiled plagiarizing of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight. The best stories are almost always (at least partially) stolen. Plagiarism is rampant in music. Particularly Rap/Hip-hop.

Part of what makes a story entertaining, is that you can visualize what you're reading, actually happening. Otherwise, it's just a series of nebulous concepts that your brain keeps trying to rationally fit together, the whole time sounding an alarm, BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!

And that's not entertaining.

Michael

krnrobeykrnrobeyover 5 years ago
I'll keep reading, but...

why not draw out the humiliation of learning her new legal name? And btw, I think you could have done better in selecting that name. Either way, the turn on is from imagining her concern when learning about it.

I do appreciate your efforts, and hope you keep it up. While things are getting kind of far fetched, the concepts are fun at least.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Creatively Entertaining

Pushing the limits on reality is more entertaining than trying to make the story true to life. That's why it's called fiction. Today's most popular forms of entertainment are not created to be judged according to real world standards of believability.

Being creative is more important.

People need to look up the definition of plagiarism and stop taking everything so seriously.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
so hot...

This is among my very favorite stories on here. I look forward to each new addition. Thank you.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
A great story

I liked the work of OpenlyJas and I like how you have used her ideas and come up with your own story. Keep up the good work :-)

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Looking forward to the next chapter

Wow this is so sexy!! Please keep humiliating Jasmine!!

spankfunforspankfunforabout 4 years ago
Favorite!

ALL the exercise and skimpy outfits plus being continuly horny from all her sexual adventures is turning into Nicollette's Cumslut-Whore! Cool!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

Great pictorial description - I can literally imagine how Jasmine must have looked while travelling to the gym. Wish she would have been arrested for public indecency (walking in the mall almost naked, or masturbating shamelessly in the ladies, or being a cheating naked whore in the mens) though. Would have brought her so much humiliation to be dragged in by the cops in her slut outfit.

Anonymous
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I enjoy F/f stories with a focus on blackmail and non-consensual humiliation. I guess any /f, where the protagonist is methodically humiliated, turns me on. Public nudity is a definite yes. UPDATE (12/11): SlaveGirl926 will be continuing Jasmine’s in Trouble - check her out ...

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