All Comments on 'Forbidden'

Excellent start!!! Can’t wait to read more!!

So torture is ok; but adultery or even trying to fuck his wife is evil?

That’s not borderline psychopathy, that’s just being hypocritical. Killing a child, good. Fucking one, bad.

Your “hero” raped a woman, tortured her husband and LOVED it. How he feels about sex offenders, considering he is one, is irrelevant. Remember, and this is important, he is no better than the kiddie rapists he claims to hate. He is a soldier, how many kids did he kill? If the man had a daughter who was 17 or 16 or 12 or even 6, would he have raped her to get him to confess? Or would he have tortured a child to get what he wanted?

I don’t expect Faust on this site; but I won’t settle for bullshit.

What the first commenter seems to forget is that the very first paragraph depicts the main character as evil. I shake my head at people that shit all over other people’s fantasies. Whether these anonymous commenters are other writers or not, I don’t know. But until you start putting stuff out, which is your fantasy, don’t start shitting over people that have displayed courage in putting their fantasies on “paper” for others to enjoy. Keep writing, I for one enjoyed your story and took it for a what it is. A fantasy.

Constructive criticism - The only ill thing I can say of your writing is that you constantly switch perspectives, sometimes in the same paragraph. Choose whether you are speaking as Job relating his experiences or as a narrator gradually informing an audience of Job and his life.

That being said, you have a writing style that hasn't been present on this site for quite a while. I hope you continue the series, because I'm earenstly looking forward to chapter 5.

Now I'm off to rate 5 stars on your other chapters. ;)

Well I translated the story to arabic & posted it to several places, with a few clever edits to potray it as soldiers bragging. It was well received & more importantly believed. Loved it. Lit has been a gold mine for motivational templates. Lol.