All Comments on 'Halloween in the Cemetery'

Just wow

Wow Chloe...there is no end to your devious mind! Well done and excellent lead up to the climax of the evening...or was it two? Great story.

Snoopy

I gave it 1* because this was completely awful in all areas. Congrats. Your's is my first 1* ever on lit.

The story kept me hooked, flowed smoothly, and it was one hell of a climax.

With a few minor exceptions, like your continuous use of "coz", which is not a word in any language I know of, this was superb. Of course it got a bit repetitions with asking Ted if he wanted it, etc., but this was magnificent!

Nooooo, it's not. Don't tell wowsers. You said that last time, Xander. Back to your basement, you naughty little Troll.

Your usual strong prose and a great story. Definitely horror and a neat plot. Great job.

Thank you. *****

Your stories just get better and better! Clean up the spelling- it distracts and detracts from your craft.

Chloe, that's so hot! 🔥. Tee Hee.

I do so enjoy the way you write your sex scenes, Chloe -- the pacing, the way you engage all the senses, the singular feminine perspective (which I've often found enlightening and educational). They never fail to achieve the, well, desired effect.

Some of your word use I occasionally find redundant, but it's quite obvious that you are eager to post and get a story out there and don't necessarily give it as many editorial passes as it deserves -- an impulse I can sympathize with, surely. I think someone else looking this over and marking up some of the more redundant phrases and cleaning up the typographical errors, homonyms or syntax problems might have helped assuage my personal and admittedly pedantic appraisal.

I was waiting for something either supernatural to explain away the more implausible elements (particularly the logistics and results of burying someone under a bonfire and then setting it alight -- at the very least the ball gag would've burned and melted soon enough for the bypassers to have heard his dying screams) or have it all turn out to have been a daydream or something, but it's an erotic revenge horror fantasy, and works well for all that.

Again, pardon my overly pedantic comments and accept them as the constructive criticisms for which they are intended. I truly do enjoy your work tremendously and look forward to new stories from you with anticipation.

this is in no way a halloween story. Sorry, try again putting an old story to work rather that a legitimate contest creation. Shame on you!

Chloe,

The Caretaker is going to have a real surprise the morning after when he sees the ashes on the grave and then cleans it up. The melting ball would stop the loud screams but the twitching bon fire logs is really scary. Good one girl

Kaikane.

JLF

Reads a lot better than many of the pieces on this site. Plenty of atmosphere and none of the tedious '40DD, big butt' etc descriptor drivel that characterises many male authors work.

My only criticism is that it is not neccessarily a Halloween piece except by virtue of the costumes. It is however a good erotic horror short.

You never cease to amaze me Chloe

I still pop in every now and then and always enjoy what you write

Hey Chole, this is the first story of yours that I've read. I loved the way you wrote it, so calmly and with a firm grasp on where your story was going. And the spelling and grammar seemed to be in place which makes for a damn fine read. The sex part was awesome, not a lot of screaming and cursing and carrying on like almost all of the stories on Literotica.

And I love the picture of you, very delicate and sweet.

I'll be reading more of your work before the night is over!

Thanks for writing a good story "for me."

Ted

Unquestionably an epic tale, Making Halloween Great Again. Creepy, seasonal, classic venue, classic costuming, no words wasted describing Mikey's attire, or her physicality, dealing with fear of death, the revenge from the grave for Julie, the powerful emotion of sexuality overcoming fear of the uncertain, the unknown, coming to realization and fear of the inevitable outcome, was this a prank? Would he be released? Oh, yeah, he was getting what he came for, but had he lost control here? Chloe, it was another great story, delivered directly without any extraneous overwriting or prolonged ejaculation. Definitely 5* material. Thanks much more than that!!

I could almost believe this happened and this story is just a telling of an experience. Well written indeed.

Makes me wonder if the girl moved on and had a better life. That means this was a good story.

That was scary good!

You're not a wannabe writer, you're a writer. A good writer. Thought I'd fix that for you.

I normally only award a 5 for stories to which I got off. But this story was just so well written, entrancing and gripping that it deserves a top rating, even though I hurt so much for poor Ted I didn't even get a hard on.

Scary lady. Her therapist may have missed a couple of things. A five for sure because it was absolutely gripping.

Wow! I was hanging on every word in suspense, from the first first attention getting paragraph and all the way to the end. This was so, so good! Your grammar and sentence mechanics need work, but the plot was good enough that it should be a movie. Well done!

