Karen Ch. 01

Little short but good start

Now if he thinks REAL hard he'll remember Jim Belson, what he looked like.

Something broke them up before and that problem isn't there now.

ok

time to hire a private investigator and if she is cheating ...as she is lying ... well he said she looked 10 years younger ..hes a man he can get one that is ten years younger that looks ten years younger than that ... what can she get ...some one who is ten years older than he is ... lol who wins ...if she lied and she was cheating ..get the evidence and get that younger woman and have fun kick her sorry ass out

YOUR NEW

I am not going to kill you because you are new however have a little respect for your readers ability to read and the importance of their time. This is not even half complete so as a reader I wasted my time. Its fine to write stories in chapters but they should be a bit more complete.

Another problem is that by the time I see the next one I will have to re read this one otherwise it wont make sense.

So please in the future write a full story or at least a good size chapter and dont worry we can all read quite well.

Keep writing

missed chance

The pain and confusion of the husband is compelling. But it's hard to see why, having caught his wife in a blatant lie, he doesn't simply call her on it: "I saw you at lunch today, why are you lying to me, what's really going on?"

For him not to do that, presumably so the story can be strung out longer, weakens it in my opinion.

I hope we will have more stories from you, though. The emotional power of this one is what I enjoyed about it.

Nice

Good story, for you first. A lot of writters here like the cheating wife thing cuckold hubby story. But please give us a story that has some reality. Not all men or women roll over and let the spouse do what ever they want. Most people have limits as to how they will go.

Wondering???

Well written and the theme implied (marital cheating with consequence) is very much appreciated as a reality of normal life.

My concern, like others, is that it might turn to the non-reality of a wimpy cuckolded non-action type husband who sickly watches the mother of his children slate herself with others. The cream pie possibility(2) of this story is another non-tolerable wimpy and pitiful sick wife expectation of her loving supportive long term husband.

As a new author, we await your direction. Us semi-normals hope for some entertaining real life scenarios with the appropriate consequence as opposed to the high percentage of marital deviant crap spewed elsewise here for the few jaded sicko's.

So lead on author - we are optimistic and hope you don't disgustingly disappoint - with Regard

Good Start

Nice to see some fresh insight into these stories. Keep writing what feels good for you and don't let the nay sayers get you down. Looking forward to more. Thanks for a good write.

Nice job!

Beautifully written, especially for a new writer,but I wish you and other writers would not potray husbands as such idiots. If he cannot figure out similarity between current sexual zeal on the part of his wife and that of twenty some odd years ago, everyone reading the story can, I'm sure.Please don't suddenly recall that stranger in Marriot was Jim Belton from the old days. You write very well, but you telegraph your punches as they say in the fighting world. 60 year old George

I agree!

A good start, looking forward to the next Chapter.

My Regards

A Newbie !!!

Good start.

Say what you want, when you want, the way you want. And people will read you (or not). Don't write to satisfy those that screech, satisfy yourself.

You've wet my whistle with this part; a discovery (he never saw that one coming) that could lead to investigation then either forgiveness or divorce. No matter which way you go, you will be damned by a few on either side of the equation. And then there are even a few that seek to prove that point with all caps.

Second "Gizzmo" but I Doubt Delivery

As how the story started, it will take some thinking to
come up with a way to make the husband both "slow" and
smart and believable simultaneously.

He's been with this "loving" woman for close to 30 years and to say he "knew" her, as he as loved her --- he would NOT have loved her so, if he did NOT think he knew her, right? --- but has been this clewless all these years, and it is only NOW that he's been thinking about her "sudden" and, seemingly serial, and extreme "urges" for pussy sucking activities (from him) from a tired day "at the job"
and is just NOW beginning to see if he could put 2 and 2 together ------- it's gonna take some serious thinking on the author's part to pull this off,,,

Of course, there's the easy $10 porno DVD route: nothing but fake noises, or, as the man said, all sound and fury signifying nothin', and then we're done with another forgetable round of masturbtory attempt,,,

Good start

Excellent start. Ignore the naysayers and write what you want to.

Good Start

The story is probably already written and will be released over the next week or so but I hope there is more suspense, more doubt about what is going on---not blatant cuckolding, but suspense, suspicion. The private detective phase w/all the electronic gizmos is good but don't let that be the whole story or the lawyering & the throwing up on a parking lot & the taking the offenders to the cleaners---vengence is better than wimpism but I hope there is more emphasis on the beginnings of suspicion.

