by annaswirls
You might want to take out the word "then" in the third stanza, for an even more bare bones poem. Otherwise word choice and arrangement is very effective!
Very well written,
beautiful and powerful wording.
Really well done!
if I burn, I burn
if I blind then I blind
with your silhouette imprinted on retinal tissue
shadow scorched onto the wall
Great Work!
Thanks.
~ Jenn
Tsssssss
I would be afraid to see you at a reading
I would be afraid of a meltdown
Rethink this:
"press cork with thumbs"
Not at all sure that I have got this sorted out in my mind .It is another which will need a revisit. You are good at making me do that!
I saw Hiroshima and the shadows burned on walls, the 2nd, I thought of perhaps seeing God's face, a religious rhapsody of some sort, and on each subsequent read I could pull something else from it.
Your poems do that to me all too often.
: )
" press cork with thumbs"
has an almost " Aha got you" feel to it the first time you read it so I can see where 12 might have reacted that way.
I, however, found that after the first read it came off and simply methodical, sure, the end of the service, if you will.
Over all a great piece
Thank you
This is extraordinary, Anna! Very strong imagery and a wonderful conclusion.
Fly