by aquaglide1
Good luck.. not bad for a first story. Saw a couple of errors but .... not enough to take away from the story.
Decent start, love. A little rushed but a good storyline. You have potential. I'll be looking forward to seeing more of your writing. Luck in the contest! ~Minx
I agree with the other commenst. A good read by any standards and a very good read for a first effort. Keep up the good work.
Rumple
I liked your way of telling a story, but I would have appreciated a little more body. A very good first one, though.
Good luck.
Great job, Aqua! Not much of a story reader, after all, but I really liked this! Thanks!
Boo