I like this first Chapter. I like the thrill of the chase----thrill?---well, fictional thrill and suspense, though I think everyone knows the general drift of the tale.

Blue88, I hope you have written a great story. We'll see. Hope so.

---playingcardcompany

GREAT START.

welcome to the site, Karen. we need more writers, that can start a story like this. i will wait until i see it all to tell you what i think but i do welcome you to the site.

Promising!!!

Good start! Don't keep us waiting too long for the rest, please..... :-)

Good Start

I enjoyed the first chapter. I hope you can maintain the tension throughout the story and that we don't have to wait too long for the rest.
KK

Where is chapter two

I read chapter one and was thrilled that a new contributor was writing with such taste. I am now waiting for chapter two....where the hell is it? Come on Blue....write the damn thing and get us all out of our misery.....Ole Reb

Author;s note...

I'd like to apologize for the delay, but Lit. has Chapters 2, 3 and 4. I guess I did not submit the chapters in a timely manner. I hope that they appear soon. I'm writing Chapter 5 now and it should be finished in a few days.

What happened to chapter 4?

I read chapter 4 and was waiting for 5 and the next day it disappeared....! It was great! I was really hoping her husband would set her straight, ask her if she had already started the affair and tell her its jim or him...

confrontation

You should have confronted the woman when you caught her lying to you about her not eating out and you should have told her that you saw her with that man strutting thru the lobby of the hotel and then you should then later have her followed by a P.I.so you can find out whats going on then nail her for cheating on you.
Pat
Atlanta,Ga.

Stupid.

I hate stupid and the writers who write stupid characters into their stories.
Give me an intelligent character who may be flawed, but get rid of the stupid characters.

OK another regular Blue

idiot. No duh, he can't remember what caused the two voracious episodes? Well I'm the reader sitting back wondering how stupid the hero is. So I guess the writer is manipulating my emotions and has succeeded?

1* old hide

this is what's wrong with the majority of LW stories

recognize this quote?
**Should he confront her? "No, not yet," he concluded. He really had nothing concrete.**
this inner dialog is fantastically unbelievable. first, in the general sense, that is just not a logical masculine thought process. nor a feminine one, for that matter. the only circumstance i can think of where a person would think that is if the person was already recognizably mentally ill.

second, specifically in this story, he DID have something concrete: he saw his wife with another man, and she lied to him. from this point on it becomes impossible to empathize with the protagonist. BTW, this is one reason why you get the hate mail. as a writer, you need to realize the reader wants to either love or hate your main character. the only emotional attachment to the protagonist the reader gets is a feeling of disgust, which is transferred to you for the abject failure of your storytelling to satisfy your audience.

third, the two phrases, "confront her with your concerns" and "accuse her of cheating" are NOT synonymous. inexplicably, nearly every LW author here erroneously equates the two. i've seen this plot device used when the cuck hears the wife conversing with someone about her infidelity, which is even more unbelievable.

you folks need to quit listening to whoever it is that's mentoring/advising you authors to continue using this plot device. do some research. if you have never been cheated on (or betrayed in any manner by a lover/friend/family member), talk to people who have. if the cuck does NOT want a split, the progression is: 1 suspect, 2 confront, 3 investigate and verify/debunk, THEN 4 accuse/apologize and move on. only people who WANT to break up regardless will skip #2 or 3.

Thanks***

For sharing.

she feeds him

a cream pie from her lover - what a fucking cunt.

CATCHING AND SETTING UP A CHEATER

whats a guy to do, but go carefully and plan, TK U MLJ LV NV

Loving it

A very good beginning.

#2 ONCE AGAIN A HUBBY HAS TO DIS-BELIEVE HIS LYING EYES

because his wife would never do anything like that again. TK U MLJ LV NV

Very nice start.

Our hero isn't too bright. He had all the evidence in front of him. Is he going to wait for her to rape him again?

Seriously?

" What was there in common with both events?," he pondered. Try as he might, he could come to no logical conclusion. He saw absolutely no link in common between that event and this one. "

Come on you are a good writer. Do not make your characters stupid or stretch the credulity of the reader. No common link, seriously!!??!!

Have to mark you down for that.

Re reading makes this no better story.

In fact, along with those who descry the lack of reality, you did the dumbest naming of characters in a LW story in a long time. Don't you have more imagination than Jack and Jill and John, and Bell and Belsen and Benson? If you did that on purpose, it's a sad joke.

Another read

Author always sets up an engaging storyline. Five stars.

1*

fag cuck shit.