All Comments on 'Let Go'

by qhml1

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  • 836 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Hail to the king

This is what a LW story is supposed to be. Five stars.

kimi1990kimi1990over 5 years ago
This is the story I want to read.

All the drama, angst, pain, confrontation, remorse and, adorable girls. Yes! Bravo, sir, you have done it again.

RTR10RTR10over 5 years ago

Damn, that was good!! Although 38 isn’t considered very old to have a baby. 48, yes. But not 38. I have two sisters-in-law and about 20-25 friends who have had babies after 38. But story was awesome regardless!

WhackdoodleWhackdoodleover 5 years ago
He was resentful and the first opportunity he had, he sabotaged her career.

Within two pages, you devastated a woman who did what she thought was right, even if it wasn't and the revenge her husband exacted upon her outweighed her actions.

The only thing it showed was that he wanted his pound of flesh and given the opportunity, took it. If he was allowed to be resentful and justified in assassinating her career, then why wasn't she justified in her acting? Why wasn't she allowed to be hurt, and angry and bitter? Why was he the paragon of virtue in this story we all did was beat her at her own game?

Frankly, neither one of them were worth marrying or remaining married. Because he never once apologized. He never once accepted his responsibility or part in what should have been the dissolution of her career and their marriage.

She deserved better.

Bebop3Bebop3over 5 years ago
Utterly Selfish

You have no reason to care about my opinion, but I'm going to say the same thing to you that I said to Todd172. You can either be prolific or you can be exceedingly talented.

Choose one. You're making other writers look bad. You've got some damned nerve producing this quality of work so frequently. Sheesh.

Five stars, of course.

AutistAdventurerAutistAdventurerover 5 years ago
best of the CEO fires spouse stories thus far...

Good storytelling, not quite at 'Summer by the lake' level, but damned good! Thank you.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago

everyone keeps mentioning the Matt Moreau tale. Which one was it

agamemnon2262agamemnon2262over 5 years ago
Who wrote this story?

The writing style is significantly different than many of your other stories. I especially oriceran that in dozens of sentences, you would go from 1st person to 3rd person during dialogue. Just curious.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
humiliated woman?

No. That was a paint-by-numbers wrongful termination that was absolutely predictable in its outcome. The nonsense comes from the fact that upper management doesn't fire people, HR does and they do it solely to prevent lawsuits. A real CEO would know that, but this is Q's story and it needed the drama or we couldn't complain about it not being in romance.

That being said, it really belongs in romance.

stev2244stev2244over 5 years ago
Awesome story

I tried to write a "boss wife fires husband" story years ago and never submitted it. I'm glad I never did, because on Lit the genre is burned after this one.

cordialddcordialddover 5 years ago
tears for the last 4 pages...

Ok so it was just a little sweet. What a pleasant vacation from all the revenge offerings. Though there was a little gengesnce here also. Glad it posted to loving wives never would have caught it in romance. Thank you for sharing your Talent.

gmann57gmann57over 5 years ago

Thats a very entertaining story, It seems you just keep typing out excellent stories one after the other. Thank you

FirstwithUFirstwithUover 5 years ago
One of the best

This is an example of how good you are at storytelling. The best in this series so far IMHO.

There are a few minor quibbles on grammar and spelling but that doesn't detract much when the writing is this good.

You know you're making the " ledgent writer's " jealous right😃👍

Thank you

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Good story

Hi,

good story, but: the word ‘my’ was used in various places where it should have been ‘his’ or ‘her’. Also, ‘our’ was used where it should have been ‘their’. Sorry for being a perfectionist.

Todd172Todd172over 5 years ago
No less than amazing.

That is, of course, what we can always expect from qhm1. Nobody rights human interaction better.

Todd172Todd172over 5 years ago
Writes...

Rights. Not enough coffee yet. And it's too early for bourbon.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
This is a repost, right?

Because I know I've read this before. Not a bad thing, since this is hands down the best thing posted here in at least the last month, but it's definitely a repost.

Impo_64Impo_64over 5 years ago
When a story is excellent...

When a story is excellent, what can we say? Just: Thank you! 5*

dinkymacdinkymacover 5 years ago
Great story!