Good story like all of your revenge tales. I enjoyed the fact that we were left guessing whether Jessica is her real name.

Merciless anger. IDK why, but seriously, I'm reminded of Poe's 'Cask of Amontillado'. Are you a Poe Fan? Do you have more like this in you?

[27.07.22]

Top shelf writing!

11/10 Ball Gags!!!!!

This story and the Halloween story before it is some of your best writing yet.

Having made it to the end, I can safely call this one of the worst pieces of writing I’ve ever read.

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Your work was actually recommended to me by a friend of mine, so I came into this with a little positive bias and great expectations. I thought your hook in the beginning was effective, but a torrent of errors made themselves known almost immediately. Your writing style is simplistic and rudimentary, which damages the flow.

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Then things started to break down to an almost farcical degree. Your use of “coz” in your narration was hopeless, and there were so many spelling mistakes that it was hard to keep track of them. I’ve never seen a piece of this length with so many mistakes. Meanwhile, “the old big old mausoleum at the far end of the cemetery” - “Someone or someone's had done a great job with the decorations.” – those examples are dripping with sloppiness. Additionally, you demonstrated one of the worst cases of bloating in your sentences that I’ve seen. So many sections are plagued with “and”, followed by extra details tacked-on which just became irritating. All things considered, the writing here is a mess. You don’t just need an editor to review the piece, you need to have a concrete discussion with them about how to improve.

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Furthermore, I consider your use of children in this piece to be in breach of the website’s Terms of Service. When you wrote “I'd been thirteen back then and I'd been so jealous of those panties and bra.” – “"Seven and a half inches," he said, rather proudly, which was kind of funny given he was securely handcuffed. It was big alright. Long and thick and I'd seen him use it on Julie back when I was thirteen.” – You’ve clearly described a minor watching two adults having sex, and portrayed the child as being impressed by the woman’s lingerie. I don’t know what you’re trying to prove by inserting details like this, but I consider it to be completely unacceptable.

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To round things off, the entire scenario is completely lacking in realism, planning or thought. If the main female character had been found catatonic in the wake of Julie’s death, when she was a child, she wouldn’t be sent to live with relatives after only 48 hours. She’d be a candidate for residency within an in-patient facility and would likely be a patient there for a considerable period of time. Especially considering she lost all memory of the events of her sister’s murder for four years. Make it make sense. On top of that, your attempt at adding to the heat through your use of psychological torture was excruciating. The little heat you managed to build was obliterated by the constant references to the girl’s murdered sister, while no attempt was made to explain why Julie’s sister would want an extended sex session with the man who murdered Julie. It was stupid.

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In my reviews, I always pay consideration to an author’s potential in case I wish to revisit them in the future. However, I’m absolutely stunned to see the success you’ve enjoyed on this website. I’m sure you’re a lovely person and I don’t know you, but based solely on what you’ve presented in this piece, I don’t think you’ve got a crumb of talent.

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4/100. ⭐

So freaky good. Thank you.

Another story I've read that I just got a notification that it was published. Bizzare.

Opening “returning home” scene perfect - set stage; could feel/anticipate coming horror. Blend of erotic and revenge well done in this piece. So, must say, the lengthy negative comment by Stachnash seemed shrill; bit pontificating — just saying, to each her/his own. More importantly, am curious — same piece posted some years ago. Why repost? Hey, your prerogative; not complaining. Maybe I missed something. You know I enjoy your wild/crazy/thought provoking writing.

Another odd instance of receiving a new notification for a story that is years old.

Why repost / new notification for a story that is years old..... long story, but someone complained about underage in the original content (justified I might add - there was a reference to the protagonist as a young girl) and Literotica took it down. Pretty petty complaint but whatever, I fixed it and resubmitted. Glad you re-enjoyed it though.

Dude totally deserved it. Great story!

I apologize in advance for any remaining mistakes in this review. I have been through it a number of times now and I have an early day tomorrow. I have strong feelings about this story and want to see it submitted.

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I found the story well written, but snuff porn, seriously? I'm extremely disappointed. Apparently you have written other tales of revenge here, but this is the first one I have run across

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As far as I can see, the basic storyline here is a condensed retelling of Edgar Allan Poe's “The Cask of Amontillado", but without an eye to the destruction of the individual who chooses the path of revenge. This tale is made more "compelling" perhaps, by the surviving sister's righteous and legitimate anger over Julie's particularly gruesome rape and torture, but it fails in the end to examine the character of the surviving sister and how vengence destroys it.

