I really liked this story. I love hearing about the Greek Gods and what many of the heroes of that time were really like rather than the usually dumming down and Schwartzanagering up. The only thing it was missing was a better and longer love scene. All that build up it was roughly 2 or 3 small paragraphs.
History & Mythology is replete with stories of seduction and eroticism. But they dont go far enough, or perhaps are not in modern English, using modern idioms and phrases. Your work is a great step in that direction. Perhaps you should do all the classics... and that one sizzling erotica piece which would have made the original work more complete, more wholesome.
Started out well... then went somewhat flaccid when it came to the lovemaking. Essentially, it sounds as if it were writ by a virgin.
Why not research some better vocabulary? Try to get a little creative with your imagery. Creative pronouns always help.
Work harder, love. You'll get it.
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