Thanks for sharing.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
"This one is edited, again by the smartest, lovliest ladies on Lit"

I haven't even finished the first page yet, but after that introductory remark, I had to stop reading to comment that this story is TERRIBLY edited. Examples of mistakes include "he" at the beginning of the third sentence (which obviously should have been capitalized), "You're" at the beginning of the second paragraph (the word is intended to show possession (i.e., "Your"); it should not be a contraction of "You" and "are"), and the missing word "her" in the sentence "It seemed to upset [her] that he didn't comment.". Next time please get a GOOD editor, instead of "lovely" ones.

enjayemenjayemover 5 years ago
Great yarn .. BUT

Did you you mess with it after it was edited? There are some POV and personal pronoun problems early on. Some clumsy sentences too. The tale is great but the telling is not up to your usual standard.

HarddaysknightHarddaysknightover 5 years ago
Q is at the top of his game and

at the top of LW. Cucksters and BtBers need to read this and learn. Q does not have to whine and complain about his score. Why is that? He wrote a good story! He didn't murder people and no cream pies were consumed. In place of those usual clever devices, he decided to use plot and characterization. Imagine that! Q rules Lit because of his talent. We are all in his debt for his generosity. Thanks, Q!

sbrooks103xsbrooks103xover 5 years ago
Five Stars

Read this on the other site, glad to be able to comment.

The one problem I had with both stories is the husband, a former top performer, being fired with not one meeting with his manager that his performance wasn't up to par, and given a chance to improve.

I realize that the plot required that we have hubby get fired by the wife, and I can suspend disbelief to get to that point, but both stories would have benefited by having husband being warned and blowing off the warnings. Would make wife much more sympathetic, less of a bitch.

MattblackUKMattblackUKover 5 years ago
Wow. What an emotional roller coaster of a ride!

I thought: "How in the heck could Q resolve this one?"

And then he did, in truly fantastic style!

There was skulduggery, a broken marriage, but then a resolve that really worked and tugged at the heartstrings.

Well done, a very good story.

TwentysevenTwentysevenover 5 years ago
"The Smartest Loveliest Ladies"

Are we back in the Fifties and no-one told me? I presume you mean some intelligent women edited this? And were they gagging as they did so?

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Editing

I think you need a new editor because who ever edited this story must have left school during low school. Some of the errors are glaring others just plain bad English. I think you should look for a new editor, honestly.

wilky1.

tazz317tazz317over 5 years ago
SOMETIMES THOSE CIRCLES EXHIBIT THEMSELVES AS DIFFERENT 360s

like Square, rectangles, trapezoid or PENTEGRAMS". TK U MLJ LV NV

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
"This one is edited, again by the smartest, lovliest ladies on Lit."

Considering how the editing turned out, that introduction may have unintentionally done more to disparage the skills of the women who contribute here more than the misogynists that troll the comments section.

Also, 5 stars. It's always nice to see a new story from on of the greats here.

GrimmerGrimmerover 5 years ago
4.8

Read this originally on SOL. Bloody good tale.

Keep them coming please.

sbrooks103xsbrooks103xover 5 years ago
Editing

As a writer, beta reader and sometime editor, I have to say that things slip through.I have a story that I have read through several times, and each time I find an error that I missed on a prior read.

Even the best editors here (and I am NOT including myself), are volunteering their time to assist others. They get no compensation except for the satisfaction of helping others.

Editing is NOT their job. They have REAL jobs, families, hobbies, and their own writing.

I'd be willing to bet that even professional editors occasionally miss things, though I would imagine they are few and far between or they would no longer be professional editors!

Maybe before casting stones you should try volunteering your editing skills rather than Monday morning quarterbacking. I say that as someone who did my share of that, so I mean no disrespect. Editing is hard, particularly with a good story, where I often find that I have read a page and was so into the story that I forgot to look for errors!

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Good tale, but the beginning borrowed heavily from Big Guy 33's story...

The beginning of this story is strikingly similar to Big Guy 33's story "You're fired," right down to use of Big Guy's best line.

From "You're Fired":

"Mr. Weston, you forgot this picture of your wife," Vic called to my back as I walked toward the door.

"No, I didn't," I responded without a look back.

