All Comments on 'The Caregiver Ch. 01'

by Afroscorpio

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  • 9 Comments
DunkirkDunkirkabout 5 years ago
Sex

Nana and Bob should move into together and fuck morning noon and night

jryanwest3rdjryanwest3rdabout 5 years ago
Additional Feedback

Love this story. I could do without the 'had' portions. My rule of thumb is if you can read the sentence without the word 'had' and it can be understood, you don't need it. Ex: "She tried all sorts in the hopes of finding something that she would enjoy". But, the sex scenes are on point and the odd chemistry between Bob and Nana has the makings of a wonderful tale. To think a little mental illness is all it takes for some folks to leave their inhibitions behind. Looking forward to seeing where Nana and Bob's 'thing' goes next.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Oh My God!!!

This is really good so far. I agree with the other reader, though, that the age thing is a bit off. I am forty-two and have a twenty-year-old and a seventeen-year-old, and neither have families of their own nor are they in different states. They aren't even ready to leave home yet! I was twenty-two when I got married and had my first kid, and my mom at that time was thirty-seven (she had me at fifteen). She had to have been married as a teenager or something in order for things to add up that way in the story. If she were married for (at the very least) twenty years, and her kids were younger and maybe in high school or college, I could see it. The secondary virginity must be a thing, though. I've been abstinent for over fifteen years. I don't have anyone yet, but my God... will it really hurt? Anyways, other than the age thing, this is a great start to a seemingly interesting story!

AfroscorpioAfroscorpioabout 5 years agoAuthor
Thank you

Thank you to all who continue to read, vote and give feedback. Thank you so much, I really appreciate your comments and encouragement. Next chapter in the pending tray, waiting to be published. Chris - my Editor Thank you, Thank you.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Nice Twist

First, I enjoyed the story/plot. Please continue to share your thoughts as they give any number of folks like me pleasure with a smile or two.

2nd - while the "editors" are well intentioned, please don't let them control you. This isn't Shakespeare and even if it were - Laugh - can you imagine how they would "savage" his writing?

3rd - it is tiring to see the male being the one with a huge dong bringing pleasure to the poor white female. It was/is refreshing to see a story on the reverse of that. (I'd post it with my user name, but I rarely post and can't remember it) Sorry!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Great read

The flow of the story is good. I do not however understand the mixup of tenses. When starting it is simple past tense but halfway through, the tense changes to present continuous. Can we use the word "ethnicity" to mean racist remarks? Otherwise, I greatly enjoyed.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Distracted

Sorry but the opening sentence threw me off. It is 7 years after her 26 year marriage ends. She can't be in her early 40's. That would mean she married around 10. I know it may seem picky but the whole read through this is bothering me.

roveroneroveronealmost 5 years ago
like her..

and your description of her body, and that you let her have bush...and that you let her have her first orgasm...

AnonymousAnonymousabout 4 years ago

Which Is It?

At first, Nana’s been married 26 years, later it becomes 28 years.

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Late thirties, I had always promised myself that I would write a novel or article or something. I love erotica and I have been gathering the courage to write my first story. All I have ever written - raw erotica - was specifically poems when I was in a relationship and I only ...

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