by evil_in_the_flesh
poor writing. unrealistic. get an editor. do not give up, just try to focus on the storyline, instead of trying to make a porno script
This site is for sex stories jackass. Tons of stories are like pornos. Want to read a story? Go read Mother Goose faggot.
Just doesnt hold up, answer a few questions to yourself next time writing a storie
1. Who
2. Where
3. Why
and you have the Who and Where allright, brother-sister, slumberparty at home, The big problem is the Why, you dont give any background to why the sister would fuck her brother (this is a big leap for a person to take... to have intercourse with a relative), if her friends have previously shown interest for him or anything like it.
btw... stay realistic on the boobsizes... i dont mind big boobs but hey, there is a limit
i CANT READ THE FOLLOW UP STORIES. I THINK YOU SHOULD ALSO DO MORE HUGE TTITED STORIES LIKE BUST RIDE
this is an interesting start to what could be a very good series. You need to add in some emotional interplay, however - is Mark planning to dump his girlfriend for one of the girls? Which one? If they're geeks, what do they study?
And in the future, ignore anything negative from "Anonymous." Anything from an "Anonymous" that looks to have been written by a fourth grader qualifies as a backhanded compliment.
I really liked it, but I would have prefered a little bit more description on what Emma looked like instead of just unattractive. Besides that, it was a very, very hot story.
I was a pretty good stroke story, but you need to make it more realistic. Keep writing.
Ignore all comments from AP. That asshole knows nothing about anything. The dumb shit is totally clueless.
Please post more stories! Damn you are good at this. Thank you soooo much!
Leave your name and email address next time if you want to talk shit pussy!
YOUR STORIES A GREAT MY MOST FAVORITE ONE IS ABOUT THE WHITE TEACHER AND BLACK GIRL WITH HUGE TITS. IF YOU DONT MIND COULD YOU WRITE MORE STORIES LIKE THIS
don't listen those assholes the only shit they like reading is about lesbians or ape stories incest rules
good thing the site has grade school drop out webmasters it's the only way this crap could be posted. your lucky i'm not the webmaster you would have been denied, and told to go back to school and not come back until you were over 18.
I want to thank you, this is the most amusing story I have readon the site. I literally laughed out loud at some of the typos and fuckups "Mark's bird chest" what the fuck is our protagonist a goddamn Emu?
You know what really gives it away you're just a dumbass guy writing this? "His 9" cock..cock this and cock that, learn to write dumb shit
9 inch cocks and F cup breasts don't make for a good story. This sounds like something you'd imagine but shouldn't write down, sorry.
This is pretty damn meh. As the commenter said before, basically cheap wish fullfilment, but you could have a least made an effort instead of just writing the climax of the story and be done with it. Really lazy
"Emma bounced and jiggled her large double D's all over Pam and Tina's big tits as they double titfucked Mark."
The story isn't much for realism but that is a classic line!