All Comments on 'Betrayed Over Conception Ch. 01'

story. A cheating wife who is trying to get pregnant by another man or a cheating husband who is breaking the law at his bosses request. I can't decide who I like most. Oh, that's right, neither of them. Hopefully they divorce each other, have a huge fight in the court, pick up really special diseases, he gets arrested, she gets pregnant with triplets and everyone that knows them withdraws all support and tries to move on with their life without this "nice" couple.

The writing is first-rate. It's the subject matter that leaves a bad taste in one's mouth.

why you want to let your wife get fuck and put on the alarm.your wife have somebody else baby and you acting like a stupid hick.get a lawyer and stop trying to act like you are smart.this look like dumb and dumber.

A part-way finished story always gets a part-way finished '100' score. VERY erotic, otherwise!

I don't know what it is with LE writers of late but very few seem to write believeable stories with any character development. As much as I hate the "cuchold" stories at least you can say one thing about them: you care one way or another about the people in them; even if you HATE the cucholder or the cuchold you feel someething. There is a rapport.

But this story? I agree with Sherlock40, who gives a shit about ANY of the characters? Better to write just a straight line of mindless sex romp that to continue with this. At least stroke sotories don't even pretend to have a plotline. No one, and I mean NO ONE in this story would/should get any sympathy or onsideration. Sympathy, hell. They all deserve each other. You leave us with a cheating wife tryingto get knocked up by someone other than here husband, a sister trying to fuck up her sibling, a horn-ased young recruit in Nancy, and a dishonest/criminal male lead! Just for starters! Best to keep them all together where they can't screw up any real human lives. And PLEASE, don't let any of them procreate! Gad, more little bastards like them set loose on a planet and population which already has more than enough of their ilk?

The writing was passsable. But you gotta care something about someone in this story and that just isn't there. I don't think even the authour cares about the character and they are his creation! From having read so far, not one charater from Gloria to her sister to Nancy or the narrator has any redeeming feature.

Notice to future writers: Have a least one (1) character than we can feel something about, please, even if it the dog! This story (which is supposed to be novella??! PLEASE SAY I READ THAT WRONG!)has none. Since we don't care about the people why would we continue to read anything about them or their lives?

Like it so far. Hope it keeps going as well as it started.

perhaps you should go back to Betsy and the McBrides?

because this story needs something that is missing.

Let's see what's happening with the wife and her friend.

Oh ye people of little faith - eg 'Chagrined'. And those who have faith in me - eg "Like it so far." Please have patience, I submitted a series of six, now the first has been posted. So many of you (I get direct emails as well) appear to have been brought up on 'Bambi' and 'Sound of Music'.

I'm trying to bring a little realism. Try this: if you were in a crate of 21 chickens going to the butcher's and one stood up and said, "Ladies - keep your chin up" do you think that heroine would save the day? The reality is all of you including that heroine giving that pep talk would have been slaughtered, the butcher not aware there was someone to thank for getting most of you to hold your up chins, making it easier for him. Some of you will get the point (the heroine really wasn't a heroine, just some fool standing up and making an idiot of herself; you don't need heroes/heroines to get you neck wrung or even to make a good story (don't believe what your high school/college professors taught you). Hopefully you are aware of the existence of a realistic hero - that anti-hero.

Well, I hope after six chapters you can say, 'That Egmont guy took us around and around the cherry tree but we got there, there were a few (too few?) enjoyable bits, some originality and at times we laughed, thought at little and really, he more or less did well.' Even if a couple of you come to a conclusion like that I feel it will have been worthwhile.

Incidentally, those xxxx persons forever going on about grammar. Shut up!

Have a good day, as I believe you guys say in America - or am I out of date? E.G.

and one every worthwhile author should attempt. It is not easy to master the settings and emotions of characters in this theme.

Very few if any, get it the first time as it is a complex challenge to juggle circumstance to create the conditions of believability and then to maintain lifelike credibility to the end.

Those succeeding have a credible central character who was offended (disrespected) that readers can relate to, feel sympathetic towards and want justice for. Failing that, readers are confused and feel manipulated by a implied plotline going lustfully and inappropriately elsewhere.

The second difficulty authors have is creating such a frenzied and long term cheating spouse that no credible reconciliation is credibly possible but force it anyway in the name of love and romance which doesn't fly true or lifelike in the readers eyes.

I admire this authors attempt as I do others who try this theme as it drives the emotions and fears of many of us more forcefully than any other theme.

So please don't fault him too much and give credit for the effort which many won't even try. There is a learning curve in this theme even for very good authors.

For example read "Just Plain Bob's" 7/4/05 effort (Becoming A Slut Wife: Ashton) for one way how this theme can be done in a deeply troubling lifelike and realistic manner. I was impressed with this departure from his normal works which I normally don't like but this one was very well and realistically done.

Author - I appreciate you, your talent and your body of work in large part (most of all your early works). My hope is you don't dismay as you are looked forward to in many regards. with Regard

Very good story, thanks. (Lengthy comment on grammer omitted). I found the little parable on the chickens on their way to the slaughterhouse interesting. Everyone in this world is headed non-stop toward death, and little besides diet and execise can influence our trip around the cherry tree. Holding your chin up, so to speak, makes the greatest difference between living well and living in fear. But enough f'ing philosophy! My curiousity was piqued by the fact that our hero did not really confirm that wifey was 'doing the deed'. Interesting and promising start.

Thanks

This chapter is good enough to have me look for the next one.

If you have read any of this author's other work you knew not to expect the usual crap we get in this genre.

Let's wait and see where it goes. If that turns out the be 'nowhere' then start whining.

AND EG, it's great to know you have the story done before posting parts of it. It is far more likely to follow a plausible path without reaction to the critics - me included!

Well written and an interesting start. I can't wait to see what comes next. Obviously, from the title, I'm expecting a pregnancy along the way, but you've got me wondering who is going to get pregnant? Grace, Liz or the grad student?

We still don't know who (if anyone) was the cause of Grace's failure to get pregnant. If its Grace, then the betrayal could be a whole lot different than we expect.

Can't wait to take the ride.

Bullshit. This is a lousy excuse for an erotic story. The dumb fuck that wrote this piece of shit couldn't spell cat if you spotted him the c and the a.

Not understanding the issue with being tested......

One sample, perhaps a second check, and done.

Nice addition to the story but it feels wrong. Mayhap the lack f a less han shallow reason behind it....

He sounds like a pratt

If you like to read stories about human beings who think and feel on the human scale, you'll be disappointed in this writer, as none of the characters in any of these chapters will actually meet those criteria.

He was cheating on her, she was cheating on him, so far can’t see what all the fuss is about. Clearly it’s a marriage made in heaven, and they express their deep love and affection for each other by the obvious and traditional method of shagging anyone and everyone.

Ain’t love grand.