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The unfortunate fact remains that the act of raping the rapist, and attempting to serve the cause of justice as a vigilante reduces the surviving sister to the monster on whom she seeks to take vengeance. At least near the end of Poe's short story, Montresor admits to a feeling of a sickness of heart, although he dismisses it as a reaction to the dampness of the catacombs. In this case, there there is no introspection. as to what the main character has become.

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I am certain that you are familiar with the quote:

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“Before You Embark On A Journey Of Revenge, Dig Two Graves”

— Confucius

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I mention it here because whether intended or not, you have penned a tail of the destruction of both sisters. In the end Ted has destroyed not one, but two twins as the surviving sister coldly and methodically reenact his his gruesome crimes. If he is truly the monster he appears to be, a man caoable of torturing to death a woman who loved him, he may well take comfort, during his helish end, in the fact that, in the end, he managed to destroy both twins.

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Make no mistake, i find rape to be a brutal obscenity and I have held too many sobbing friends, a d acquaintances in my arms after they have been raped; in some cases by a man who claimed to love and respect them. What I find problematic here is how rape to drive a tale of revenge without introspection. You short-change the reader by using the horror of rape and torture to distract from the the corrosive nature of the act of revenge on the one who seeks it. No matter how righteous the motivation, it destroys the one who seeks it.

First time reading this- excellent combination of genres!

Oh my goodness, I'm flattered - "the basic storyline here is a condensed retelling of Edgar Allan Poe's “The Cask of Amontillado", but without an eye to the destruction of the individual who chooses the path of revenge. " Sadly, I have nor read anything by Poe, so any similarity is totally coincidental, but I'm surely going to read “The Cask of Amontillado" now. I'm afraid I didn't really see vengeance destroying the remaining sister, so much as being very satisfying for her, ensuring her sister had her revenge. But yes, the consequences would have been something to explore. Ah well, in another story perhaps....

"Oh my goodness, I'm flattered - "the basic storyline here is a condensed retelling of Edgar Allan Poe's “The Cask of Amontillado", but without an eye to the destruction of the individual who chooses the path of revenge."

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No actually. Apparently I spent too much time on what the tale might have been. If that is left aside, my basic point was that this tail of revenge has been written many times before and in more worthy fashion. Your story was a rather condensed version of the tale with little originality to recommend it. The purpose of the "shocking rape" that is at the center of the tale appears designed to justify the concept of "suspension of morality and humanity" for the purpose of vengeance (an eye for an eye) as a substitute for justice. In this the tale fails and becomes a rather sterile parable with, perhaps. a lesson as old as Confucius himself.

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The tale becomes a depiction of the surviving sister reenacting the original rape and murder of her twin in all of its horror and obscenity. The deep and fulfilling enjoyment, she derrives from this act appears to closely parallel Ted's since much of it is not associated with her desire for vengeance. In the end, one is left to ponder what differentiates the two crimes; what differentiates either individual from a sick, rabid animal. Hence Confucius' observation recorded so long ago.

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This leads to my conclusion that if Ted is truly the killing monster the tale depicts, he may well take solace, as he meets his rather grizzly end, in the fact that he has destroyed both twins rather than just the one that loved him.

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The only character then that evokes sympathy is Julie. Her dying wish, as the tail unfolds, was to protect her twin sister from the mindless violence and insanity represented by Ted. The result is that of the tale seems to almost inadvertently chronicle how the frailties and flaws in the surviving sister conspire to rob Julie of even this small victory. In the end, it renders Julie's ultimate sacrifice meaningless. In spite of being silent even at the cost of her own life, her beloved sister was ultimately destroyed by Ted.

A tale too unfocused and not certain as to its purpose. Perhaps simply a savage tale of vengeance that looks to satisfy the savage beast in each of us while hiding from us the complexities of our choices. In this latter regard it seems a fitting tale for our generation.

I saw the review for this on another site and didn't think this could possibly be that bad. I've read it myself now and I don't really know what to think about it. There are obviously a lot of mistakes, but I'm not really bothered about that. I don't know why she'd want to fuck the guy that did that to her sister though, that's kind of fucked up and weird. I think you wrote this a while ago, so as long as you don't make the same mistakes in your newer stuff then it's no big deal, I suppose. But this isn't a great advert for your newer stuff as it's got a lot of problems. I think you need to be careful with stuff like this as if people see this story, I think it's the kind of thing that will cost you readers in the long run. I don't know. Maybe, maybe not.

Love a good revenge story but was surprised by her being so sexual in her acts prior to the cook off.