I can see how it's a bit confusing. Maybe you should show the difference a bit better between who is telling the story, but as for the storyline, it was fab!! thanks!!
by
Anonymous05/24/05
very inteesting
Each part of the story needs to be clarified as to who wrote it. I think if would make more sense. Great story line. Check the weather it goes from rain to hot and dry.
by
Anonymous04/08/06
KEPT ME READING.....
I liked it but I felt like it was hurried. It bounced back and forth between the characters recounts making it confusing as to who was talking. Also, waaaaay too many typos which also made it seem like it was rushed. The story itself was great though, will there be a PART II?
by
Anonymous06/06/06
Intersting, but confusing
I enjoyed reading the story, but I agree with the other reader, that I couldnt tell from whom the story was being told. I totally got turned on though when the black guy came in the room and joined in. Too many spelling mistakes can shatter the experience though.
by
Anonymous10/28/09
confusing as hell misspellings also
went back and forth badly.misspellings.confusing story line could not follow it at all gave up.
English
Interesting
Good story line, but you need to edit your typing better. It was hard to follow at times because of typos.
Like it!
I can see how it's a bit confusing. Maybe you should show the difference a bit better between who is telling the story, but as for the storyline, it was fab!! thanks!!
very inteesting
Each part of the story needs to be clarified as to who wrote it. I think if would make more sense. Great story line. Check the weather it goes from rain to hot and dry.
KEPT ME READING.....
I liked it but I felt like it was hurried. It bounced back and forth between the characters recounts making it confusing as to who was talking. Also, waaaaay too many typos which also made it seem like it was rushed. The story itself was great though, will there be a PART II?
Intersting, but confusing
I enjoyed reading the story, but I agree with the other reader, that I couldnt tell from whom the story was being told. I totally got turned on though when the black guy came in the room and joined in. Too many spelling mistakes can shatter the experience though.
confusing as hell misspellings also
went back and forth badly.misspellings.confusing story line could not follow it at all gave up.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to A Damsel in Distress or
More submissions by bob_martin4125.