homeMind ControlKyle Whisper Control Ch. 01Public Comments

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Kyle Whisper Control Ch. 01

byramjett©
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by Anonymous

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by msboy806/24/05

Needs work

I did not fully understand the method of his mind control. Also you need to use an editor. An editor eould take care of your grammar mistakes. Keep writing.

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by Barno07/06/05

Good Imagination

I agree with the previous comment. You need work with explaining your plot. I think you may have been so excited about getting to the sex that you left out details regarding how the black man's mind control worked and how he got it.

Still it is the start of an imaginative fantasy. Work on your patience and let the sex come naturally as you set up the plot.

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