All Comments on 'The Obsidian Blade'

Not great. Not very good, in fact. It is sad that so many people just want to pack something together quickly, and get it posted without it having been proofread.

Anonymous

You are correct...this one was dashed off somewhat quickly and I should have spent some time proofing it. I'll try to learn from this with my future contributions

First, congrats on your first foray into fiction writing. Even though this is based on a true story, you still needed to tap into your imagination to fill in the blanks.

Second, don’t fret about the editorial errors. This is a free porn story site. The readers who nitpick about editing are ridiculous.

Finally, I wanted to see more meat to this story and was surprised it ended so abruptly. Was the blade cursed? Did it turn him into a serial killer? What happened after the double murder? As it stands there isn’t much to the plot except: fiancée cheated and her fiancé killed her and her lover.

Keep writing. I look forward to your next one.

Pity you killed off Zach as well. It was a good short tale up to that point.

I'm glad I read this. However, you shouldn't have killed the three characters. Zach's discovery and departure would have been just as interesting, perhaps more so. Linda's perfidy could have been played out in another story leading to a college career of her own. Then perhaps they might've met say ten years later. Neither having married Linda tries to restore something she destroyed years before. As for the French lothario, I would let him go on and on until someone else, another angry man, finally did kill him.

I gave your story a five.

thanks for the read, carvohi