From "Let Go":

"You forgot this, Mr. Waxman," he said, handing Dave the expensive pen and pencil set she had given him when he made Salesman Of The Year the first time. Dave looked at it for a second and dropped it in the wastebasket with her picture.

"No, I didn't"

Other than the beginning, an enjoyable original story. Finally, as others have pointed out, embarrassingly edited. --JRZ

blackrandl1958blackrandl1958over 5 years ago
What a wonderful story!

Q is pure talent and a wonder to read. How rare is it for one writer to own the HOF top spot in three different categories? That is how good this man is.

So far as editing goes, I am certainly responsible for all errors and willingly take the blame. My apologies for each and every mistake. Sometimes you hit a home run, sometimes you ground into a double-play.

@twentyseven: No, the ladies are just fine being referred to as "smart and lovely." The accuracy is dubious, so far as I am concerned, but the sentiment is both complimentary and pleasing to us. Those of us who know Q are aware of his sincerity and that he is a gentleman, in every sense of the word. Don't presume to be offended on our account.

Q, five stars from me, and thank you for sharing your wonderful talent. Randi.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago

Yeah, this is a great improvement on BG33's original, the fatal flaw of which was that it was clearly a description of the white-collar workplace by someone who has had a long and accomplished career of washing dishes in a restaurant kitchen.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Aside from the editing......

The funny thing is when I come here, I look for things that turn me on. This was well worth the time....I can tell friends I just read a great short story. paz.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
only so so .....

A good beginning. I thought it could go somewhere but instead it got stuck in a load of sticky , syrupy mush.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Editing

What editing? It jumps all over in tense and person. Big disappointment.

acupacupover 5 years ago
I thought I was in for another usual story

The first part was like many I have read here before.

But you took it in a totally different direction and it was very refreshing.

Is it totally realistic? Come on guys, this is a fantasy site.

Is it perfectly edited? I don't see anyone ponying up $17.99 for the hard cover edition. Hell I find typos in Tom Clancy novels!

I give it five stars if nothing else but for the original twist on a well duplicated story line.

ScorpioJJScorpioJJover 5 years ago
This worked

I was afraid it was just a retelling of BG33's story but it broke away and found it's own path. Nice story.

t8ntliklyt8ntliklyover 5 years ago
Re: editing

Blackrandl1958,

Don't be to hard on yourself, although the errors should have jumped out at you.

As a professional editor I will say that there really isn't an excuse. Slow down on the next edit and read it more carefully. Another good story from Q.

lance_spearmanlance_spearmanover 5 years ago
OK story, but I didn't like it too much

I didn't find much in the way of real emotional drama between Dave and Bev. Although nominally in the "wife ceo fires husband" category, it actually reminded me of "A Little Bit of Death" by Slirpuff.

BuzzCzarBuzzCzarover 5 years ago
Very Good Version

Interesting take on this subset of the genre. Nice storyline and interesting characters. Enough has been said about the lack of editing. Honestly, I missed a lot of that but tense and pronouns tend to jump out at me. I just read through it. Hell folks, I had a great story to read!

Love your work man.

chastenchastenover 5 years ago
Comme ci comme ça

You're on of my favorite authors but I have rather mixed reactions to this one.

On the positive side, I enjoyed the story generally. I liked the protagonist switching from someone who was willing to be a bit of a doormat to get along with an overly-driven wife into someone who stood up for himself; that worked. I liked the side story of Marsha and Ari; that worked really well. I especially liked Sal and Susan as characters.

On the down side: while I could ignore most of the editing mistakes, the switching from third person to first person within a single sentence was just too jarring. Everyone misses things but it happened too often here. I can only assume that you originally wrote it in first person and then changed it after the "final" proofread. It didn't ruin the story but it can't be a five star offering for me. A five star story needs to immerse you and not kick you out of it periodically with, "Huh?"

I also have the same problem with this story that I had with BigGuy33's story: it's just not plausible that a corporate officer...especially an extremely senior one (CEO or Divisional Manager)...would ever fire someone over performance without at least minimal due process. There are too many policies, mandatory compliance trainings, HR signatures required, legal officer oversight, etc. in the mix because every corporation of any size is afraid of exactly the consequences that happened in this story. The version of this tale that will eventually really work is one in which the author figures out how to get around this, not just ignores it.

