Your story was so sexy and hot! It was great, the images you created were fabulous. I was still distracted by your switching cases. That took away from your story a little.
by
Anonymous09/26/06
Good....but....
The story had great potential...but you jumped all over the place from "I", to "slave", to "Marie". You said at one point "...their guest..." and in the same sentence used "I". Then you refered to the guest as him (when Sir said to him to "take his place"....then it was suddenly female... Also, if you tell the story in first person, as a slave, then you need to remember it is "i", "marie", "slave". Only Sir is capitalized. You lose credibility of having knowledge of the lifestyle when you make such errors.
The story is good. You are very creative, and have an imaginative way of telling it. Decide on what person to tell the story in...and proof read it to be sure it stays fluid.
English
One Day
One day I'll tell you who it is that's been sharing you with me. I guarantee it will be a shock and a suprise when she is revealed..............
hot!!!!
nothing better than your Master sharing you ... and it making him harder than ever!!!
Incredibly Hot!
Your story was so sexy and hot! It was great, the images you created were fabulous. I was still distracted by your switching cases. That took away from your story a little.
Good....but....
The story had great potential...but you jumped all over the place from "I", to "slave", to "Marie". You said at one point "...their guest..." and in the same sentence used "I". Then you refered to the guest as him (when Sir said to him to "take his place"....then it was suddenly female... Also, if you tell the story in first person, as a slave, then you need to remember it is "i", "marie", "slave". Only Sir is capitalized. You lose credibility of having knowledge of the lifestyle when you make such errors.
The story is good. You are very creative, and have an imaginative way of telling it. Decide on what person to tell the story in...and proof read it to be sure it stays fluid.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to A Hot Bed of Activity or
More submissions by athena_by_night.