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English
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some good ideas here
done nicely
good ending
Beneath the surface...
...the glamour stops.
Some good ideas stomping away in this parade!
Great Work
Really enjoyed this poem,
some lovely wording,
I loved
Beyond the painted smile
and tissue paper surface.
So much said with just a
few words.
Loved it!
Thanks.
~ J
good words
Can't help wondering:
The men that look at me like meat.
Could be tightened by dropping "that."
~Syn
Ouch!
sometimes its just impossible not to stare
I once went to the tulip festival in Holland Michigan and there was a parade and I'm sure they had a tulip princess which I don't remember but you know I did see this babe standing on the corner -- just kidding sort of
good job describing the crowd at a parade - I liked the cotton candy fingers - clowns - glare over the princes - some really nice images
I am saddened, however, by your disdain for the crowd
witty woven words
I enjoyed the way this poem flowed, the unveiling like a curtain drawn back slowly revealing the subject
Very good...
marching procession of images.
meat........that is........
also a colossal effect......often times what is underneath the skin often doesn't carry any weight. also, the title says it all. very nice........don
I missed the parade!!!
I don't know how I missed this one, but I'm glad I followed the crowd and got to read it now. This was a wonderful poem, Sabina. My favorite line among favorite lines was,
"If they only knew what lurks beneath this skin". Sure gave MY skin goose bumps when I read it!
~~
Oh, she's an explosive one ~
not so quiet
not so innocent
just touch her and you'll see
what fun her parade brings.............
the sensory
Cues in this are timed to perfection, a confident knowing as you waltz through life exuding a radiance that men admire and the dancing below the surface of darker thoughts and deeds. Damn fine writing.
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