Camping Ch. 06

C6

We waited long for this. What an imagination! So different! Thank you.
Lukas

Fucked.

Chapters 1 & 2 were excellent. Then you utterly fucked this story up. I didn't mind the sci-fi stuff, and I certainly don't mind twists and turns in the plot.

But when the you showed no clear reason for anything that went on between... fuck, why bother?

Look, just plan your fucking stories a little better and take note of continuity.

Point the reader in the direction you want. Explain what is going on clearly. You can do this subtly, without being obvious.

The way you wrote this pissed me off, because it held such promise at the start. Try again, and don't quit your day job. -Yet.

Good stuff

I have to admit when it frist started I figured it was going to be a story like any other, which turned out to be correct. Then once ch.3 came about it took a bit of a twist that I found interesting. Then you summed it all up with something I dought anyone saw comming. I am impressed, you held my attention all the way through. Enjoyed reading it and would deffinatly enjoy reading more of your work.

Acid Trip?

What's with the possesion? This story belongs in the freaky category. The wrinting is pitiful, but I won't even open that can of worms.

Wrong story, wrong place

No doubt you can write, but why write a horror story ? It isn't even erotic horror or even erotic for that matter. The brother/killer looked like a villain straight out of a Dean Koontz novel.

Don't do this again. One is not here to get depressed by reading the story.

This is what I call fiction!

A breath of fressh thinking. I realy liked it, all
of it. PERFECTION!

Wow

Great imagination. The writing was a bit stilted, but the gist of the story had greatness.
As to the naysayers, what good story doesn't have twists and turns. The unexpected is what made this story different.

good story

but a weird ending i must say i wrote something like thatbefore but mine ended quite defferently Good story though

fitting end

as early in your story you showed him as something of a brute the ending is good

I liked the story to bad he turned out the way he did, he got his just rewards, the overall story was great though.

why was he not in jail for violating the r.o. more than 2x should be enuff for his ass to be in prison so you kinda blew the story with that. plus the rapes by her parents and then being kind of thrown to the side for a new piece of ass

A little too fantastic for me...

But thank you for your effort. It was just not my type of story.

I think his punishment was just.

I hope that he is still in pain and still wandering. An excellent ending.

Sick Bastard!

You need help!! You took a story line that featured young love between siblings, then turn it to something very evil........... Please don't try writing again.

Too Weird

First two chapters were really good. Your storytelling talent is wonderful. The chapter with the parents a little strange. The last couple of chapters are downright WEIRD and, in my mind, ruined the overall story........