GirlintheMoonGirlintheMoonover 5 years ago
Excellent story.

Great writing. You tell tales like no other. I’m sorry that the editing has interfered with readers’ enjoyment.

The editing mistakes are actually completely MINE and I take full responsibility. My apologies to the readers, and I am really sorry to both Randi and Q. We will fix and make it perfect.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Thank you!

Always a treat, reading your efforts.

DrizdartDrizdartover 5 years ago
Varied reactions

The beginning of the story is excellent, setting up the scenario with a clear conflict, interesting main characters, enough secondary characters to help clarify action, add dialogue, and be catalysts.

The development of the story is well done, with logical steps toward the reunion. Addition of an 18 year old and a 4 year old is a bit of stretch, but what the heck -- it's fantasy and they help show some complications in the reunion.

The last parts of the story (which I label as everything after the reunion and recognition of the need for counseling) was a mash-up of characters, random moments in their lives, unneeded resurrection of minor characters, and "happily ever after" moments that piled on gooey frosting. The low-light of it was visits to five countries (or was it seven?), deciding one was best, and buying a big house where they all could vacation. In a paragraph or two.

Overall, the time reading was fine and I gave it 5 starts -- but it isn't up to the usual levels of qhml1 or the named editors.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
WTF

9 pages! ! ! . You long winded .chop this shit down to 5 . I guess it was OK . I bored of it at page 4 .

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago

great story do some more like it

Dc5655Dc5655over 5 years ago
Wonderful story

The Loving Wives story told from the idea that the wife’s job was her lover. I loved it!

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago

I never fail to be amazed at the quality of your writing. Yes, there were editing mistakes, and GITM took full responsibility for them, kudos to her. Between the two of you, Lit has been graced with excellent stories, please keep up the good work.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Welcome back Q! 4 stars

I know that you wanted to write this as a wife fires husband story but the firing and his reaction prevents a plausible reconciliation. The marriage was on life support before she fires him without treating him like any other employee. She didn't think anything about him. She doesn't get it when he spirals downward because of her unfair actions. He kills any chance of reconciliation when he sues her and the company for wrongful termination and is determined to do it in a way that hurts her professionally and damages his former employer.

This could have been a five if they just separated because she was consumed with her work and he wanted someone who he could have kids with. Then your wonderful story would have been plausible when she saw her husband in his new environment with a ready made family. Their abuse of each other at the beginning of the story was too much.

Thank you for this and all of your other stories. Your fan,

reasonable man

etchiboyetchiboyover 5 years ago
Seems like we have another FTDS.

Excellent retelling / continuation of a LW classic.

Bravo. 5-stars

BigGuy33BigGuy33over 5 years ago
I bow to the master.

Always glad to see Q post a story, and he took his to a depth and distance much deeper than mine. Well done!

timrivtimrivover 5 years ago

39 and pregnant? Hell, why did she think she was to old? A lot of people have kids in their forties these days. She could have had a couple more. 😉 otherwise a good story if kinda overwritten.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
the purpose of marriage

is to share wealth and protection, to start a FAMILY.

the husband had every conceivable right to not only 'occasionally bring that up', but to terminate the marriage over it. she has in effect wasted years and years of both their lives. a marriage of just sex, as 'using him as a human dildo', is pretty pathetic by any metric. they became exclusive fuck-buddies.

nothing sounded too over-the-top. and there was some deep love there, so a RAAC worked, but barely. the idea that he needed to 'communicate more', or 'stand up to her more' is what i'd expect a shitty female-centric marriage counselor to say. that therapist is a hypocrite, i'm almost positive she'd consider her same speech 'victim blaming' if it was used on the wife. he communicated, he stood up, and he put up with her disregard out of love and abuse. he'd grown used to that shitty toxic lifestyle.

as far as i'm concerned he's a saint. he took her back, knowing full well she wasted her best baby making years, and their best love making years. hell, their best growing more in love together years. the only reason i give the wife a pass is because she never conflated her career to 'the other man'. she figured that out pretty quickly, and she almost physically cheated on him (despite how worthless her sexual market place value was becoming) but she did have a moment of clarity, and fought for their relationship.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Thanks for a good cry

First I want to thank you for an amazing story. I could relate to a lot of it personally. It’s easy to forget that two married people are equals and that attitude causes more pain and loss than many can imagine. The reality of feelings that we think we have as opposed to those we really have deep down can be a hard slap in the face. One lets their career take up so much importance that the person they loved is shoved into the back seat. That person lets it happen because they want to be proud of their loved one’s successes. But it CAN build up. They first believes THEY are the only one in the relationship that matters and the other gets sick of it.

