A nice plot, although nothing special. But you could have described much more. For example, how the sister looks like: tall or small, blond, brunette or black, big or rather small tits, slim or rather corpulent and so on.
You also could have described the brother a bit, for example how big he is (both meanings...).
The age of the siblings might also be interesting (18, 20, 25, whatever).
There are a lot more things you could concentrate on describing, these were only the most important ones.
I liked the part at the end a lot, but not as and ending. The end came to fast (maybe because of the lack of description), but at least it makes appetite for the next part (I love volitional impregnation, that's why I rated with 75 and not with 50).
Hermit
by
Anonymous06/12/05
Mixed Up
First, she's wearing pink boy shirts and a thong, and then he pulls down her running pants?
by
Anonymous06/12/05
Good but...
Slow it down a little the next time. Take more time with description and mood setting. You have the bare bones of a good fic. You can flesh it out in the next chapter. She's probably already pregnant. Tell the story don't describe it.
by
Anonymous06/12/05
Sorry, but this story was boring...same old,...
same old, yawn! This EXACT theme has been done sooo many times, if you can't thing of something unique, a different twist in the story, leave it alone...be original.
by
Anonymous06/18/05
You're Onto A Good Story. Keep It Going
You could have future chapters entail all of what I see as the hottest topics of all.
He could knock her up, then have her seduce a good candidate at college, then lie to the guy and tell him she's pregnant with his baby. They would get married of course with the unwitting hubby not knowing his bride is actually presenting him an incestual lovechild she conceived with her brother for him to raise.
That cuckolding could continue as the brother impregnates his sister on other occasions in the future and the husband, completely unaware of his being cuckolded gets tricked into raising more children his wife actually made with her brother
As said before, this is the same old "my god, I got my sibling pregnant" routine, with a touch of panty fetish. While not boring in itself, this text could have used longer and more sensual expositions on the activities of the characters, and definitely some stronger mental innuendo.
Kudos on gender bending, though, this is a good first try.
by
Anonymous11/17/05
Can't wait for the next one...
Can't wait for the next part. Maybe it'll be about the mentally retarded kids incest couples produce. Jackass! People who have kids and are related, end up having retarded and deformed kids.
by
Anonymous10/18/10
Hey
I loved that story can't wait for the other one
by
Anonymous04/01/11
nxt chapter
go go go go go go go go go go go
by
Anonymous01/26/12
one third
only one third of a story no background to set up the story and no end total waste of time. chapter one should have told of them as kids and set up their relationship prior to this story. the third chapter would tell if she got pregnant and what the parents think of it and if they find out they were screwing. also in the third chapter you could tell if they keep screwing or if it was a one week thing never to happen again. never post the middle of a story either post a complete story (in chapters or not) or post nothing do all readers a favor and delete this and start over and do it right this time.
by
Anonymous06/24/13
a really good story
And, folks, use a little imagination. Dez wants her brother Derrick to fuck a baby up her cunt. Now, do you think any brother who hears that...request from his sister is going to put up a whole lot of objections? Derrick's going to be sticking his big stiff cock and unloading his brotherly balls up his sister's cute little twat over and over again. Dez's twat'll be overflowing with her brother's creamy sperm. She WANTS her bro to give her his baby, and Derrick's sure to do that righteous job. The baby'll be a nice little souvenir of their hot incestuous fucks.
by
Anonymous01/08/15
6/10
Felt it was a bit rushed, great details though. A good editor would make this story golden!
by
Anonymous06/02/15
waste of time
this was had to be written by a grade school dropout, if this guy graduated high school he needs to give back his diploma he sucks at simple writing.
English
stopped too early, described too little
A nice plot, although nothing special. But you could have described much more. For example, how the sister looks like: tall or small, blond, brunette or black, big or rather small tits, slim or rather corpulent and so on.
You also could have described the brother a bit, for example how big he is (both meanings...).
The age of the siblings might also be interesting (18, 20, 25, whatever).
There are a lot more things you could concentrate on describing, these were only the most important ones.
I liked the part at the end a lot, but not as and ending. The end came to fast (maybe because of the lack of description), but at least it makes appetite for the next part (I love volitional impregnation, that's why I rated with 75 and not with 50).
Hermit
Mixed Up
First, she's wearing pink boy shirts and a thong, and then he pulls down her running pants?
Good but...
Slow it down a little the next time. Take more time with description and mood setting. You have the bare bones of a good fic. You can flesh it out in the next chapter. She's probably already pregnant. Tell the story don't describe it.
Sorry, but this story was boring...same old,...
same old, yawn! This EXACT theme has been done sooo many times, if you can't thing of something unique, a different twist in the story, leave it alone...be original.
You're Onto A Good Story. Keep It Going
You could have future chapters entail all of what I see as the hottest topics of all.
He could knock her up, then have her seduce a good candidate at college, then lie to the guy and tell him she's pregnant with his baby. They would get married of course with the unwitting hubby not knowing his bride is actually presenting him an incestual lovechild she conceived with her brother for him to raise.
That cuckolding could continue as the brother impregnates his sister on other occasions in the future and the husband, completely unaware of his being cuckolded gets tricked into raising more children his wife actually made with her brother
More detail
As said before, this is the same old "my god, I got my sibling pregnant" routine, with a touch of panty fetish. While not boring in itself, this text could have used longer and more sensual expositions on the activities of the characters, and definitely some stronger mental innuendo.
Kudos on gender bending, though, this is a good first try.
Can't wait for the next one...
Can't wait for the next part. Maybe it'll be about the mentally retarded kids incest couples produce. Jackass! People who have kids and are related, end up having retarded and deformed kids.
Hey
I loved that story can't wait for the other one
nxt chapter
go go go go go go go go go go go
one third
only one third of a story no background to set up the story and no end total waste of time. chapter one should have told of them as kids and set up their relationship prior to this story. the third chapter would tell if she got pregnant and what the parents think of it and if they find out they were screwing. also in the third chapter you could tell if they keep screwing or if it was a one week thing never to happen again. never post the middle of a story either post a complete story (in chapters or not) or post nothing do all readers a favor and delete this and start over and do it right this time.
a really good story
And, folks, use a little imagination. Dez wants her brother Derrick to fuck a baby up her cunt. Now, do you think any brother who hears that...request from his sister is going to put up a whole lot of objections? Derrick's going to be sticking his big stiff cock and unloading his brotherly balls up his sister's cute little twat over and over again. Dez's twat'll be overflowing with her brother's creamy sperm. She WANTS her bro to give her his baby, and Derrick's sure to do that righteous job. The baby'll be a nice little souvenir of their hot incestuous fucks.
6/10
Felt it was a bit rushed, great details though. A good editor would make this story golden!
waste of time
this was had to be written by a grade school dropout, if this guy graduated high school he needs to give back his diploma he sucks at simple writing.
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