All Comments on 'Teaching the Cub Ch. 01 - Introduction'

Another example of why changing perspectives are rarely a good idea.

Spelling, vocabulary, grammar. It's all important. You can't do anything once it's posted? So improve next time! You can't do anything about the shit story either, but hopefully our feedback will help on the next attempt.

I agree that spelling, grammar, and vocabulary are important, but it is very hard to proof read your own work. You tend to see what you mean instead of what you actually typed. And, as far as I can tell, I can't make changes once it is posted. I do attempt to improve every time, but I don't appreciate you acting like it is that easy to be an author, especially when I don't have an editor. And I understand if you don't like this chapter, but very few stories are built with one chapter, and I'm trying something different from all of my other stories. Most of the rest I've felt like I was rushing them, so I'm trying to give this story a little more room to breath. Finally, what feedback? All you said was that you hated my story and that changing perspectives is hard to do. Try constructive criticism. What did you not like? What did I do wrong with changing perspectives? What could I do better? I'm all for constructive criticism, but all you told me was that my story was crap. I can't do anything with that. There are no actionable items in that.

Sorry this is so long.

Good story-telling - the scenes unfold smoothly and coherently.

You've given us a peek into the lives of Tim and of Sophie & Tina. They have really different world-views, and are near opposites in some ways, while I suspect they all share a desire for some improvement of their relationship and sex-partner situations. I'm looking forward to hearing more about how Tim finds his way at least part-way out of his shy shell. And Sophie and Tina offer such potential...motivation in that regard. Mmmm.

You've already identified some proofreading issues, though they were hardly worth mentioning, imo.

You did a really good job in the introduction scene of showing how people try to regulate their behavior in social interactions, even when everyone involved knows there is more going on in the undercurrents. He knew that she knew and she knew he knew, but they kept the conversation on the up-and-up. That is good story-telling - funny, sexy tension that keeps me coming (I mean, reading).

I liked that you identified when you were switching perspectives, and I think you did a good job of keeping the thread of the story going, even as you revealed more about each character.

Speaking of perspective, I can't remember the name, but one of the Lit authors has a quick blurb at the start of most stories, in which the author says they do one read through before posting. The author furthermore owns that there are probably spelling or grammar glitches that remain, and goes on to make the observation that the readers are getting free smut to read, and if they are so picky, perhaps they should be paying for the privilege. I think the author suggests that feedback about such things will be ignored or deleted.

Once I read that, my perspective matured, and I got a lot more deliberately constructive about the feedback I give. I really appreciate the authors, and try to convey that. They've got, and you've got the imagination, the talent & skills to tell the story, and the guts to put your creations out there for the readers. That's a courageous thing to do. Thank you! for sharing your creativity.

Please keep writing.

Your comment led me to read this interesting story.

I agree with others about change of narrator. I find that it rarely works well with the changes in short segments. In this story I found it even stranger since the Tim segments were told first person and the Sophie segments were told third person. My opinion is that with stories like this, it would be preferable to tell the whole story third person.

Apart from that, I liked it. It was readable and well written. Tim was a well-developed character, although the idea of a painfully shy person working as a personal trainer seems a little unlikely. However, it sets the scene for the 'cougar and cub' scenario I assume is to follow. (I have developed a liking for older lady with younger man stories.)

I look forward to the next chapter.

Lue

If , for example, Tim had instead been a painfully shy virgin named Timothea, it would have made a world of difference.