All Comments on 'Best Friend Takes My Virginity'

by ThorSyndrome

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AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
room for improvement.

the start of the story was great, I got invested into the setup, you did a pretty good job of describing viscerally how you felt. I was rooting for you, I wanted you to fuck this girl of your dreams.

then, it was all over in two sentences. the 'oh, she has a boyfriend' thing was basically a throw away line, there was no conflict there, i feel like that could have come in earlier, how it sparked some jealousy, or resigned dread knowing you could never get what you wanted.

I find whenever someone says "I fucked her for an hour, it was good lol" they're just being really lazy, especially after the buildup, there's no release of that tension you built up. Imagine watching John Wick 1, where the Russians come and kill his dog, beat him up, he decides to take revenge, then it just cuts to a narrator saying "john went into the Russian base, killed everyone, but got a little bit beaten up before he did" roll credits. you'd be demanding your money back.

have a look at how other people write their sex scenes, rip off bits wholesale, change it up, write your own using a similar structure. I want to know how it feels the whole way through.

apologies for not capitalising, Ive already spent enough time away from reading these lovely stories ;)

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago

Where do I find the video

Anonymous
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