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English
Execute some more like these two chapters!
Sir, obey the command in the subject, :-) Please!
I like true love, and as it is about giving, after the loss the remaining partner must find someone else to give to.
Thankfully, I haven't been in that predicament.
THX
John
more please
More chapter like the last two please
Free proofreading
The first couple of paragraphs are key to establishing a short story. In the first one you used "new" when you should have written "knew". In the second paragraph you used "here" for "hear". I stopped reading there because if you are that inattentive with what you write, it doesn't interest me. Did you know Literotica offers free proofreading? You should take advantage of it.
flashback vs moving on
in the beginning of this chapter you talk about life and moving on......but then goes on to 90% flashback chapter.
it was a nice flashback, but i was let down, i kept expecting a segue to the present and him considering how to start over.
distracted me.
Authors Response...
I welcome your comments, and I acknowledge the typos in the story, for that I have to apologise, I did use a proof reader, but these were obviously missed. As you hopefully will see I have taken time to get the storyline correct, so it is frustrating to have made basic errors.
With regard the second flashback scene, to me it is integral to how the character is developing, I wanted the reader to understand how happy he and Jane were. Also, you need to understand the complete loss the he felt. In life we don't close one door and never remember the past. From Chapter three it moves on to his new start and you begin to see him recover. I hope this explains my writing process more clearly.
Kind Regards
Executive Gent
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