For those that say that the two can’t possibly rediscover each other... you’re wrong. It can happen. Personal experience tells me that. Now we haven’t taken in the neighbor children, but as stated... adoption IS always there when ready.

I’m sorry. I’m not a good writer. I just wanted to tell you that I enjoyed your story. I enjoyed the way it ended. I enjoyed the good cry. And I enjoyed the hope that, to me, It shows exists.

Thank you.

KT

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Mistitled

The title of this steady steam of consciousness of a story should have been, "Keep Them in the Kitchen, Barefoot and Pregnant", which appears to be the author's attitude toward women. One of the most important rules of writing is to never write anything the reader will skip over. This story repeatedly violates that rule. Two stars.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
First or third person

Really confused by this, as it changes during sentences...

Benedict12Benedict12over 5 years ago
Continued Quality

There are echos of Boston to Birmingham as well as BigGuy’s charming story resonating as your read Q’s latest creation. Hey, Shakespeare

used secondary sources. Anything that encourages Q to continue posting his extraordinary work merits applause.There are only a precious few writers of his ability on this site.

dragonmann72dragonmann72over 5 years ago
I would like...

give it a five but can't. When you are the top dog everyone expects the best (yes I know this is a free site). We all make mistakes, but I have to believe that the renowned editors chose to look for not for mistakes but something else. Other than that like previously stated from page five on I had tears in my eyes (I still saw the errors) and loved the outcome.

It was nice to read a story where the cheated on spouse didn't have to compete with another man just a job. My biggest complaint would be how long it was. This could have been put into two or three chapters and been just as good but maybe better edited. Thanks for your time.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
An excellent story, but

I was surprised by all of the changes in person in sume sentences. You started too many sentences in third person--she or he--and finished in first person with I. That's not a mistake I'd expect an experienced writer like you to make. Other than that I thought it was great.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
The Master at his best!

With no offense to George and a lot of offense to MM, this is, by far, the best version of this theme. The cranky part of me wanted to see them divorce, Bev lose her job and Dave come out of it smelling like a rose. But this ending was much better and highly entertaining. It dealt with the firing, it's legality and the ensuing fallout in their marriage in a much more realistic manner then previous stories by other authors. Did I detect some input from Randi? It seems to me one of her recent stories ended with a couple "inheriting" some children and living happily ever after? Makes no difference. Great story. Entertaining to boot. Well played Sir. Well played!

5 stars

ToymandaveToymandaveover 5 years ago
Excellent story

I noticed that it seemed, too me, that you originally wrote it in multiple first person then decided to change it to third person. So many pronoun mistakes. Other than that, you have, once again, written a compelling story that I couldn't stop reading until I finished. Being an extremely slow reader I have to ask you stop that since I get nothing accomplished at times like this....lol.

Thank you for another 5 star story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Sorry gave up at page 4

Too many mistakes made it hard to read. Reading a mistake takes you out of the story. I was spending more out than in. Some examples.

"three burritos and a large fry" what, only one?

"The would up drinking way too much wine and when he kissed her..." WTF?

"Beverly was sure she could win the business back when when talked to Sal,"

"They insisted that Dave join them, and for ninety minutes he forgot my problems and admired what a true relationship was."

"how angry she got if he even tried to kiss her before they out to one function or another"

"if Dave wasn't wasn't running interference, Adler would have angered him enough to have already left."

"and he had feeling he could get a really good deal."

"If anyone wanted to maintain in her world, they had to look like twenty-five, yet have fifteen-years of experience."

"She was almost faint when they called her into the conference room."

As well as that you obviously decided to change tenses after it was written. The change is incomplete.

Man, please fire your editor, fix, and resubmit. You were near mistake free when you did it yourself. I normally love reading your (not you're) stories but this one was just too painful.

cabbage01132cabbage01132over 5 years ago
great story 5*

but didn't flow, too many mistakes changes of tense, he, she, our, her all mixed up.

i'm no writer or editor and have no keyboard skill but even i found many sentences that didn't make sense and other general mistakes.

for me it did spoil what would have been the best of 2 others i've read using this great plot.

great story though and thankyou for taking the time to entertain us.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Great story

Thanks

PiperHamlinPiperHamlinover 5 years ago
On editors

A relationship with a volunteer editor is something to be treasured. You don't "fire" a volunteer editor who has corrected more mistakes than the few missed. Or maybe that's just my perspective. I admittedly do feel a bit of guilt that my editor now has an Adderall addiction since I've submitted stories to her rife with errors.

I can also say from the same perspective, both editor and writer beat themselves up when a story is published with typos. My longest story is three Literotica pages, and a few errors slipped past both of us. This is a nine-page story.

Reader feedback on the issue is valid. It does take one out of the story. It takes me out of my own story. However comments like "your editor sux balls" don't actually help the process. Editing is behind the scenes and a thankless job, usually as much a labor of love as the writing.

It's hard enough to find someone to review your work for free, there's no need to personalize it. Calling out the mistakes is valid. Calling out editors is a bit counter-productive. True story, I'm made changes after my "final revision" has been edited and managed to include a few mistakes that were not reviewed.

As an author (I'm stretching the definition here for some I realize), I'm happy to have my errors pointed out. I appreciate that. However, blaming my editor is most likely to result me apologizing to her for overwhelming her with so much that she was bound to miss that.

Writers and editors are pretty co-dependent. You can't blame one without blaming the other. I realize after I typed that sentence, it looks like I threw everyone involved in this story under the bus.

#workonphrasing

On another note, I liked the story. The imperfections didn't lesson feeling like I'd read a good story on a Monday.

PiperHamlinPiperHamlinover 5 years ago
Once again, I am mortified at the errors in my comment

In a way though, I do think it supports my point.

FD45FD45over 5 years ago
There is never perfection in editing

I have read books, run through multiple competent professional editors, expensive computer programs and set by knowledgeable type setters.

And they forgot a 'y' on the end of 'they', or something similar. It is a Sisyphean task.

It was clunkier than normal, but I put that on the author and an editor too agog to have the courage to correct him.

That being said, I could have done without a WHOLE PAGE about a girl eating a G-D D--- Tomato Sandwich! (That is not the fault of the editor except in a lack of spine...but she's wordy too. Sigh)

(Okay, it only FELT like a full page)

If there was any quibble (for authors of QHML's quality, they are always quibbles and preferences, not actual corrections) it is that three full pages at least were on one single barbeque, where the ladies had to take numbers to control who was crying in the bathroom at any given time.

I would have preferred a touch more drama spread out over the entire story and not front loaded. The man in particular seemed overly lachrymose (prone to weeping more than Ari seeing 'frog baseball' for the first time).

While this satisfied, I still prefer 'An Unexpected Reaction" BECAUSE there were fits and starts to all the relationships. These 'Golden Paths' to family success, once they settle down into the rocket launch are...predictable.

QHML is too kind to his characters.

blackrandl1958blackrandl1958over 5 years ago
Train kept rolling

Some may not know any better, some obviously do and just choose to be assholes. So, for those who don't know, I shall explain. For the assholes, I Googled "gives a fuck." My name wasn't on the list.

The author, Q, in this case, writes a story. He sends it to his editors, Randi and Girlinthemoon, in this case. They discover that it has multiple first person narrators. Since this won't do, they ask the author to rewrite and he begins, but personal events intervene, so they undertake to change from first to third person. Since the story is nine Lit pages long (50 Word pages), they each agree to do half. Now, we have the original version, and the versions being worked on by each editor. They each do 25 Word pages, and send the completed versions to the other. There are now three versions, the original, and those created by each editor as they worked. Each goes over the edits of the other. There are now five versions. The final version is compiled by one editor, who sends it to the author.

In spite of the intimations of the assholes, the editors are not idiots, but both college graduates, with degrees in English, and long-time writers and editors on Literotica. In the shuffling of the versions, the wrong version was sent to the author, the original unedited version, instead of the finished version. That mistake has been rectified, but it takes 48 hours for an edited version to post. A mistake was made. We apologize. Come back in 48 hours and read the right version. Or, you can be an asshole.

jasonnhjasonnhover 5 years ago

The overall story was very good.

You really butchered the point of view, sometimes mixing pronouns from both in the same sentence. Sorry but that is NOT 5 star writing. I had to keep backing up and rereading to figure out who was speaking. Sometimes I still couldn't.

I really have a problem with a CEO who is as clueless as Bev is to start off the story. She is firing her husband a well liked guy and someone with an excellent sales record, until recently. She thinks she can treat that dispassionately? His last review was good. There is no paper trail of disciplinary action or corrective measures. She is about as unCEO like as one can be. While I get that she has become dismissive of her husband in general, if that extended to the running of the company, she wouldn't be CEO.

Then she gets smart. Instantly. About both her husband and her job. If she was that clueless about her job there is no chance she could turn on a dime to recover so quickly. She completely lacked situational awareness of the company she was supposed to be running. Even if she didn't listen to her husband, as CEO she should have been continually monitoring competition and business conditions.

The corporate people that came to talk with her were aware of the competitors. They should have been appalled at her lack of business knowledge more than the frankly minor issue of dumping her husband.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
This was a good story last month.

Correcting a few typos and plot issues (that should have be correct before it was first released) and re-releasing it isn't likely to improve your score. Are you going to re-edit again next month? You are a very talented writer but if you want to cultivate your readership your first story publication should always be your best. Just one mans opinion.

anonjerry

arrowglassarrowglassover 5 years ago
A winner for sure!

Well done!

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Nice story

There were errors, but I could still follow, and enjoyed the story for what it was. Thank you.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Not up to your usual standard

Too long, badly edited, and not very original. I am disappointed

SomeOneTwoThreeSomeOneTwoThreeover 5 years ago
Well done!

Powerplay inside marriages

is an interesting topic.

Goes well with LW stories,

even in extreme forms like here.

Reconciliation stories are

difficult to make believable,

in my opinion, unless readers

are RAAC fans.

The parentless girls make this story

the most believable reconciliation

story I've read!

But without the girls, I'd have

asked Bev kindly to go fly a kite :).

The editing is terrible.

But not troubling

to a "normal" reader ;).

Well done qhml1!

To me, one of your best work.

Top ratings from me.

NewnotsureNewnotsureover 5 years ago
Nice

First time reading your stories yes it had a few mistakes but really like this one thanks I guess I need to read more of your stories

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Excellent

Yest here were errors, but not enough to make me lose interest. I really enjoyed the story from beginning to end and when Ari and Marsha got involved, it took it to the top because I love children. Thanks for the story.......

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Good Job

Now and then,one needs a feel good story.

digger907digger907over 5 years ago
goodone

couldn't happen better in a real world

IrfonIrfonover 5 years ago
Great story.

You can easily slip the genders around to fit a man as Bev - it seems to be more common than not.

Well written story ( as per usual qhml1 ) lump-in-the-throat-time, more than once...!!

Schwanze1Schwanze1over 5 years ago
Oh HELL yes!

Now that's a story.

BruceWoBruceWoover 5 years ago
It’s easy being a critic. Much harder being a writer.

A difficult topic.

Well done.

Ignore the critics.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Excellent

Not a BtB, and not a Rec At all Costs. Well written and genuinely beautiful. I wish i had had a family of my own but things happen sometimes.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Nice story! Thanks for sharing it with us.

But I don't remember your previous stories having so many errors. It does break the flow of the story when I have to stop and figure out who "I" is, or what the missing word should have been.

patilliepatillieover 5 years ago
didnt grab me emotionally

Not up to the “Q” expectation level,. Nothing wrong just didn't emgage my interest at a high level. Oh well

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Very enjoyable

I really enjoyed this story. Well done

calgarycamperscalgarycampersover 5 years ago
I like this.

Your take on this plot is very nice. Great job.

Storm113Storm113over 5 years ago
Good, really good!!!

5* of course. Outstanding story!

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Wow

Omg

You can certainly craft a tale.

You are a storyteller.

You that's high praise.

johnadpjohnadpover 5 years ago
Very Similar To Another Story On Lit

She wasn't a boss, but was a hard charging very ambitious attorney that made a lot more than her laid back professor husband. They loved each other, but couldn't live together because of the personality difference. Until he ran into two early adolescent (I believe) homeless girls. They end up adopting them and that brought the couple together because they fell in love with the kids. The children's part and the effect on the couple were very similar. The couple were similar in that she was a very ambitious go getter; while he was intelligent and capable, was much more laid back. Sorry I forget the name, but it was as touching as this story because of the two little girls in that one that badly needed good loving parents.

At first I thought this story was going to go into the area where she unreasonably needs to pull back from her ambition where if the gender roles were reversed HE wouldn't have had to. However, his request from her were not unreasonable, no matter the genders involved.

Another insight from this is that men who read this who are workaholics, or who put their business or work at the top of the totem poll, can get a more immediate and personal perspective how that affects their mate. The gender reversal may make them realize feeling abandoned or neglected is a reasonable universal emotional outcome and not one exclusive to a woman needing an unreasonable level of attention or time.

Laoshi_SuzeeLaoshi_Suzeeover 5 years ago
Great story but ........

It got a little confusing the way you changed from me to her or me to him so could not gather who was telling the tale some times.

But other than that it was a really great story. and the first that long I ever read

Wilky1Wilky1over 5 years ago
Editor

I mentioned in another comment about your editor needs to understand English better. I continued reading after my comment and the tense kept getting further and further entangled. Your editor needs to understand that when writing in the present tense to stay there. Aside from that a great story as it is getting harder to come up with new ideas.

26thNC26thNCover 5 years ago
Damn that was good

Guess I read the edited version, because I didn't notice any problems . But I read as a fan, not as someone grading a writing exercise. Qhml1 wrote an amazing story. From start to at least the party, I wasn't sure where it was going. After meeting Marsha and Ari it kind of wrote itself. I loved BigGuy 's version also, but this one was more emotional for me. As a former soldier, and an ER nurse, I am practised at hiding emotion, but this brought out the softie in me. Glad no one is in my rehab room late at night. So grateful for this story, and those by todd172, JimBob, Randl, WDMC, and several others. They make it worthwhile to pan the muddy waters of LW daily, looking for the rare nugget. Thank you.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Wrong category

Fits Romance

njlaurennjlaurenover 5 years ago
Pretty darn good q story

Randi explained about the editing and that happens with professional editors, wrong galley proofs got used, timeline editing doesn't get changed in all places, it happens, sometimes a character refers to an event that happens later in the book, and the tale is told going forward.

I liked the story and that the real cheating was with the job,that is believable. Would she be able to fire him like that,without hr and warnings? Technically, yes, in at will states you can be fired without cause, but in practical reality courts and juries find for wrongful termination all the time so she would have been in violation of HR policy. This would be really true with spouses where one is the boss or bosses boss, just too much drama there not to do it by the book. Bob would have been in for a world of hurt, if the company was a public company his antics in going to the other firm, and basically lying about his company like that, could bring the wrath of regulators on him,including charges of fraud and collusion (even if the other company reported it back he would be liable). Not necessarily realistic, but it could happen.

I liked it that the couple got their humanity back, she gained perspective that her focus on the business not only destroyed her marriage but the business itself because she thought her husband was an unambitious person rather than a sharp cookie who didn't want to play the game of rising to the top, her focus made her lose perspective and not ask the right questions. He basically gave up finally,losing his job was only the last part of it. The ending is cute, though not so sure the whole travel the world part really added much.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Didn't expect that

Was tugging my dick ready to explode on my screen when I decided to read this. Endearing story! Three thumbs up. Soft now, but I'll work it out like Dave the Champ did.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Men Good. Women Bad!

This reads pretty damned sexist towards women.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
why LOVING WIVES?

actually why literotica???

OmniferisOmniferisover 5 years ago
5*'s

The story was good, but I'm with others. This should have been put in non erotic or romance sections.

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